Plunking Along **UPDATED**

I made it out of A&P alive- with a C average. I could really care less at this point because 1) everyone bombed on the last test (class average was a 51, I made a 61) and 2) I'm done I'm done I never have to do it again (I hope) I'm DONE!

**UPDATE**
Considering we did not have a "final exam" per say in A&P the teacher readjusted our weekly test grades to reflect that fact... and I ended up with an 83 average in A&P!!!! Can you say "hell fuckin' yeah?!" (:::the milk maid grabs her chest, does a Mick Jaggeresque strut around the dining room table while she screams HoooHaaaa Bite My Snausage!:::)

My clinical site is confirmed for Super Large Clinic Site. I start that adventure on July 7th.

We had a nice Father's Day- I cooked Jef and dad a super huge standing rib roast with mashed potatoes and corn on the cob. We ate until we collapsed and had to be wheel-barrowed across the yard and dumped onto the couch. Jef's real Father's day gift is supposed to show up today... I'm sure he'll showcase his gift from Ava and Faith in a future episode of MIC (that's Milk-Induced Coma, FYI).

Anyone read any good diet pill reviews as of late?

I would like- no I would LOVE- to start doing a little "beverage du jour" post once a week or so. Gather up your suggestions (and I know you have them!) for wine, mixed drinks, beer or ale, shooters, or any other adult beverage -- or even adult beverage substitute!!-- for yours truly to try and review. I am holding a nice little gift (a REAL gift for a real giveaway) for the Best Drink of the Month Contest. You have until the end of this month to submit ideas, every one's name will go into a hat, and the winner will get the PrIzE! Fo reals yo!

--The Milk Maid says many will enter, few will win- No purchase necessary!!

Spread Thin Like That Last Dab Of Mayo In Your Jar

Repeat after me:

ONE MORE WEEK OF STUPID FREAKIN' SCHOOL!

And can we all hear the echo as I should those glorious words from the roof tops? Oh yeah, I think we can!

A&P, you can suck my nonexistent weener. I loathe you and your workbook from hell. How I flinch every single time the teacher mispronounces a word (and not even words like hydrophilic or plasmapheresis- a word like murmur or value or respiration... or wasn't). How I dread Dumb Kate hanging all over me like kudzu clings to pine trees. Ohhh the list could go on, you know.

On an up note, I got my assignment for clinicals- and it's the exact place I wanted to be at- the majorly major totally tubular fun-filled jolly hospital place (she said trying to keep the excitement flowing about all of this).

On the Big J front: A former boss and close pal of Big J's called the other night looking "desperately" for Jef. He continued by saying, "I must have you work for me. I must! I cannot fathom the depths I would sink to if you were to not lay all other business aside and RUN to me and work here! And you look dashing in that new polo your wife bought for you- stunning!"

(Editors note: The above referenced side of conversation may or may not have taken place verbatim as the author of this blog could only hear what Jef was saying, but in the author's mind that's how it all went down.)

So- Jef had the "interview" today which probably consisted of drinking beer and eating hot wings and looking at the breasts of young women who are forced to wear panty hose due to the shortness of their shorts. And- of course- Jef was offered the job, which he plans on taking as soon as the paper work stating salary and blahblahblah is in hand. Looks like we wont have to live in any cheap hotels in the foreseeable future.

So- It looks like things are getting back to *cough*hack*gag*hatethisword* NORMAL around these parts.

--The Milk Maid says normal is for sissies. Or maybe brudders. Perhaps an aunt or uncle.

Gots The Monday Lurve!

Mother's day is fast approaching... Is this mother's ring right for your mom?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I'm having a a great Monday gang! No reason in particular for all my happy-vibes, I guess this is just what the world looks like without the haze of depression.

Jef and I had a lovely weekend- He worked Saturday, but we managed a lot of together time, some great music and a little drink on Saturday night, and a whole day spent together relaxing and having some fun on Sunday.

Ava has a new love for lotion (wo-chin). If she sees any wo-chin around the house, she starts jumping up and down. I will put a little drop in her hands and she rubs them together or will yank her shirt up and slather up the old belly.

