Project: Project

I think we all know from the crazy babble that this Milk Maid spills out on a regular basis that when it comes to me the saying that goes "Idle hands do the Devil's work" is 100% factual in my life.

Before I had a blog I had a chat room to occupy my time.

Before I had school to occupy my days I had a big case of The Crazy.

After the schooling was over I went to clinicals which kept me very well occupied.

Now with the J-O-B thing being like second nature to me I find myself having more time to think. And not "think" in the sense of the good sort of thoughts. My mind zooms around creating demons to fight and dragons to slay and other imaginary beings to conquer.

So, instead of becoming that ever-so-large Mountain Of Insanity that spews molten crazy all over the place I am entrusting you, my dearest readers, in helping me find something to occupy myself.

I am leaning towards writing finishing a book. Of course this book would be styled like my blog- minus the parts where I go in over my head right towards the deep end of loo-loo-ville. Some of you will remember how I used to write funny and witty stuff all the time. Once upon a time. Somewhere before school and kidneys and everything else got in the way.

If I were to write finish a book, what would you look for within the pages?

--The Milk Maid says she gets all clammy just thinking of having to finish a project like this.

Faith-ism

(A quote from Faith, said with a slow Southern drawl)...

"Mama, you are soft around the middle like a big ol' ripe blueberry!"

--The Milk Maid will take it as a complement.

Hide-Y Ho Neighbors!

Hello all- I've been quite sparse. I've finished clinicals and MISS the FUCK out of my peeps at super huge clinic spot. I felt all bLaH last Friday- too blah for a mish-mash even, so I've kinda ducked low and been holding a lot of stuff in.

Some "hey we have a time line now" kind of stuff has been happening on the Let's Have Another Baby front- we're looking into January or February of 2009 if you were hanging on the edge of your seats... like all ONE of you.

Faith started 5th grade recently- and she loves it tremendously! The teacher is a young skinny preppy peppy pep-squadish type, but I will resist the urge to annihilate her with a bazooka.

I got a new cat Saturday night. Jef was already against the cat, but I went against him with the mantra of "it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission"! The cat's name, who is a loverly long haired black furred male sans nads type, was Jellybean. I said Ix Nay on the AmeNay and changed it to Mungojerrie (wiki this!). Mungo J is an outside kinda guy, so as soon as he graces us with his presence again I will feature him!

--The Milk Maid says tis better to win by admitting your sins that to lose with a halo.

Best Buy

Hi, My Name Is Milk Maid And I Suck

I have been SO F-IN BUSY at clinicals that when I come home I promptly collapse into a heap in the garage. I cannot even fathom walking into the living room and laying on something besides cold hard concrete. I am up to 227 sticks in less than 2 weeks (I need 306 to ace the clinicals class) and I am a super duper pooper doopered gal.

Can I reiterate the point that I.fuckin.love.my.job i'm not getting paid to do, so maybe it isn't really a job, but nonetheless bear with me and all that jazz! Seriously, I have never been so happy to get up and go do something for zero moolah in my whole existence. I haz a lurve, oh yes I do.

I put in an application to my clinical site for employment, and my "girl" J who is over me, but under the direct supervisor, told me that if it was up to her she would have hired me on day 3 of my training. Even the big boss (S) bragged to my phlebotomy teacher about how wonderful I was. My head is totally like this --> [--------------------------------] big. And then they all found out I can mutilate speak the Spanish language- and they were jumping for joy! Asi is la vida, no?

--The Milk Maid says me gusta tu carne!

personalized gifts

Hair I Am!

Today was the first day in- ohh - months (like before MAMU way back in March) that I'd gotten my hair colored and cut. I feel fabulous with my touched up tresses, which are now long enough to fall a good 3 or 4 inches below my shoulders.

I completed my intro to venipuncture course yesterday. I also received my CPR certification for adults, children, and infants plus the bonus AED cert (one of those defib in a bag deals).

I have two weeks off before clinicals begin! What will I do with all that spare time I wonder?

Faith is in a Creepy Climby Super Slimy Camp this week at the local nature center. She gets to play with snakes and bugs, play in the creek and slide down waterfalls.

