Ninja Phlebotomist Girl Has Wicked Fast Reflexes

This week during my clinical adventures I have moved to the pediatric side of the lab. The phleb that closes down at night will always have to wrap up on the pedi side, so the experience is a must. However, in my book- a book that includes cooties, vomit, urine, and pain in the ass spoiled brats- the experience is bringing in mixed reviews.

I love the kids that come in that are ready and willing to go. I love the kids that are scared of what will happen to them and I take the time to explain what I am doing and why it's being done. I even love the babies that have puked up milk on me (cause God bless them they are so freakin cute, even with sour-milk breath). I even love the kids who squeal and wiggle- they bleed faster and get out sooner.

What I don't like is a 13 year old girl who tries to bite me (yes I said BITE me) while I'm doing a strep throat swab. What I dislike equally as much is the 11 year old who took a fucking swing at me while doing yet another throat culture (I'm beginning to see a pattern here).

I handled biting girl by pinching her nose (ever so gently of course) and forcing her to either open up and let me swab or pass out. Either way works, right?

I handled the knock out kid like this: She swung at my head with her left hand, I used my left to grab her wrist (as her unconcerned mother looked on) and use my fast reflexes to swab just as vigorously as I could with my right hand. I then proceeded to give her a glare that could have melted polar ice. One of those "You picked the wrong bitch today" looks. My Nike Shox are now officially my new bitch shoes.

Starting Monday I will float between offices- the main lab, a satellite location that is 10 minutes from home, and possibly yet another location later on that is south of here but still very close. My application has officially been pulled for review by Head Lab Lady. SB, who is 2nd in command, but my direct supervisor, assures me I have job. Not that I was too worried.

--The Milk Maid says why buy the cow when you get the Milk Maid for free?

Tone up with this fantastic weight equipment... You know you wanna!

Enjoy The Ride

Disclaimer: This post may include the following phrases...

• Bear with me here
• No, I am not entirely sure where I am going with this either
• Stop me if I ramble
• My train of thought has derailed yet again

(and my personal favorite)

• There once was a man from Nantucket

With Big J working some odd freakin hours it's given me some time to contemplate lots of stuff. The important things like Oh hey if you kick the tar out of the couch that toe nail will completely fall off! and Why does the dog enjoy eating saw dust?!

I miss my fella when he's gone, but I have actually had some nice insights to myself as of late. One of which is just how high my energy level is. And how the whole concept of "when I'm busy I'm happy" (aka idle hands do the Devil's work) really applies to me.

Another insight I've had is how co-dependent I am with Big J. The longest time apart I've had from my babe since we started dating is the 3 1/2 days I was in Houston recently. It was healthy time away (ok, maybe the combo and amount of wine, Greek food, and jelly beans I had wasn't healthy, but me being ME away from Big J was beneficial). But as soon as I got back to the airport... well, let's just saw those "drop your luggage and run into your lover's arms to the cheers of the crowd" commercials got nuttin on me and him. I know now that I can make it on my own for more than 5 minutes. I'm a big kid now, yo!

A lot of these insecurities from the past are what caused me to change my name from That Other Name to Aradia (which is technically what it used to be before it was changed... I need to publish a Cliff's Notes for all this, right?). Jef knew me as That Other Name long before I got the wild hair to change it. Jef still calls me by That Other Name as often as not. In all my school and work stuff I tend to go by that name since Aradia is so unusual, has such an interesting meaning, and leads to a lot of uncomfortable conversation (the conversation itself is uncomfortable- I'm still anti-social by any title). Many of my virtual friends out there (that'd be some of y'all) even know That Other Name.

I really think that the whole Aradia name has been a sort of Talisman for me. It's who I want to be. Aradia is confident and cool, even slightly cocky and headstrong at times. Aradia will jump into a gang and become a pirate ninja mobster and help to kick people's asses. That Other Name is shy little girl who wouldn't (couldn't) muster the voice to order in a restaurant for herself until she was 17 years old. If then. That Other Name was a badge of weakness and shame. That Other Name endured hardships and tragedy that no child should have to face, and that even the Mighty Aradia still isn't ready to blog about.