Faith got a mini-fridge for her room, complements of my dad. Faith is notorious for leaving cups and food in her room, so I implemented a system where she has to "check out" anything that is going into her fridge. Two drink packs up should equal two pieces of trash back down... I hope my system works. But of course if it doesn't then I guess I will have a little fridge just for me!

School continues to go well- I'm loving the scrubs, I mean how freakin great is it to not have to tuck in a shirt AND have an adjustable waist band. I should have thought that out better many moons ago and saved me a lot of uncomfortable trouble.

Ok, so here's my "thought for the day"... I'm looking for your opinions here gang, so tell me what you think:

I have the Summer quarter of school left after this quarter and I am trying to decide where to "go" post graduation. Originally, I had been thinking of returning to school to get my LPN. I've had a few discussions with people who have pointed out the obvious fact that I would make about as much as an LPN (with 2 years of school) as I would as a phlebotomist (with 9 months of school). I'd also have more responsibility as an LPN. So, considering the other courses that are offered, where I want to be a few years from now, and the salary aspect of it all I have narrowed down my future schooling options to the following fields of study: Radiology Tech, U/S Tech, Lab Tech, or Surgery Tech.

Thoughts anyone? Personal Experiences? Of course I want to fit in having a kid somewhere in all this grand scheme, so that's another piece of the puzzle to work into the master plan.

--The Milk Maid says burnin' it at both ends my peeps!

My First Blood

Everyone grab a seat and hear the tale of how the Milk Maid drew first blood!

Well, ok so technically it wasn't really blood (it was water with red coloring) and technically it was from an arm, although it was just a fake arm. But the needles were real! And the alcohol swabs. And the gauze too! Yeah, don't forget the gauze!

Here a pictures of my first draws:

And here's a little photo of yours truly, all dressed up in scrubs like her hospital heroes on the television show Scrubs (although today I was more of a Doug than a JD or Dr. Cox- if you watch the show you understand completely).

I have to admit, welding a needle is exciting. It's dangerous! It makes me feel alive!! However, those stupid fake arms are about 400 years old and it looks like Ray Charles had been using them for practice. Oh well- I'm sure I'll encounter real people with veins like that too.

It's been a rather exciting day- I'm feeling pretty good as of late. I'm feeling a little peppier in my steppier. Sure, there has been a lot of heartache for my peeps B&K, there has been a lot of other nasty things going on too- in real life and in bloggerville, but I'm moving through a little easier these days. My secret, you ask? A low dose of my pal "Vitamin L". My new doc was more than happy to re-up my past scrip for it, and after the nasty side-effect of not being able to sleep wore off I became a new person this past week. I even watched a show on kidney transplants yesterday and didn't even fight back the urge to vomit, not even once!

--The Milk Maid says that's life in a vacutainer my peeps!

magnifiers

A&P Really Means Annoying and Pissy

I have had my head in a text book for the vast majority of the past 4 hours reading and studying and doing practice exercises and homework for A&P. If anyone comes up to me on the street today and asks me a question about amino acids or ionic and covalent bonds I will answer them, then punch them dead in the face.

*

I have 3 tests this week- 2 in A&P and 1 in Intro to Venipuncture (or as classmate C calls it "Venus Puncture"). The Intro to V test should be pretty simple and ask basic questions about things like HIPPA and needle sticks. The teacher (who I swear missed her calling to be a comedian) said the answers are pretty much going to be "don't say anything about anyone" and "don't get poked with a needle (you dummy!)".

*

I made a doctor's appointment today for my needed immunizations. I have to get a "mini-physical" since our insurance recently changed our PCP. I am SO looking forward to my grand and glorious mini-physical- I could just vomit right now I am SO thrilled. If you have been around the Milk-Induced Coma for more than a couple days, then you know how much I love doctors. Love, love, love- oh I am SO full of love (If I keep this snark up much longer I might be forced to use the best wrinkle cream ever to hide the furrows in my brow).

*

*

:::Maniacal look appears in Milk Maid's eyes. She grabs a pencil and threatens to stab herself in the jugular for effect:::

*

*

--The Milk Maid would never jab herself with a pencil... not on purpose anyway.

I'll Have My Mish-Mash Now

I seriously debated mish-mashing today. I seem to be a little moody. A little crisp around the edges. Perhaps crisp all the way through. I'm grouchy. And I don't know why!