I ordered a ton of scrubs at an online shop called Scrubs Gallery. Here's a little linky to them if anyone is interested in updating their collection of nursing uniforms at a reasonable price!

--The Milk Maid says sail for the sale!

Playing Ketchup

Blogging you all up to speed:

1. Jef got the job. He starts tomorrow.
2. My last A&P class is TODAY. Thank you lord!! I will take my two remaining tests online (due no later than Sunday) and that is all she wrote.
3. On the 18th I take my final in my intro to venipuncture class. I have a 6 hour CPR certification class the teacher is teaching before hand. She kinda "forgot" we needed that, so now we cram.
4. My clinical site that was the hospital might be changed. We had to draw names and although I am guaranteed a spot in the first round (July 7- Aug 8) I may not be at the hospital, but rather the super-huge clinic right across the street. At this point, I could care less. I'm just happy to be finished with A&P (:::the milk maid runs in circles and squeals with delight:::)

--The Milk Maid says buy diet pills online and save yourself the hassle of having to get out of your car and walk to the store.

Dis, Dat, And De Other

Just to clarify from yesterday's Haiku post, Jef won't be home permanently. Well unless we win the lotto, discover a legit work from home scheme, or inherit loads of cash from a random relative.

The back story to Jef quitting his job is this: They were going to replace him. The person (or people) who were to be replacing Jef had put in their notice at The Other Dealership (TOD) last week. The existing parts manager at TOD approved a much higher pay plan for the person(s) and they agreed to stay at TOD. Jef heard all this news last Monday, and knew his time was short. The Big Boss said Ix Nay to the pay plan, so the move for the person(s) was back on.

To interject briefly, the parts manager job at a car dealership is like musical chairs. You play the game til the music stops, grab a sturdy seat where you can find one, or fall on your ass. With the knowledge that Jef had of what was to come, we made the decisions we felt were most beneficial for us and kept on chuggin'.

Friday, Jef went into work knowing that he wouldn't make it through the entire day. He had to work until the 9th or forgo his commission check (which they shorted him on nonetheless). Upon receiving his check he shook the hands of the parts guys who worked under him, said it'd been a pleasure, and hit the road to home. There was no manager on duty for him to report to, so it was one of those nanny-nanny-fuck-you moments where he got the last laugh. Teeheehee!

As far as what's next... well, we just don't know. There are a few cars he can work on doing paint and body work, there are some errands we can run for dad and his business, and we have some plans, but nothing is definite as to where we are headed. Honestly, it feels spectacular to not have a road map and a plan. We have savings that will guide us through for a long while as we decide where our family needs to be. Jef has 3 prospect jobs lined up at other dealerships in the area, but we aren't committing to anything right now.

This is the 3rd time in 6 years we have been in this situation, however this is the first time we knew it was coming and were well prepared. It's all a part of the biz, and hopefully this will be the last time we have to deal with this as Jef is looking to get the hell out of Dodge (er- Nissan).

So, everyone grab your Pith Helmets and a sharp machete- let's whack the weeds out of our way as we explore this uncharted territory...

--The Milk Maid says we ain't ruled out the lotto thing yet!

Gots The Monday Lurve!

Mother's day is fast approaching... Is this mother's ring right for your mom?

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I'm having a a great Monday gang! No reason in particular for all my happy-vibes, I guess this is just what the world looks like without the haze of depression.

Jef and I had a lovely weekend- He worked Saturday, but we managed a lot of together time, some great music and a little drink on Saturday night, and a whole day spent together relaxing and having some fun on Sunday.

Ava has a new love for lotion (wo-chin). If she sees any wo-chin around the house, she starts jumping up and down. I will put a little drop in her hands and she rubs them together or will yank her shirt up and slather up the old belly.

Faith got a mini-fridge for her room, complements of my dad. Faith is notorious for leaving cups and food in her room, so I implemented a system where she has to "check out" anything that is going into her fridge. Two drink packs up should equal two pieces of trash back down... I hope my system works. But of course if it doesn't then I guess I will have a little fridge just for me!

School continues to go well- I'm loving the scrubs, I mean how freakin great is it to not have to tuck in a shirt AND have an adjustable waist band. I should have thought that out better many moons ago and saved me a lot of uncomfortable trouble.