In my recent past, by whatever moniker I've chosen to divulge, I have managed to come out ahead. Be it in school, in work, or just in daily life, I have managed to merge the best of That Other Name with the best of Aradia. I've felt a wholeness that doesn't need a designation to exist.

A rose by any other name I suppose?

Am I going to narrow my appellation down to just one in the near future? No... As far as I've come it's still nice to have my talisman. It's still nice to be able to completely be myself here, and That Other Name is never likely to let me off the chain to reach far enough to be comfortable.

I suppose part of the progress I've made (or the Lexapr0 has made) in me is to come to an agreement with myself about all of this. Truthfully, it's all trivial to most people out there. To me it feels like a big step forward.

--The Milk Maid says sweet are the uses of adversity!

Akavar

This N Thats N Such

Hello All!

Yet another lovely day in phlebotomy-land! I'm really tired, I'm really hungry, and I really don't wanna cook, so perhaps delivery is on the menu tonite.

Big J is clucking along happily at his new job (did I mention he has a job? He's been there 2 weeks and loves it- there, I mentioned it!). He hurt his foot the other day and has been limping around on a swollen, blueish tootsie for a couple of days. He was off of work today, so he iced his foot on and off most of the day. Perhaps I wont have to amputate it-- maybe he will go to the DOCTOR (ahem, if you are reading this, you big goober!).

Anywhos- perhaps one day I will write something witty and not about blood. Of course, maybe one day I will have enough brain cells left to write more than 12 complete sentences in a blog too. Everyone hold your breath and see what color blue you turn before that happens, ok?

Oh- and I promise a Milk Maid Behaving Badly in Houston post soon. Kinda soon. Soonish...

--The Milk Maid says two-step your way to your powdered sugar stash!

private jet charter

Hi, My Name Is Milk Maid And I Suck

I have been SO F-IN BUSY at clinicals that when I come home I promptly collapse into a heap in the garage. I cannot even fathom walking into the living room and laying on something besides cold hard concrete. I am up to 227 sticks in less than 2 weeks (I need 306 to ace the clinicals class) and I am a super duper pooper doopered gal.

Can I reiterate the point that I.fuckin.love.my.job i'm not getting paid to do, so maybe it isn't really a job, but nonetheless bear with me and all that jazz! Seriously, I have never been so happy to get up and go do something for zero moolah in my whole existence. I haz a lurve, oh yes I do.

I put in an application to my clinical site for employment, and my "girl" J who is over me, but under the direct supervisor, told me that if it was up to her she would have hired me on day 3 of my training. Even the big boss (S) bragged to my phlebotomy teacher about how wonderful I was. My head is totally like this --> [--------------------------------] big. And then they all found out I can mutilate speak the Spanish language- and they were jumping for joy! Asi is la vida, no?

--The Milk Maid says me gusta tu carne!

personalized gifts

Drink Du Jour Winner

Out of all the wonderful, tasty, cool and frost beverages that were submitted there was one that stood out from the crowd! Not only was this drink tasty, it was something I already had most of the ingredients for and was made easily and quickly! Of course, good things come to those who wait and a great deal of shopping and mixing for an optimum beverage is not that much of a stretch when it comes down to it. The real factor in deciding who #1 was going to be was the taste (like duh!- right?).



So, without further adieu the Drink Du Jour winner for June was.....

Deena at The Lazy P and her kickin' Gimlet!

Very clean, very crisp, very easy to make and imbibe- the gimlet is a fashionable drink that you don't have to put on your three piece suit to have a sip! Perfect for summertime, party time, and anytime (!) it quickly became my favorite new fire water.

And, if you drink just enough of these tasty lil drinks, you can do the following just like me and my pal D...

Deena, your loverly prize from Milk-Induced Coma Land will arrive on your door step within the next 10-12 days. Once you get it I'll post a pic for all to see!

--The Milk Maid says please sign this release to indemnify your rights.

Ladybug steam cleaners

They Call Me Pokey McSticker

People. Arms. Median cubital veins. Blood. Gauze. Paperwork. Computers. Big honkin' needles.

Can I just say, "I freakin LOVE my work!!!". Really, really, really!!!

