Just When You Think She Hates You She Goes And Holds Your Hair While You Puke

Friday night, after closing the satellite location I will call Doodoo-ville, I went to meet my co-workers Margarita, RoxC, and Tiny-Whiny. We met at a little hole in the wall that features a live band, cheep drinks, and a cozy atmosphere.

Being a little late to the party (again I was driving from Doodoo-ville and they were mere minutes away from the locale) I was bound and determined to catch up to their festive mood by imbibing a few quick vodka-crans.

Normally, being the social, and well occasionally not-so-social-drinker, that I am I have no problem holding my alcohol.

Only I'd gone a little light on breakfast that day. And I ate an early and small lunch. And well, sometimes I forget how fast The Vodka can catch up with me especially when I'm slamming back the smooth refreshing taste of cranberry with every drop.

Somewhere between dirty dancing with RoxC and Random Bar Lady Who Helped Herself To A Cheese stick I Was Eating and my buddy Margarita leaving and some more dancing and a whirl and a whoosh of activity my brain and eyes were too slow to follow I remember uttering the words, "I gotta barf!".

Tiny-Whiny held my hand and led me to the bathroom. I locked myself in the stall and starting riding the vomit comet. As I was enjoying my hard-earned hurl RoxC starting banging on the stall door. By banging I mean trying to kick the door off its hinges. I unlock the door, see a boot inches from my face, and return to my business. Tiny-Whiny grabs my hair and starts trying to hold it back or tie it up or something (hell I can't exactly remember what she was doing, I was drunk you know). Then, these words flowed from her mouth: It's ok, this is how we did it in prison!

Note to self and anyone else trying to lend a hand to me as I am on my hands and knees with my ass in the air puking my guts out: Never ever compare that moment to prison.

About that same time a small white object is flung at me. The small white object (that appeared to be a pill of some sort) rolled under the sanitary waste disposal can. Tiny-Whiny grabbed the small object as RoxC was yelling "give it to her". Tiny-Whiny shoved the tiny pill, the tiny pill that had been on the public bathroom floor under the bin where products used to quell menstrual flow are thrown away, into my mouth.

Well oh well Alice In Wonderland- if the one you eat makes you taller and the one you drink makes you smaller, then what does the white one do? It makes you stop hurling (phenergan) and call you husband and ask for a ride home.

The moral of the story?

People who are assholes in your work life may very well be the ones holding you hair as you puke one day, so tread lightly.

--The Milk Maid says sing me a song piano man!

Maybe I should send Tiny-Whiny some flowers a some New York Yankees tickets

Built To Last

Most friendships I've held throughout the years have ended nearly as suddenly as they began. Let's face it, I'm a hard sell for a lifetime commitment. Just ask my ex-phleb class buddy CindyLooHoo, or my ex-BFF from age 6 months through high school, or heck ask my ex-husband (you know, if you can find him).


Luckily, maybe once or twice in a life time, I've found a friend that I know will always be there for me. My number one position is held, of course, by my Big J.


And number two, you ask... C'mon. We all know it's my Pal B.


So, you ponder, just how does a long tall Southern gal and all her witchy ways manage to snag a wallet-toting Mid-West butch gal for her BFF?


The answer to that question is much simpler than it may appear...


We're both fucking warped as hell!


And besides that, well- you could say we've both been burned before (once bitten, twice shy- served as your daily mixed metaphor appetizer) in friendship and in love, we share the same interest in music and in art, and we have a lot of goodness in our tender little hearts- although we'd rather not show that side. We're suckers for the cause. We want to believe that a true friendship can be held intact, and that what we want in life isn't transient.


I think most importantly we understand each other. Through good or bad we know when to press our limits, there are unspoken boundaries we didn't even know we set, and the non-verbal cues (which um, heLLo we speak on the phone 98% of the time so , like that's important!) we share are better than most old married couples.


And when my pal B says something about the side effect of a random medicine being "diarrhea and incompetence"... well, I know for sure, after picking myself up out of the floor and making myself stop laughing, that we must truly share a brain.


Or half at least half a brain.


--The Milk Maid says at least it wasn't incontinence!

system memory is fantasic!

Blog, What Blog?

Yeah, so sue me- I've been sparse. Let's pick up about 12 hours after I wrote my Lactation Cessation Post on Friday shall we?

Because my children have the ultimate goal in life to make me out to be a liar, Ava started on a nursing-freakin-frenzy Friday night. I was delighted until Saturday when she wouldn't get off my boob! My gawd child, it's been nearly a week- what is the deal? Did you suddenly remember you liked ninny-nectar? Were you feeling a little needy? What was that whole "nurse until I bring up a blood blister on your boober" thing about? Seriously kid, are you in or are you out?

Sunday we went to a local "German Themed Town" a little north of here. We ate wiener schnitzel and kraut and drank beer and then we went for fudge, chocolate, rock candy, a funnel cake, chocolate dipped strawberries, more fudge, divinity candy, and pecan logs. Then we went into a sugary coma and died. Right there next to the horse drawn carriage. Kablooey.

Yesterday I stuck my first REAL LIVE ARM attached to a REAL LIVE PERSON in phleb class! I poked my ditzy pal Kate on her right arm, hit the vein perfectly and then the dumbass moved.her.arm. And the needle pulled out. And she bled on the chair. Then I stuck her other arm, the teacher made her not move, and I did perfect. Cause I'm like that, ya know. In spurts at least.