I've been moody for a few days now. Snippy snap this, snippy snap that. Little things, big things, red things, blue things, false things, true things. Dr. Seuss things!

I'm feeling better now, let me say, and kthx for asking.

I am partially better because Jef's asshole boss- short ex-Marine with attitude- got fired today. He's been walking a thin line, and something about the tens of thousands of dollars the service department lost over the past few months made the Big Boss cut him loose today. Jef's goal of outlasting short ex-Marine with attitude has been attained, and we will see where we go from here... I'm 100% positive it will be in the direction of up up UP!

It's a nasty and rainy day today. We are expecting hail and thunderstorms, and after the last bought of shit-weather, well- I'm so excited I can barely contain myself. Of course we will have horrid weather- I have an online A&P test this weekend! It's a timed test, as all of them will be, and you get 2 minutes per question max. There is no going back to change answers. And if you get locked out because of the internet going down or whatever then you are just "screwed" per Teacher In Need Of Makeup. Ahh, the joys of skool.

--The Milk Maid says here's your Mish-Mash K!

School, Part 2

I'm back in school!

I have Human Anatomy and Physiology as well as Introduction to Venipuncture this quarter. I'm excited about both classes, but more so about the venipuncture class. First of all my teacher talks and acts like the comedian Maria Bamford. Seriously, just like that- complete with multiple voices and mannerisms, etc! She also uses a lot of drug references in her lectures. She lets ALL the students use her as their 1st live "blood poke". She says, and raised her sleeves to prove it, that her arms look like that of a heroin addict. She's been teaching for 13 years, so either (A) she's really that insane to let 15-20 newbie students a quarter stick her in the arm and draw blood, or (B) she's got the perfect cover.

The second reason I am SO freakin' stoked to be in this class is that it is 70% labs. We start by drawing blood from fake arms with real veins and red-dyed water and then move to the teacher for our first live kill, then we go on to use the other students as guinea pigs. That last part is the best, except for the fact that I have to be a guinea pig for a LOT of not so bright looking students.

Inadvertently (let's get that part clear strait away, ok)... inadvertently, I have made a friend in my A&P and Intro to V class. Her name (on this blog anyway) is Kate. She wants to be a cardiologist, but considering she just got her GED at age 22, she thought she would try a little technical college first. Now, let me say this before any undie-bunching occurs: I am very proud of this girl for getting her GED and pursuing her education. She has a wonderful personality and is very kind, compassionate, and would make a wonderful doctor.

But- isn't their always a but?- she is not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. This is her 3rd go around at A&P. At least she's endearing...

Anyways, I usually park in the lot that is furthest away from the building. I enjoy the walk, the beautiful tree with twisted branches that I park in front of every day, the smell of the paint booth at the school's body shop. Kate has started waiting for me in the parking lot to walk to class with me. Now, I am a creature of habit and routine- namely I have to pee-tinkle and wash my hands in the same bathroom every morning and do my little OCD shit in peace, thank you very much. Ok, so little Kate wants a buddy to walk to class with. That's cool. Kate also sits by me in both classes. And now she's wanting to walk me to my car after class. Um, Kate, honey, sweetie... I don't need an escort. If you are looking for love you are looking in all the wrong places. It's kinda creepy kid. Seriously.

--The Milk Maid says stalkers are fun until you can't get rid of them!

It Has Come To My Attention...

...That I seem to be neglecting my blog (thanks for pointing that out B!).

So here I am. I'm blogging. See me?!

Ava was sick Monday and Tuesday- fever, belly ache, generally cranky. I think she was really constipated and cutting teeth at the same time (only theory I got folks). I have her a small suppository and she had a massive poop. It'd been three whole days, and lemme just say- wow! I beg the large zoo mammal to please remove yourself from Ava's rear end because I know my baby is not capable of making anything like that all by herself!

In other non-fecal related news Faith brought home a wonderful report card of A's and B's... she's brought all her grades up this time (with the exception of one, but it went from low A to high B, so no worries!). She also came up to me today and asked if she could spend the money she'd been saving on a Ninten.do DS. Believe it or not, she has more than enough casho to buy one! I am taking her tomorrow (and mama is going looking at lap tops too- whooo!).

