Either The Lexipro Is Working Or I'm Just Really Getting Soft In My Old Age

Every single day I am amazed...

... I am amazed at the love I feel for my daughters. Faith asks me the most interesting questions. She really makes me think about ideas and life in a way I've never done before. From innocent questions on how to deal with kids who are bullies at school to astute questions on anatomy, the human body, and the whys and hows of life. Most of those let me get my A&P book for that kind of questions come after watching shows life Dr. G Medical Examiner or CSI. Both shows she probably shouldn't watch, but nonetheless you must feed the hungry with whatever can quieten their pangs. Faith now wants to be a pathologist. Or work for the Houston SPCA. Maybe both, she can't decide right now.

Ava amazes me with her energy. She surprises me with how fast she learns things. My pal B once said, "You didn't want a stupid kid, did you?". My reply of course was No!". However, I went on to elaborate about how "I didn't want a kid that could outsmart me 99% of the time by the age of two either. I guess it could be worse (insert huge grin here).

... My job amazes me. I'm amazed to have been blessed with a job that I actually crave. I dream of my job- drawing blood, running samples, talking to people. I'm fortunate to know that the smallest smile or simple gesture of kindness can make some one's bad day a little brighter. I have so much compassion for people from all walks of life. I suppose my parents raised me right. I reckon that I've seen enough bad to know that it doesn't take a lot to do good. I can comfort those who might be very ill by being gentle and polite and respectful. I can not bring up the obvious and induce the tears of ladies who might be enduring a possible miscarriage and have betas drawn every couple of days. I can calm a child who is frightened. I can dance with a child who is happy. I can ease the jitters of mothers with very small, very sick children. I can do all this mostly because I have been there or I have friends who have been there. I guess the dancing part is just my nature.

... I am amazed that I have so many friends out there. There you are- I see you! I make friends easily, but find it very difficult to trust the majority with my true being. Character flaw? Maybe. Once bitten, twice shy. More likely. At a moments notice I could flip through my phone and dial ten people who would come to my rescue. Or at least send money via Western Union so I could make bail. I know of one person who'd be sitting right beside me in that holding cell. We'd be giggling until our significant others came to drag us home and scold us. Scold is a nice term I'm using in place of "beat our asses".

... I'm amazed at the level of patience I have gained in the past year. I don't know if it was the regimen of school, the enjoyment I get from my job, or just getting older and wiser, but there has been a great shift. I'm not saying I'm one of the Old Wise Ones by any means, but I do seem to have a few more answers for my questions regarding life as of late. I can't say that I'm a sage or a seer, but the future looks a little less cloudy than it did a year or two or three ago. I don't give much advice, but I am more apt to share an experience with my friends and let them draw from my mistakes and successes as needed.

I hope this post makes a little sense to everyone. The words have been circling my heart for some time and they needed to be freed. By no means am I tooting my own horn; I am merely counting my blessings. I have so many blessings in my life. It's hard to always take the time to smell the roses, but something tells me I need to slow down and enjoy these moments. I need to savor all of my life- the good, the bad, and the ugly.

--The Milk Maid says a lot without saying a word.

Canon Powershot

Enjoy The Ride

Disclaimer: This post may include the following phrases...

• Bear with me here
• No, I am not entirely sure where I am going with this either
• Stop me if I ramble
• My train of thought has derailed yet again

(and my personal favorite)

• There once was a man from Nantucket

With Big J working some odd freakin hours it's given me some time to contemplate lots of stuff. The important things like Oh hey if you kick the tar out of the couch that toe nail will completely fall off! and Why does the dog enjoy eating saw dust?!

I miss my fella when he's gone, but I have actually had some nice insights to myself as of late. One of which is just how high my energy level is. And how the whole concept of "when I'm busy I'm happy" (aka idle hands do the Devil's work) really applies to me.

Another insight I've had is how co-dependent I am with Big J. The longest time apart I've had from my babe since we started dating is the 3 1/2 days I was in Houston recently. It was healthy time away (ok, maybe the combo and amount of wine, Greek food, and jelly beans I had wasn't healthy, but me being ME away from Big J was beneficial). But as soon as I got back to the airport... well, let's just saw those "drop your luggage and run into your lover's arms to the cheers of the crowd" commercials got nuttin on me and him. I know now that I can make it on my own for more than 5 minutes. I'm a big kid now, yo!

A lot of these insecurities from the past are what caused me to change my name from That Other Name to Aradia (which is technically what it used to be before it was changed... I need to publish a Cliff's Notes for all this, right?). Jef knew me as That Other Name long before I got the wild hair to change it. Jef still calls me by That Other Name as often as not. In all my school and work stuff I tend to go by that name since Aradia is so unusual, has such an interesting meaning, and leads to a lot of uncomfortable conversation (the conversation itself is uncomfortable- I'm still anti-social by any title). Many of my virtual friends out there (that'd be some of y'all) even know That Other Name.

I really think that the whole Aradia name has been a sort of Talisman for me. It's who I want to be. Aradia is confident and cool, even slightly cocky and headstrong at times. Aradia will jump into a gang and become a pirate ninja mobster and help to kick people's asses. That Other Name is shy little girl who wouldn't (couldn't) muster the voice to order in a restaurant for herself until she was 17 years old. If then. That Other Name was a badge of weakness and shame. That Other Name endured hardships and tragedy that no child should have to face, and that even the Mighty Aradia still isn't ready to blog about.

In my recent past, by whatever moniker I've chosen to divulge, I have managed to come out ahead. Be it in school, in work, or just in daily life, I have managed to merge the best of That Other Name with the best of Aradia. I've felt a wholeness that doesn't need a designation to exist.

A rose by any other name I suppose?

Am I going to narrow my appellation down to just one in the near future? No... As far as I've come it's still nice to have my talisman. It's still nice to be able to completely be myself here, and That Other Name is never likely to let me off the chain to reach far enough to be comfortable.

I suppose part of the progress I've made (or the Lexapr0 has made) in me is to come to an agreement with myself about all of this. Truthfully, it's all trivial to most people out there. To me it feels like a big step forward.

--The Milk Maid says sweet are the uses of adversity!

Akavar