My boobs were my tools of the trade for almost 20 months.

Once my youngest daughter weaned herself from the Magical Boob Juice, the fun really began!

(And by fun we all know I mean chaos!)

Pull up a chair, sit a while, read a few pages.

Keep and open mind and a joyful heart and you too can get pumped into the world of The Milk Maid.


Ninja Phlebotomist Girl Has Wicked Fast Reflexes

This week during my clinical adventures I have moved to the pediatric side of the lab. The phleb that closes down at night will always have to wrap up on the pedi side, so the experience is a must. However, in my book- a book that includes cooties, vomit, urine, and pain in the ass spoiled brats- the experience is bringing in mixed reviews.

I love the kids that come in that are ready and willing to go. I love the kids that are scared of what will happen to them and I take the time to explain what I am doing and why it's being done. I even love the babies that have puked up milk on me (cause God bless them they are so freakin cute, even with sour-milk breath). I even love the kids who squeal and wiggle- they bleed faster and get out sooner.

What I don't like is a 13 year old girl who tries to bite me (yes I said BITE me) while I'm doing a strep throat swab. What I dislike equally as much is the 11 year old who took a fucking swing at me while doing yet another throat culture (I'm beginning to see a pattern here).

I handled biting girl by pinching her nose (ever so gently of course) and forcing her to either open up and let me swab or pass out. Either way works, right?

I handled the knock out kid like this: She swung at my head with her left hand, I used my left to grab her wrist (as her unconcerned mother looked on) and use my fast reflexes to swab just as vigorously as I could with my right hand. I then proceeded to give her a glare that could have melted polar ice. One of those "You picked the wrong bitch today" looks. My Nike Shox are now officially my new bitch shoes.

Starting Monday I will float between offices- the main lab, a satellite location that is 10 minutes from home, and possibly yet another location later on that is south of here but still very close. My application has officially been pulled for review by Head Lab Lady. SB, who is 2nd in command, but my direct supervisor, assures me I have job. Not that I was too worried.

--The Milk Maid says why buy the cow when you get the Milk Maid for free?

Tone up with this fantastic weight equipment... You know you wanna!


Enjoy The Ride

Disclaimer: This post may include the following phrases...

  • Bear with me here
  • No, I am not entirely sure where I am going with this either
  • Stop me if I ramble
  • My train of thought has derailed yet again

(and my personal favorite)

  • There once was a man from Nantucket

With Big J working some odd freakin hours it's given me some time to contemplate lots of stuff. The important things like Oh hey if you kick the tar out of the couch that toe nail will completely fall off! and Why does the dog enjoy eating saw dust?!

I miss my fella when he's gone, but I have actually had some nice insights to myself as of late. One of which is just how high my energy level is. And how the whole concept of "when I'm busy I'm happy" (aka idle hands do the Devil's work) really applies to me.

Another insight I've had is how co-dependent I am with Big J. The longest time apart I've had from my babe since we started dating is the 3 1/2 days I was in Houston recently. It was healthy time away (ok, maybe the combo and amount of wine, Greek food, and jelly beans I had wasn't healthy, but me being ME away from Big J was beneficial). But as soon as I got back to the airport... well, let's just saw those "drop your luggage and run into your lover's arms to the cheers of the crowd" commercials got nuttin on me and him. I know now that I can make it on my own for more than 5 minutes. I'm a big kid now, yo!

A lot of these insecurities from the past are what caused me to change my name from That Other Name to Aradia (which is technically what it used to be before it was changed... I need to publish a Cliff's Notes for all this, right?). Jef knew me as That Other Name long before I got the wild hair to change it. Jef still calls me by That Other Name as often as not. In all my school and work stuff I tend to go by that name since Aradia is so unusual, has such an interesting meaning, and leads to a lot of uncomfortable conversation (the conversation itself is uncomfortable- I'm still anti-social by any title). Many of my virtual friends out there (that'd be some of y'all) even know That Other Name.

I really think that the whole Aradia name has been a sort of Talisman for me. It's who I want to be. Aradia is confident and cool, even slightly cocky and headstrong at times. Aradia will jump into a gang and become a pirate ninja mobster and help to kick people's asses. That Other Name is shy little girl who wouldn't (couldn't) muster the voice to order in a restaurant for herself until she was 17 years old. If then. That Other Name was a badge of weakness and shame. That Other Name endured hardships and tragedy that no child should have to face, and that even the Mighty Aradia still isn't ready to blog about.

In my recent past, by whatever moniker I've chosen to divulge, I have managed to come out ahead. Be it in school, in work, or just in daily life, I have managed to merge the best of That Other Name with the best of Aradia. I've felt a wholeness that doesn't need a designation to exist.

A rose by any other name I suppose?

Am I going to narrow my appellation down to just one in the near future? No... As far as I've come it's still nice to have my talisman. It's still nice to be able to completely be myself here, and That Other Name is never likely to let me off the chain to reach far enough to be comfortable.

I suppose part of the progress I've made (or the Lexapr0 has made) in me is to come to an agreement with myself about all of this. Truthfully, it's all trivial to most people out there. To me it feels like a big step forward.