Ok, so here's my "thought for the day"... I'm looking for your opinions here gang, so tell me what you think:

I have the Summer quarter of school left after this quarter and I am trying to decide where to "go" post graduation. Originally, I had been thinking of returning to school to get my LPN. I've had a few discussions with people who have pointed out the obvious fact that I would make about as much as an LPN (with 2 years of school) as I would as a phlebotomist (with 9 months of school). I'd also have more responsibility as an LPN. So, considering the other courses that are offered, where I want to be a few years from now, and the salary aspect of it all I have narrowed down my future schooling options to the following fields of study: Radiology Tech, U/S Tech, Lab Tech, or Surgery Tech.

Thoughts anyone? Personal Experiences? Of course I want to fit in having a kid somewhere in all this grand scheme, so that's another piece of the puzzle to work into the master plan.

--The Milk Maid says burnin' it at both ends my peeps!

Playing The Sidekick

I arrived home from my A&P class this morning to find my father readying the playhouse to be moved to where the old shed used to be (which he got a wild hair to tear down last week). The playhouse was elevated about 5 feet off the ground. Dad called an over sized wrecker company, had them come back under the playhouse and use the flatbed of the truck to lift the playhouse. The supports needed to be cut, and this is where I (unknowingly) enter the comedy of errors.

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"Here, cut through that 4"x4" post with this," dad said hading me a saw.

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I jumped right into the cutting, of course. Any excuse to use a power tool, right?

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We cut all four legs loose, the wrecker driver lifted the playhouse free and started to drive towards the concrete slab.

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That's when the driver nearly took the side of the garage off with the playhouse porch. Then, once he backed and cleared that, he made it around and almost ran over my mom who was doing god only knows what wandering around in front of a huge truck. Anyway, the guy got to the slab and tilted the flatbed back towards the slab.

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The playhouse was stuck.

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So he shakes the flat bed. And nothing happens. So he shakes it harder. Still nothing. As the guy decides to tilt it farther and give it a solid bounce my father decides that exact moment would be the perfect time to walk behind the truck and see what was holding it on the truck.

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Picture me, swooping in like a chubby Wonder Woman and pushing dad out of the way. Luckily, the playhouse didn't come off the truck completely and (obviously) I'm here to tell you the story.

I don't know who I worry about more- dad for walking behind the playhouse or me for jumping in to save the day.

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--The Milk Maid says her thighs are too chubby for hot pants.

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Today's comedy of errors was brought to you by the letters D-U-H, and this nice addiction treatment center!

Quiet Saturday

Not a lot going on around here today...

I've studied, taken my A&P test (one of them) and did rather well- I made an 80. The average class score (via online classroom update) is a 61.3!

I started moving some toys of Ava's around, but she decided it was move fun to bring everything that I moved to her room back to the den, so that turned out to be counter productive.

Jef had to work until 4... I was glad it was only 4 as they have been messing with his hours as of late. He had been having to stay until 5:30. Ug- I'm glad they have changed that.

The highlight of my day was getting a shower and washing my hair and shaving my legs ALL at the same TIME! I even exfoliated-- how wonderful is that?

--The Milk Maid says peace out and enjoy the weekend!

car insurance online

A Little Something Fun!

create your own personalized map of the USA
or write about it on the open travel guide

Yoga Is Much Better Than Yodel

I received a DVD a while back, and due to a few technical issues I haven't been able to share my find with you (long boring story, trust me).

The DVD is a Yoga DVD. I know what you are thinking... Yoga huh?

Let me start by saying that waaay back in my karate days I used to take yoga on the side. This DVD reminded me so much of those classes. It is a great way to get a compact workout- the moves really maximize muscle use and tone in arms, legs, and your body's core. The DVD was a beginner's level workout, and can I saw WOW- I am so out of shape. However, the workout was fun- it was a good pace (even for Milk Maid the Sloth Girl) and the instructor wasn't annoying! It's a Gentle Practice DVD... and I think the name is very fitting!

I know there are a LOT of us out here in BlogLand that need a little toning, and if yoga has ever seemed like something you might want to try, I would LOVE to suggest this Yoga DVD.