The lab girls are so friendly (and share my warped sense of humor), the boss comes in late and leaves early, and most people have superb veins. And those people who seem to have forgotten to bring their veins IN for their lab work? Oh, I root and toot and hunt around like an old pro. If I still don't find a vein, I just yell ("heeeelp" squeals the Milk Maid).

Life is good... I am tired...

--The Milk Maid says half the sticks at one third of the pain!

headphones

Firework Friday Mish-Mash

Happy 4th my peeps!

I'm in happy Houston for the long weekend... B&K have pretty much taken me hostage and are feeding me copious amounts of food, forcing me to imbibe far too much alcohol, making me sing and dance to Salt & Peppa songs, watch dirty comedy movies, and have a TERRIFIC time!

Today we head out for some adventure (to some undisclosed location).

Hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday!

--The Milk Maid says whatchu wanna do, I wanna shoop!

memory

I'll Take Peter, Paul, And Mary Songs For $500 Alex!

I'm leaving on a jet plane! No, really!!

A couple of weeks ago- after shutting down their blogs without TELLING me first, giving me a heart attack, making me has a sad, and then bribing me to stop whining- my pals B&K hatched a glorious scheme.

"Come to Houston, Milk Maid!" they echoed in happy harmony.

So, me being the clingy, needy wife that I am- who would never, ever leave her hubby for a long weekend trip to a city far, far away- promptly fooled all the doubters (B included) and booked a ticket to H-ton. Yes, really. Really, really.

So, for the past week or more, every single day (occasionally multiple times) my phone will ring or my email will bleep with the same question: Are you still coming?

Of course the answer is and always has been: Are you still sure you want me?

--The Milk Maid says kiss me and smile for me!

(Does colon cleanser work on commas?)

The Case Of The Missing Sister Mish-Mash

Thursday night a little after 9pm the phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Jef's sister D's number. I handed him the phone, thinking the call would be something about the upcoming move that Jef's dad will be making or other brotherly/sisterly based conversation.

Within a few seconds I realized by the look on Jef's face that this call was very, very different. It was Bro Mikey calling (D's hubby). D was supposed to pick their son up from the airport at 3. She'd sent their son a text saying she was running a little behind. D never showed up at the airport; no one had heard from her in person since noon.

We all feared the worst.

Jef's brother, Ronny, passed away just over a year ago. D has a history of seizures. Our minds raced- what could have happened?! A heart attack, a stroke, a seizure-- was she carjacked in the middle of downtown Atlanta?

Needless to say, we didn't sleep a wink that night awaiting the news of Deby's fate.

The next morning on the way to grab breakfast Jef's cell phone rang. My heart sank. I didn't want to hear the news that I was certain awaited. I didn't want to see Jef's eyes well with tears and his heart break over the loss of his sister.

D was safe and sound... and I have never been so happy to hear that someone had spend the night in jail.

The rest of the story is still unfolding, but it is claimed that D's transgressions were just a case of a simple mix up. Only time will tell... And jailbird or not I'm glad as heck she's ok!

--The Milk Maid says roast your jailbird at 425 degrees for one hour for best flavor.

Bottoms Up!

If you will recall, not very long ago I asked for some drink suggestions for a little contest. Thanks to all those of you who have sent suggestions like Deena, Mother Hen, K, Dalton's Mom (ohh- Dalton's mom- what kind of beer?? I'm dying to drink know!) and any one else I've forgotten on my road to drinkdom. I'm still open for any and all suggestions and voting will be open until the 30th of June.

There is a REAL prize involved here- and it's purdy spiffy if I do say so myself!

To note: Last week Jef and I tried the cranberry margarita (thanks Mother Hen!!!). Tonite sounds like a Lazy P Gimlet kind of nite.

--The Milk Maid says CHEERS!

Window Pain

Once upon a time, in a far away land, lived the Milk Maid and her exceedingly brilliant husband, the Milk Man.