My school resumes next week. I am o-v-e-r-j-o-y-e-d at that peeps. I'd forgotten how much I enjoy doing nothing all day, not thinking, and not having to wear a bra. Oh well, education calls and I have a 4.0 GPA to uphold, so off I go to skool I shall trot.

--The Milk Maid says it ain't easy to be this cheesy!

A Little Heave, Ho!

I wish you could hear the excitement spewing out of me right now! You would be all, "Damn this chick is perky today- wow!"

Basically, The Ho got heaved... Lemme 'splain it: The girl who shared an office with my Big J (the Incedent where that girl ate part of Jef's food!) was relieved of her duties yesterday. Something about a test she couldn't pass. It wasn't a Medical Terminology test either people.

----> Insert Evil Laughter Here <-----


And speaking of Med Term, I got a very good grade on my last test... a 101. I am totally digging this class!


Let's see... lots to catch up on today: The cat came home. Oh- I forgot to tell you the cat ran away 2 days ago. He saw the open door and zooop!~ he was gone. However, being a cat, when the temp hit 25 degrees and rain started blowing he showed up on the front porch not too worse for wear.


I saw a billboard today from a local church cult (they lock the doors so no one can leave until the donation "goal" is reached every Sunday and the preacher lives in a 7 Million Dollar Lake Home, so I vote cult!) that said, "Make fasting a part of your life". I grimaced at the location of the sign- above a Krystal- and sped away to get a fast food breakfast at the Micky Dees.

Speaking of breakfast, I lost my coffee this morning and had to search the whole house for it. About 5 minutes later I found my cup o' Joe, right next to my flash cards. The card on top was dementia. And now the flash cards are mocking me!

--The Milk Maid said Happy 300th Post to me!

(Not all 300 are published, the big celebration will be at the "real" 300th posted post).

Tuesday 1.22.08

It's still cold and rainy and below freezing here... meaning sleet or ice is expected soon. Bleh- Georgia usually doesn't have weather like this in such long spurts. I'm ready to move to the tropics. Michelle, do you need a roomie in Guam?

I had my 2nd Med Term test today... I made a 96. I was disappointed. The couple of questions I missed I totally over analyzed and over-answered. Imagine me going overboard on something- hard to do right? I had to step back and remind myself that if I'd made a 96 on a science related test (or, well any kind of test except English) in high school I would have had the attitude of "Whew- suck it! I'm not studying anymore until I'm in danger of a low C in this class."

Damn, I guess this means I am more grown up than I thought. Maybe I should go throw a rock at someone to counteract my "adultness".

--The Milk Maid says people in glass houses shouldn't walk around in the buff.

Checkup Day Mish Mash

Ava had her 15 month check up this morning...

Stats: She is 34" tall (above the 100% percentile) and 25.4 lbs (around 75%).

Antics: She took the doctor's pen away, dumped a low lying jar of tongue depressors on the floor, took a swing at the nurse when she was giving her the chickenpox vaccine, logged herself into the Dr's computer (um, easy password or hacker genius?), and had a blast jabbering and being the center of attention!

Ava has outgrown every pair of shoes she owns within the past 2 weeks. Of course it doesn't help that she spreads her toes out as wide as they will go so I can't get shoes on her feet. Anyways, I went to Ko.hls after her appointment and bought her 2 new pairs of shoes! If she will let me take them away from her I will get a clear photo of them and show you guys (A-dooor-able!). I keep telling her she is too young for such a hardcore shoe fetish! She exploded when I gave the shoes to the cashier to be rung up... Patience my dear, and a little self control!

Ok- it's back to the books for me... I am a studying fool. For once, having an obsessive compulsive tendency is totally paying off!

--The Milk Maid says TGIF!
student loans

PS- As a footnote to my Darn That Box Wine Post:
Michell, I saw Mr. Happy about the same time as Faith did, so I kicked it under the bed and told her it was an old remote control. Technically, it is- right? *wink*

As far as how much box wine was left after my little, er "episode" well- it's hard to say. The box is still heavy. Maybe I can invent the Box-Wine-Gauge... in all my spare time I will definitely do that! I wasn't too hungover, so I probably didn't get that much to drink, it just all went to my crazy spot.