--The Milk Maid says it's got my squirt of approval!

Um Yez Kitteh....

moar funny pictures

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

A few weeks ago my pal K came into town for a little teacher's learning seminar deal. After picking her up from her hotel we drive back to my casa for an evening of fun! I made K wait in the car while I went in to pick up Faith that afternoon from my parent's house. My mother is classified as a scary encounter on a good day, even for me- I couldn't throw a new friend whom she's never met to the wolves on the first visit.

Faith was excited to meet my new buddy from Texas and she bounded down the steps and ran to my SUV. Faith plopped right into the backseat and skipped her usual stiff glare and apprehension towards new people. An explosion of blabber erupted from Faith. K noted that Faith looked so much like me, and before I could interject my usual, "Well yes, but you should see her father" line Faith blurted out something to the effect of:

It's like a cloning experiment! We both look just like mommy!

K laughed. I blushed a little, but I knew exactly where Faith had gotten that line from. Not only do my kiddos look like me, they freakin' repeat everything I say verbatim.

The night went on and I indulged K in a few old photo books from when Faith was a baby, when Ava was a baby, my wedding... and then I showed her MY photos-- baby pictures right on through high school. She kept giving me this look, like damn they are clones.

She asked me why I'd never blogged the pics before, and I told her that I did once but it was many moons ago.

So for your viewing pleasure (and some comic relief) here are a few photos of Faith and Ava as babies along with me, The Milk Maid, from once upon a time... I apologise in advance for the poor photo quality, my scanner is down and these are photos of photos! I will let everyone guess who is who on the first few numbered shots!

#1

#2

#3

#4

#5

The Milk Maid always styles in overalls!

For B&K... You know the krimped look was IN (I swear this is as geeky as I got)!

I just proved myself wrong... this is a whole other level of geekatude!

I made up for it a little in high school though...

Any one want to wager a guess on my age in this photo?

--The Milk Maid says smooch it!

Easter Jokes

Q. Why did the rabbit call the gynocologist?

A. She thought she had a yeaster infection!

~*~*~*~*~*~

Q. What did the egg day to the pot of boiling water?

A. It may take a while for me to get hard, I just got laid yesterday!

~*~*~*~*~*~

HAPPY EASTER

Things You Already Know

Everyone (I'm certain by this point) can pretty much deduce how much fun was had at MAMU. It was all the rage, but with none of the embarrassment of parachute pants, 90's bangs, or waking up with a tattoo of Jack Black on your ass!

There was one thing I didn't expect (well, other than not expecting to meet and LOVE close to 20 women with all my heart and soul... I knew I'd have fun, but damn- I LOVE you gals... and Debbie that's love like "I love you man" not like "I love you man, let's grab tatas more often". Although it was fun!).

Anywho, back on track here...

I didn't expect to wake up this morning, post-adrenaline rush and stone cold sober- and miss everyone like I have. I felt like I'd gone home in a way, and when B threw us out on the curb at the airport (um, I don't think she does goodbye all that well- but neither do I) I found myself not wanting to leave. Houston was great. There was a certain familiarity to it all. B&K welcomed me to their HOME, not just a house. And K, it's totally bigger than a FEMA trailer- sheish!

I was weepy this morning as I was getting dressed for school. My new found BFF and all my other peeps were far, far away. It was just me, here, all by myself. No friends. I guess I could always call my stalker. Nahh.

Who'd have thought that through the internet I'd find friendship like I have.

As B would probably say, "You're a dork".

--The Milk Maid says I have no bird, I have no bush!
Georgia land for sale ... how fitting!

MAMU Friday Mish-Mash

Hi-Ho peeps! In a few short hours a band of miscreants friends will converge on the city of Houston. I'm glad to be a part of the fray group, and for the faces (or images that represent faces for some of you) that will be missing- well, if we have your phone number we will most certainly drunk dial call you! If we don't have your digits, rest assured you will be with us in spirit!

I can only imagine the scene at the airport when B pulls up in her ghetto jeep (her words, not mine) and the faces of the crowd as she holds up a sign with our last name on it... wearing a Santa suit (or maybe she went for the Easter Bunny costume?)... I grab my jet black wig from my carry on bag, slap on some Paris Hilton style sunglasses that cover most of my head and we zoom towards a weekend of fun!