These two characters cavorted in many a scheme, but perhaps none so great as to install a window in the sacred kitchen. You see, long before the Milk Man came to live in the Casa Del Leche, the industrious Milk Maid built (with her own glove-clothen hands) the soon to become Casa De Leche for all to see. However, the kitchen sink view was lacking in the fact that there was no window to view the glory beyond it's pane (on a side note, the garage is all there would be to view, but nonetheless the Milk Maid proclaimed that if she were to stand for wretched hours on end scrubbing and scraping and cleaning the dishes like some simple peasant girl well she absolutely MUST have a glimpse of something other than sheet rock).

The Milk Man obliged the fair Milk Maid, measuring and cutting the wall that was to become a portal to the world.

The Milk Maid was slightly worried, but she had complete faith and trust in her man. Well, pretty much.

The preliminary cuts were made, and the Milk Man handed his lovely bride her tool kit. She chose the hammer without further adieu.

Ravishing the wall blow by blow, like a scene from a Victorian Romance Novel gone amok, the Milk Maid tore away at the wall.

A gasp from the Milk Maid... Was it the evil sorcerer behind the wall? A dragon? The curse of a long dead king?

No... it was far worse!

It was 2 electrical cables, one telephone wire, and a 4 inch water pipe that gripped our sweaty adventurers that day.

The Milk Man turned to the Milk Maid, with love in his eyes and proclaimed, "Woman, I think our journey should end here".

The Milk Maid, with sorrow in her eyes asked, "Why can we make an S-bend in the pipe and reroute the wires? I mean, come on dude- let's rock and roll. Mama wants to see some sunshine every once and a while!".

The Milk Man touted, "Fair Maid of the Milk, have you lost your mind? Do you know the hours evolved in something of that magnitude?"

The Milk Maid looked almost doleful, then recanted, "Hey jackleg- all I want is a little sunshine in MY day, I don't know about YOU, but..."

"How about a nice tile back splash here? It's easy to patch sheet rock, and we can put a beautiful mosaic- perhaps of the beach- right about here..."

"Ooooh!" gleamed the Milk Maid. "And maybe even a little metal back splash over here, and some blue paint here, and a new floor here, and even a couple of new handles for the cabinets which need a good scrubbing by the by, and maybe even a couple..."

--The Milk Man says "Yes, my lady"!

Saturday Dookerific Ramblings

Some days it amazes me how great I feel, but most days are like today. Nothing to work towards. No direction. No momentum. No give a shit.

I don't like being bitter. I don't like the cynicism. I don't like who I am or how I feel about it all.

But nonetheless I'm pretty much stuck with me.

I've tried not to keep it all so bottled up or hold it in or fuel the fire of a grudge, but I can't let any of it go as of late.

I love Jef being home, but some days I wonder if he still sees the girl he married.

I enjoy the freedom to gain an education, but I wonder if all my hard work, sleepless nights, and effort will amount to any kind of decent pay check or feeling of self worth.

I love my friends, but I wonder how easy it is for them to "take their ball and go home" in my life- so to speak.

I love the fact that I have decent people reading skills, but I dread the paranoia that brings my way when I'm feeling low.

I love my blog, but I wonder some days if anyone out there loves what I do here.

Don't worry, loyal readers (if there are any). You can't shut me up. I'll be here babbling on and on until someone pulls the plug.

--The Milk Maid listens to the sound of silence.

anyone for Mac memory ?

FRYday Mish-Mash

Summer is in full swing here in the ATL! Kids are in the pool or splashing through sprinklers, gardens are growing, and parents who forgot their daily dash of d.o. are freaking out their kids with well timed headlocks. That's the rumor at least.

Jef and I are still enjoying the marital blissathon that is his temporary unemployment! However, an old pal of Jef's owns a motorcycle shop nearby and is down a few men. One well timed phone call later, Jef has an interview and a solid chance at getting the position. Everyone cross your fingers and hold your breath. Well, just hold it for like 10 seconds or so-- I may be CPR certified, but chances are I'm not that close in location to you. And I like you. So don't pass out and die on me, mmm k?

--The Milk Maid says blow my mind, not my cover!

leptovox

Hair I Am!

Today was the first day in- ohh - months (like before MAMU way back in March) that I'd gotten my hair colored and cut. I feel fabulous with my touched up tresses, which are now long enough to fall a good 3 or 4 inches below my shoulders.

