My boobs were my tools of the trade for almost 20 months.

Once my youngest daughter weaned herself from the Magical Boob Juice, the fun really began!

(And by fun we all know I mean chaos!)

Pull up a chair, sit a while, read a few pages.

Keep and open mind and a joyful heart and you too can get pumped into the world of The Milk Maid.


Family For Sale... Cheep!

My family is a joke.

No, I am not speaking of "Knock knock" here.

My family is CRAZY! And that's not the "Oh my family is CrAzY! Haha!". This is more like, "We the jury find the defendants...".

You get the picture. And I just had to spend 3 hours of my life with these wackos. Where shall we start...

My aunt Sue (who is the most normal person in the family besides us) was her happy fluttering self. Her hobbies include feeding anyone who will eat, attending funerals, and going "Whooo-Hooo" as she walkes into my house unannounced. Her hubby, Gene, was also as normal as he could be.

We were having a grand time when... DUNDUNDUNNNNNN... my parents arived. Dad woke Ava up, and mom isn't speaking to me today (I've yet to be informed why). Then the cousins started flowing in with their respective broods. My aunt, who is the grandmother to the aforementioned brood of four hugged the children and they commenced to jumping on the coffee table, beaning the others in the heads with balls, wrestling, and screaming.

Then real trouble arrives... Taylor. The mention of her name conjures images of a child who is too sick to do anything for or with others, but is well enough to have her own birthday party outside. In November. In the rain. In near freezing weather.

I love children. You all must know I do! But Taylor is not a child. She is an Evil Spawn. Her parents aren't normal either- they arent even normal-adjacent. Paul requested my aunt bring him his own potato salad without onions and for the potatoes to be cut to a particular size. Jane didnt speak to me either. She is still mad that I went inside at Taylor's birthday party to breastfeed Ava. If it hadn't been 34 degrees and Ava wasn't a month and a half old at the time, I might have reconsidered. Good grief!

The mother's to the cousins (remember the 4 kamikazi children?) are Shanni and Allison. They are the kind of mothers who send 9 month old babies to hunting camps with the husbands so they can so shopping the day after T-Day. They dont have "babies"... they have urban pets. People like this piss me off to the inth degree. I wonder why (Pick up your feet, the sarcasm is seeping)!

This brings us to my one younger cousins I really like- Ashley. She's 19, hovers around 5'11, and has looks and personality to die for! She even brought a nice young man to show off! He was fuzzy bearded, wore baggy jeans (not too baggy, he had a cute tush -- I heard), and was very polite. Props to Ash! If only her sister was like her....

Amanda. We used to be inseperable, then she started dating a scum-bag loser who enjoyed using her as a punching bag. She'd come to me for help, then run back to him. Of course, when she wasnt paying for his booze, his car, and his other girl (and boy) friends, she was catting the town up and down. Jef came home from work one day... seems his new driver had gossiped about the hot tail he'd scored the night previous. Names where dropped, and lo and behold it was Slut-manda. Sigh-- I sure hope the Ajax washed those crotch critters away.

We left early, needless to say. Some where between Amanda holding Ava, Jef wanting to punch Amanda, and sick Taylor touching my precious baby I lost it. I jumped over The Kamikazi Children, who were smothering the youngest in a blanket. I saved him, but he managed to wriggle away and go back to the blanket of doom. Maybe he thought it was safer there. Heck, I thought it was safer there.

Here in our humble abode, we cracked open a little bottle of Champagne. The best Thanksgiving I could hope for was here all along. We get to sit in shorts with the people we love the most, belch if we need to, and enjoy the day. Heck, I even took off my bra until my boobs woke up and I won my own personal wet t-shirt contest!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving! Remember not to get too wrapped up in the details, because that's not what is important. That person you snuggle with at nite, that cat who sees you as the best mom in the world because you let it drink from the tub faucet, the baby who is still in your womb or is freshly born, or that baby-to-be that is still floating around the the ethers of the universe waiting to find his or her mommy... all of THAT is what is important in life.

Last year, I didnt know if we'd ever have a baby... and now, she's taking a nap with her "Dahh". Life doesn't get any better!

Happy Turkey Day!


Anonymous said...

AHHHH! We have family just like that. Which is why we live 2 states away and don't send invitations. I'm curious as to why your mom decided not to speak to you, but hey some days that is a bonus!

singletracey said...

Family.. gotta love em!!