Today Kate and our other pal Cindy went to Cindy's house and swam and sunbathed. Then they decided I should pierce their belly buttons. And I did, because I'm very accommodating and I happen to keep a rather large stash of pre-sterilized piercing needles on hand at all times (because god only knows what needs a hole poked in it, am I right or am I right?).

Anyways... Here I sit sunburned, relaxing from the day with my Big J who is home early thanks to a dentist appointment.

Tune in tomorrow for more shenanigans!

--The Milk Maid says poke me, poke me!

The I Almost Forgot It Was Friday Mish-Mash

Today feels like Tuesday people! I have been so off this week. I blame it on not having school Wednesday. My final exam in Med Term is Monday- I'm ready to get it over and done with!

In other news: Our new Tar.get opened this week! Whoooo! This thing is huge AND it has a Star.bucks! Or maybe the Star has a Tar.get? They are both so equally huge, I couldn't decide.

I am picking up K this afternoon at her hotel in Atlanta and stealing her away from her teacher conference duties for the rest of the day! As most of you will recall (rather hazily for some of you) K was part of the gathering had in Houston last weekend. I'm sure our evening will consist of just chilling out and chatting B up on the cell phone! B- I promise to return your gal to ya safe and sound sometime tomorrow. Big J will be at the helm to get her to the airport safely and on time, so she's in good hands all around!

The Great Baby Discussion of 2008 has flared up again. Pending a couple of details, we might be putting our TTC hats on sooner rather than later. Details are to follow, of course. However, seeing that my ovaries and uterus are very shy (I feel them blushing now) the ins and outs blow by blow comings and goings happenings will be kept mostly under wraps on this blog. I've got a dedicated site in the works, and as soon as the place is spiffied up I'll call everyone in for the ribbon cutting ceremony!

Not a lot else is going on around the humble abode gang- I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

--The Milk Maid says she keeps her book by Mimi Smartypants on top of a stun gun and she uses these little cheap eyeglasses to see the fine print!

Fun, Tying Loose Ends

FUN:

I Could Definitely Be a Vampire...

Immortality, staying pretty forever, not having to get a job... you could definitely eat some flesh for these things.

It's not that you're a murderer by nature. In fact, you're probably the furthest thing from it.

However, if you woke up a vampire, you'd certainly be able to adapt and enjoy your new lifestyle.

There might not be much better than living forever, even if it means giving up your soul.

What you would like best about being a vampire: Being a total outsider

What you would like least about being a vampire: Other vampires

Could You Be a Vampire?

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LOOSE ENDS:

I am supposed to write a whole blog about my opinion of mustard and give an honest review. Now, I love mustard as much as the next person- and the two full sized, free samples I was sent of Grey Poupon were awesome! So awesome was the Harvest Course Ground style mustard that I will be making it my go-to fancy mustard! But how much can one person write about this yellow stuff? Not a whole blog... moving on!

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I got this bling the other day:

from Tammy... Thanks so much girl!!! I don't know how much of a purpose I have other than making people laugh, but I suppose we all have our calling.

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GUIDELINES: Awarded parties must nominate five people who have not received the award. The blogs that receive the award must serve some purpose. In their post about the award they need to link back to the original entry. Awarded parties must post the award banner on their site. The banner must remain linked to Eric Novak's site.

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My nominees are:

1. R from Rajen Creation for allowing us to be a part of her journey to and thru her pregnancy... I have learned so much from this girl! Most of which I can blog about (*wink*).
2. K from Weebles Wobble because when we aren't laughing out butts off at her scathing witt and warped humor, we are learning how hard it is to cross the divide from infertile to pregnant.
3. Deena at The Lazy P... she's had so many ups and downs in her world the past year, but she always pulls through and moves forward with grace. We could all learn something from Deena.
4. Cora at Adventures of Ethan. This is the mama duck of them all... if you don't know her or read her blog, you should. With 4 kids in the house there is always a lesson to learn.
5. Kat at Baby Bound has had a huge string of crap-luck. How she manages to stay sane is beyond me... go give that girl some muppet love gang!

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--The Milk Maid says boom chaka lacka!

Pit Stop

I had the pleasure of finally meeting a blog buddy... !!

Kelly, Matt, and Doran made a pit stop at my humble abode on their way back from Louisiana! I was SO excited when Kelly said that they could make it... I have known her for what feels like forever.

Back when Jef and I decided to have a baby, I joined a great information board where I met many other women who all had the same goal as I did. Kelly and I hit it off immediately- our cycles mirrored each other, as did many of our beliefs and opinions. We got pregnant within a month of each other.

That was way back in 2005.

Her little guy- Doran (who is a total cutie pie a la mode!) is almost one. Ava celebrated her big first birthday last month. Kelly and I have seen each other through a lot of ups and downs, been there to answer the whys and why nots of motherhood (when we've had any answers at all), and waited silently in the background on occasion knowing the other person needed positive thoughts sent their way, and that we were always on the other's mind amidst the chaos that is parenting and life.

Doran, Kelly, Me, Ava, Faith

(Matt's hiding behind the camera)

In other news: Jef's new job seems to be going great! There is a lot to be done- as there usually is when a new manager comes to town-- but I know my Big J... he's raring and ready to take charge!

I wrote my first research paper in a looong time yesterday. No, not for school- for a pal, Konetta, who is a reflexologist. She is renting a new office and wanted to have a nice long "read" to explain what she did. It really didn't take a lot of time to write it, but man did my brain feel all sore afterwards. Whew- I guess I'd better practice that skill a bit more before I totally rust over.

--The Milk Maid says a bird in the hand is worth 2 Hannah Montana tickets in the bush.