I completed my intro to venipuncture course yesterday. I also received my CPR certification for adults, children, and infants plus the bonus AED cert (one of those defib in a bag deals).

I have two weeks off before clinicals begin! What will I do with all that spare time I wonder?

Faith is in a Creepy Climby Super Slimy Camp this week at the local nature center. She gets to play with snakes and bugs, play in the creek and slide down waterfalls.

I ordered a ton of scrubs at an online shop called Scrubs Gallery. Here's a little linky to them if anyone is interested in updating their collection of nursing uniforms at a reasonable price!

--The Milk Maid says sail for the sale!

Plunking Along **UPDATED**

I made it out of A&P alive- with a C average. I could really care less at this point because 1) everyone bombed on the last test (class average was a 51, I made a 61) and 2) I'm done I'm done I never have to do it again (I hope) I'm DONE!

**UPDATE**
Considering we did not have a "final exam" per say in A&P the teacher readjusted our weekly test grades to reflect that fact... and I ended up with an 83 average in A&P!!!! Can you say "hell fuckin' yeah?!" (:::the milk maid grabs her chest, does a Mick Jaggeresque strut around the dining room table while she screams HoooHaaaa Bite My Snausage!:::)

My clinical site is confirmed for Super Large Clinic Site. I start that adventure on July 7th.

We had a nice Father's Day- I cooked Jef and dad a super huge standing rib roast with mashed potatoes and corn on the cob. We ate until we collapsed and had to be wheel-barrowed across the yard and dumped onto the couch. Jef's real Father's day gift is supposed to show up today... I'm sure he'll showcase his gift from Ava and Faith in a future episode of MIC (that's Milk-Induced Coma, FYI).

Anyone read any good diet pill reviews as of late?

I would like- no I would LOVE- to start doing a little "beverage du jour" post once a week or so. Gather up your suggestions (and I know you have them!) for wine, mixed drinks, beer or ale, shooters, or any other adult beverage -- or even adult beverage substitute!!-- for yours truly to try and review. I am holding a nice little gift (a REAL gift for a real giveaway) for the Best Drink of the Month Contest. You have until the end of this month to submit ideas, every one's name will go into a hat, and the winner will get the PrIzE! Fo reals yo!

--The Milk Maid says many will enter, few will win- No purchase necessary!!

Just Another Friday Mish-Mash

Jef was supposed to go back to work yesterday, but the boss-dude called and said to wait until Friday (they were trying to work stuff out). Well, they didn't want him to come in today either. So I don't know if he really has a job or what the hell is going on.

Dad snapped my head off this morning because I'm apparently "very snappy" these days. Maybe I am very snappy, but I don't need that pointed out in every single conversation we have. And just FYI dad- when you start the conversation off by saying how snappy I am, well I'm going to really be a bitch then.

I have my last 2 A&P tests by Sunday and if I can make it out of that class with a B average I'll be just thrilled. Just freakin' thrilled. I'm seriously doubting at this point I will make it out with the B I currently have, seeing as how the class average is below failing (well below) on both tests. I'm half tempted to just open the tests, take them and just be over it. But noo- I have some sense of moral obligation to do well and apply myself. Sometimes I really hate that about me.

--The Milk Maid is just a poor little pork chop living in a steak's world.

medigap

Playing Ketchup

Blogging you all up to speed:

1. Jef got the job. He starts tomorrow.
2. My last A&P class is TODAY. Thank you lord!! I will take my two remaining tests online (due no later than Sunday) and that is all she wrote.
3. On the 18th I take my final in my intro to venipuncture class. I have a 6 hour CPR certification class the teacher is teaching before hand. She kinda "forgot" we needed that, so now we cram.
4. My clinical site that was the hospital might be changed. We had to draw names and although I am guaranteed a spot in the first round (July 7- Aug 8) I may not be at the hospital, but rather the super-huge clinic right across the street. At this point, I could care less. I'm just happy to be finished with A&P (:::the milk maid runs in circles and squeals with delight:::)

--The Milk Maid says buy diet pills online and save yourself the hassle of having to get out of your car and walk to the store.

Tammy Tagged Me!

