Some days it amazes me how great I feel, but most days are like today. Nothing to work towards. No direction. No momentum. No give a shit.
I don't like being bitter. I don't like the cynicism. I don't like who I am or how I feel about it all.
But nonetheless I'm pretty much stuck with me.
I've tried not to keep it all so bottled up or hold it in or fuel the fire of a grudge, but I can't let any of it go as of late.
I love Jef being home, but some days I wonder if he still sees the girl he married.
I enjoy the freedom to gain an education, but I wonder if all my hard work, sleepless nights, and effort will amount to any kind of decent pay check or feeling of self worth.
I love my friends, but I wonder how easy it is for them to "take their ball and go home" in my life- so to speak.
I love the fact that I have decent people reading skills, but I dread the paranoia that brings my way when I'm feeling low.
I love my blog, but I wonder some days if anyone out there loves what I do here.
Don't worry, loyal readers (if there are any). You can't shut me up. I'll be here babbling on and on until someone pulls the plug.
--The Milk Maid listens to the sound of silence.
6/21/08
Saturday Dookerific Ramblings
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9 comments:
Yes, I love what you do here. I understand all the other things you mentioned too. Hugs to you.
You like your courses (A&P excepted, of course, as it almost always iz) and you don't mind stabbing people with big honkin' needles. You're on your way to a satisfying career, sounds like! And I have a PhD, so you have to listen to me or at least not snort too loudly...
I may have pretty much abandoned my own blog, but I do still come here to see how you and the fam are doing.
Honey, I think we all feel this like this sometimes, and I think I could have written this today. The same thoughts echo in my head, and no matter how loved or lucky I am in life, some days I just feel abandoned, lonely in a crowd. Hang in there, and I'll send lots of love your way.
Wanna come visit? I'm off the month of July? I'll entertain you!
love reading what you write. thanks for continuing to write.
Well, I called you today..and I know you're feeling better..but I wanted to come by here and call you a fart face in writing. You know how much I love ya girl, but maybe I need to say it more.
I love ya girl and I don't know what I would do without your blog and your wonderful support. You make me smile so much. Hang in there hon! We're all here for you!!
I love reading your blog... please don't go away! I know I don't post as much as I should... but I love reading everyone else's thoughts, etc.
Silly silly. Cheer up!!
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