But first, I think we will stop and take the time to bond. We've become so close, and now we finally meet. In my mind the scene will look something like this:

--The Milk Maid says party on Wayne!

HDMI sounds like fun!

Busy Thursday

I have finally gotten the gang packed up for our Houston Adventure. Well, I'm going to admit it-- only because B will call me out on this if I don't-- I had us mostly packed yesterday. And then I unpacked us. And repacked us. And unpacked us again this morning.

Obsessive compulsive packer you say? Yes. I am. Plus I bought a bunch of stuff on sale (like 80% off kinda sale!) at Ko.hls this morning. Did I need 7 new dressy t-shirts? No, but at $4 or less each, I couldn't resist. I did need a pair of blue jeans, and I found a perfect pair for $8!! I love shopping trips like that. They are way too far in between for me!

Ava and I had a great breakfast this morning. It wasn't the location (that place where the cows say "eat more chicken") but just how much fun she was! She ate half of my eggs, half a biscuit, and drank oj through a straw. We went shopping afterwards, and I think the big ol' meal made her sleepy. She behaved through my rounds at The Wally picking up a few last minute things, and also through our marathon trip at Ko.hls. We dropped dry cleaning, got Jef's bp meds refilled, and did a few more things before coming home. She collapsed into slumber shortly thereafter.

Well gang, I guess this is it until tomorrow's Friday Mish-Mash... To bide your time and keep your brain running strong here's an article on cerebral palsy symptoms.

--The Milk Maid says I'm locking the luggage and hiding the key-- One day til Houston!

Things I Keep Forgetting...

There is a growing list of things I am forgetting to blog about. Here's what you have missed out on so far:

--Just how much liquid will a size 4 Pampers diaper hold? Well, according to a new study done by the Ava Institue For Throwing Stuff In The Potty When No One Is Looking (AIFTSITPWNOOIL for short) they will hold most of the water in the toilet bowl and an audible sluuurp can be heard from the next room as the diaper saps every last drop it can hold.

--Sprite cans will not flush down a toilet.



--Neither will plastic coffee lids.

--A toddler will pee all over your bedding if you forget to bring a diaper with you to a changing session and you have to go back and hunt one.

--To keep balance in the universe, for every one molar a 10 year old pulls, a toddler will cut three molars. All at once. On the same day.

--It is entirely possible for a toddler to shit her pants full, be changed, and repeat the poop-process all over again within 5 minutes. Four times in a row.

--My mother tried to have a meaningful conversation with me the other day. She could tell I'd been a little weepy, so she proceeded to yell at me until I told her what was wrong. Then she laughed at me. Then I called her a bitch. Then we got over it and she offered me a sandwich. I think this falls under the category of "progress".

--They have a Snickers Bar frozen cake at our local grocery store. I'm very glad I had a hair appointment and NO freezer in my car on the day I discovered this fact.

--When a doberman doesn't want to be held by the collar and walked to his destination (crate, backyard, car- wherever) he will start hopping on his back legs like a giant, gangly kangaroo.

--Apparantly "sexy milk maids" is a popular search term to find me. Other popular terms include the words: Free boob photos, milk sex, adult baby nursing, the ever popular eating my sister's/mother's/cousin's passy, and my dog ain't nursin' her pups. I can't wait to see how much I get googled tomorrow from that! I really must be doing a lot of this hot naked free steamy porn stuff wrong.

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--The Milk Maid lives dangerously on the edge. An edge very close to the ground, mind you, but still an edge.

New Hair Monday

I got tired of my plain do. I've been edging towards something fun and funky for a while, but I had not found that "it" I was looking for. Until the other day...

So, I went and got a little jazz to the old tresses today!

My mother, being the saintly and kind hearted person she is (insert lightning strike here), could only manage a, "Well did you mean to do that?" as she pointed at me like I was from another planet. Dad did his usual routine of saying nothing.

Anyone interested in two slightly used, highly moody parents?

--The Milk Maid says money can't buy you love, but it sure can help finance lust!

outdoor furniture