--The Milk Maid says sweet are the uses of adversity!



This N Thats N Such

Hello All!

Yet another lovely day in phlebotomy-land! I'm really tired, I'm really hungry, and I really don't wanna cook, so perhaps delivery is on the menu tonite.

Big J is clucking along happily at his new job (did I mention he has a job? He's been there 2 weeks and loves it- there, I mentioned it!). He hurt his foot the other day and has been limping around on a swollen, blueish tootsie for a couple of days. He was off of work today, so he iced his foot on and off most of the day. Perhaps I wont have to amputate it-- maybe he will go to the DOCTOR (ahem, if you are reading this, you big goober!).

Anywhos- perhaps one day I will write something witty and not about blood. Of course, maybe one day I will have enough brain cells left to write more than 12 complete sentences in a blog too. Everyone hold your breath and see what color blue you turn before that happens, ok?

Oh- and I promise a Milk Maid Behaving Badly in Houston post soon. Kinda soon. Soonish...

--The Milk Maid says two-step your way to your powdered sugar stash!


Hi, My Name Is Milk Maid And I Suck

I have been SO F-IN BUSY at clinicals that when I come home I promptly collapse into a heap in the garage. I cannot even fathom walking into the living room and laying on something besides cold hard concrete. I am up to 227 sticks in less than 2 weeks (I need 306 to ace the clinicals class) and I am a super duper pooper doopered gal.

Can I reiterate the point that i'm not getting paid to do, so maybe it isn't really a job, but nonetheless bear with me and all that jazz! Seriously, I have never been so happy to get up and go do something for zero moolah in my whole existence. I haz a lurve, oh yes I do.

I put in an application to my clinical site for employment, and my "girl" J who is over me, but under the direct supervisor, told me that if it was up to her she would have hired me on day 3 of my training. Even the big boss (S) bragged to my phlebotomy teacher about how wonderful I was. My head is totally like this --> [--------------------------------] big. And then they all found out I can mutilate speak the Spanish language- and they were jumping for joy! Asi is la vida, no?

--The Milk Maid says me gusta tu carne!


Drink Du Jour Winner

Out of all the wonderful, tasty, cool and frost beverages that were submitted there was one that stood out from the crowd! Not only was this drink tasty, it was something I already had most of the ingredients for and was made easily and quickly! Of course, good things come to those who wait and a great deal of shopping and mixing for an optimum beverage is not that much of a stretch when it comes down to it. The real factor in deciding who #1 was going to be was the taste (like duh!- right?).

So, without further adieu the Drink Du Jour winner for June was.....

Deena at The Lazy P and her kickin' Gimlet!

Very clean, very crisp, very easy to make and imbibe- the gimlet is a fashionable drink that you don't have to put on your three piece suit to have a sip! Perfect for summertime, party time, and anytime (!) it quickly became my favorite new fire water.

And, if you drink just enough of these tasty lil drinks, you can do the following just like me and my pal D...


Deena, your loverly prize from Milk-Induced Coma Land will arrive on your door step within the next 10-12 days. Once you get it I'll post a pic for all to see!

--The Milk Maid says please sign this release to indemnify your rights.


They Call Me Pokey McSticker

People. Arms. Median cubital veins. Blood. Gauze. Paperwork. Computers. Big honkin' needles.

Can I just say, "I freakin LOVE my work!!!". Really, really, really!!!

The lab girls are so friendly (and share my warped sense of humor), the boss comes in late and leaves early, and most people have superb veins. And those people who seem to have forgotten to bring their veins IN for their lab work? Oh, I root and toot and hunt around like an old pro. If I still don't find a vein, I just yell ("heeeelp" squeals the Milk Maid).

Life is good... I am tired...

--The Milk Maid says half the sticks at one third of the pain!


Firework Friday Mish-Mash

Happy 4th my peeps!

I'm in happy Houston for the long weekend... B&K have pretty much taken me hostage and are feeding me copious amounts of food, forcing me to imbibe far too much alcohol, making me sing and dance to Salt & Peppa songs, watch dirty comedy movies, and have a TERRIFIC time!

Today we head out for some adventure (to some undisclosed location).

Hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday!

--The Milk Maid says whatchu wanna do, I wanna shoop!


I'll Take Peter, Paul, And Mary Songs For $500 Alex!

I'm leaving on a jet plane! No, really!!

A couple of weeks ago- after shutting down their blogs without TELLING me first, giving me a heart attack, making me has a sad, and then bribing me to stop whining- my pals B&K hatched a glorious scheme.

"Come to Houston, Milk Maid!" they echoed in happy harmony.

So, me being the clingy, needy wife that I am- who would never, ever leave her hubby for a long weekend trip to a city far, far away- promptly fooled all the doubters (B included) and booked a ticket to H-ton. Yes, really. Really, really.

So, for the past week or more, every single day (occasionally multiple times) my phone will ring or my email will bleep with the same question: Are you still coming?

Of course the answer is and always has been: Are you still sure you want me?

--The Milk Maid says kiss me and smile for me!

(Does colon cleanser work on commas?)