(A long time ago!-- Sorry for being slack!!)

The rules: Each player answers the questions about themselves. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.

1) What was I doing ten years ago?
10 years ago today I had my gall bladder removed.

2) What are five (non-work) things on my to-do list for today:
- A&P Class
- Chiropractor
- Lunch with Cindy-Loo-Hoo
- Intro to Venipuncture class
- A&P workbook (barf)

3) Snacks I enjoy:
Um, hello- ANY food will do. Especially chocolate food, pizza, Doritos!

4) Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
Buy my own island, have a staff of cabana boys, and try my best to turn into Karen Walker from the TV show Will & Grace. Oh, and save the world and stuff too.

5) Places I have lived:
GA- mom and dad's house, front yard, backyard, about 10 miles away (for 3 months). Oh I'm such an exciting person!

6) Jobs I have had:
Dog groomer, real estate assistant, administrative assistant, Chief Pain In The Ass (current position)

7) Peeps I want to know more about:
My Pal B, Aunt Becky, Dory, and Baby Bound (and anyone else who has tagged me) :D

--The Milk Maid says here be some maternity clothes!

Spread Thin Like That Last Dab Of Mayo In Your Jar

Repeat after me:

ONE MORE WEEK OF STUPID FREAKIN' SCHOOL!

And can we all hear the echo as I should those glorious words from the roof tops? Oh yeah, I think we can!

A&P, you can suck my nonexistent weener. I loathe you and your workbook from hell. How I flinch every single time the teacher mispronounces a word (and not even words like hydrophilic or plasmapheresis- a word like murmur or value or respiration... or wasn't). How I dread Dumb Kate hanging all over me like kudzu clings to pine trees. Ohhh the list could go on, you know.

On an up note, I got my assignment for clinicals- and it's the exact place I wanted to be at- the majorly major totally tubular fun-filled jolly hospital place (she said trying to keep the excitement flowing about all of this).

On the Big J front: A former boss and close pal of Big J's called the other night looking "desperately" for Jef. He continued by saying, "I must have you work for me. I must! I cannot fathom the depths I would sink to if you were to not lay all other business aside and RUN to me and work here! And you look dashing in that new polo your wife bought for you- stunning!"

(Editors note: The above referenced side of conversation may or may not have taken place verbatim as the author of this blog could only hear what Jef was saying, but in the author's mind that's how it all went down.)

So- Jef had the "interview" today which probably consisted of drinking beer and eating hot wings and looking at the breasts of young women who are forced to wear panty hose due to the shortness of their shorts. And- of course- Jef was offered the job, which he plans on taking as soon as the paper work stating salary and blahblahblah is in hand. Looks like we wont have to live in any cheap hotels in the foreseeable future.

So- It looks like things are getting back to *cough*hack*gag*hatethisword* NORMAL around these parts.

--The Milk Maid says normal is for sissies. Or maybe brudders. Perhaps an aunt or uncle.

Hot-Hot-Hot Friday Mish-Mash

As we age, strange things happen to our bodies. As we have children, the oddities grow by leaps and bounds. Strange hairs suddenly appear on areas that were formerly bare, acne improves or worsens- depending on your skin type, and the occasional hot flash may begin to creep up on you like a four year old with a garden hose leaving you soaked from your head to the creases behind your knees.

I've been privy to all of the above (and more, trust me- so much more), but the worst part of it all has to be the hot flashes. Take one part post-pregnancy hormones, add in a heaping cup of breastfeeding for 19 months (oh sure you stop bf-ing thinking you'll be free of all that jazz but NOooOooo), shake that around with an 86 degree day with 99% humidity and what do ya get?

A little something like this:

"Turn off the A/C!! It's a little cold in here woman!"

--The Milk Maid says what's YOUR caption for Ava?

maybe she can warm up on this exercise equipment! we can hook Ava up to a tread mill and power the whole house... like a hampster in a wheel, round and round she'll go. neighbors will come from miles around to see her, bring her an energy bar, and beg to lease her out for themselves. "PLEEEZE they will beg- let me borrow that kiddo for my house. i need four jobs just to pay the electric bill. pooey and poo poo poo!"