My boobs were my tools of the trade for almost 20 months.

Once my youngest daughter weaned herself from the Magical Boob Juice, the fun really began!

(And by fun we all know I mean chaos!)

Pull up a chair, sit a while, read a few pages.

Keep and open mind and a joyful heart and you too can get pumped into the world of The Milk Maid.


When Does School Start?

The Captor's Log- Day #2 of Confinement:

The captives are becoming increasingly restless. The Big One is the most demanding of the two, (as the Small One can easily pacified with food or a stuffed animal). The Big One wants "activities"... always, always screaming for activities. What could she possibly mean? I have taken her swimming, to the park, to the bank, to the drugstore, and to Wal-Mart 3 times. What more could she be wanting? I even let her stay up as late as she wanted to watch junk-tv!

And the talking... Big One is never quiet. I asked her yesterday, "Have you ever had a thought you didn't let go?". That was answered with a blank stare and comments on Pokemon and how they should be revered as supreme beings.

Almost all the food stores are gone. The Big One has the appetite of a COW. Tomato soup, grilled chicken, leftover Chinese food- all gone. And that was just lunch!

The Small One has also eaten everything within reach. She prefers fuzz from the rug, paper, and cat hair. Experience tells me that milk and rice and fruits and veggies are much better for her. I think the fuzz makes her poop a lot more too. Darn that insoluble fiber!

The captives are here, watching me. I almost feel like perhaps I am the captive... They are slowing taking over control, and I am giving in to their every command.

Maybe I should start digging an escape tunnel!


Naked Me and Other Musings

God no, there's no photo of me in the buff here people. It's safe to read on...

I was just thinking (as I hopped out of the shower and ran past the mirrors to throw clothes on) how comfortable I used to be when I had the preggo-bod. I would look in amusement and awe for hours (seemed like hours) at my perky chest, my little belly bump- and later my burgeoning belly bump, my back was slim, my hips were nice. I even liked my thighs! My ass rocked too. Ok- at the right angle with correct lighting my butt still is kickin.

Now I throw on a towel and cover my eyes and scream as I duck and roll into the bedroom hunting clothing before any reflective surface shows my flappy, floppy, saggy, thoroughly abused post-baby body. Ho-hum.

Even with the diet (grrrrrr) I am not seeing any slimming taking place. I know it's been less that a week. I know! But I really thought something would have changed by now. I've only had grilled chicken, lettuce, tofu, and water for goodness sake. Ok, with the exception of Chinese food on the day Faith got out of school- but it make me sick at my stomach, so how can that count? I just really expected to see something look different by now. I must be a little more patient. The lack of food is making me grouchy. Jef said so. Yes, he's still alive. I was too weak from hunger to beat him with anything more than the sack of romaine hearts I was carrying.

Jef's blood pressure is down from 240/190 a little over a month ago to 129/77 yesterday. That makes it all worth it. That's the goal- to keep him around as long as possible in as good a shape as possible. I need him... and so I suffer through.

He keeps griping at me (who's grouchy?!) that I don't have to eat what he eats. I keep reminding him of the time I was having my gaul bladder out and couldn't eat anything before surgery and my ex was eating french fries on front of me (that bastard). I am physically incapable of doing that to someone. I am not that cruel! (I will eat junk when he isn't looking, like any other normal person would do!).

I am taking BBQ ribs to my aunt and uncle today. You know, just to get the bad food out of the house and all. And maybe I will have a bite. I'll never tell.



How does Aunt Flo know it's the weekend? I mean come on, if I cant eat anything decent at least let me take out my sexual frustrations.

(Very pouty) I can't have nuttin!


So that's why they call them "kids"!!

Ava is part goat.

It all makes sense now- the paper eating, the funny noises, the way she puts her head down to butt me out of the way as she crawls right into where she doesn't need to be. I'm waiting for the day she gets her head stuck in a fence and begins to harass the llama.

And speaking of Ava... her mantra has become dadadadada. "All day, all night, all dada, all the time!". I told Jef and my dad that she'd better learn to say mama, or someone else would need to learn to breastfeed soon. Maybe I'll just start being dada. Humm- A plan!

Ava has mastered crawling, is a pro at pulling up, and is starting to take little crab-like steps along the length of the couch. I keep saying thank heavens she's a girl- if she was a boy he'd be in military school by now. Actually, I keep thinking if we ever are blessed with a boy joining the House of Women, he will have to be the sweetest, most gentle baby to roam the earth (since both of the girls are wild women!).

We have no plans for this weekend... Jef has to work Monday, so no cookouts. And with that whole lower sodium diet thing he must now abide by, he'd only be allowed boiled chicken anyway. Honesty, I've decided not to be so bitter about MY new diet (one bad apple, the rest suffer thru with it kind of thing). I went and found a butter sprinkle with nothing bad in it, a salt substitute called No Salt (it looks like salt, tastes like salt, but has no sodium-- wth?), and a Nissan Armada full of fresh produce and good stuff for everyone. Now, lets just say I can stand to lose weight. I still weigh less than I did when I got pregnant with Ava, but I weigh more than I did at 20 weeks preggo with her. In case you missed that episode of my life and times I lost weight (about 25 lbs) and then still finished my pregnancy at LESS than I weighed before I got pregnant. I wasn't sick at all, I just ate well and shopped a lot. Of course I put it all back on once I was a bf-ing mom. Siiigh- If I can lose 20 pounds like I plan I will let you all play "guess her weight". I'm deceptively heavy... at least that's what my karate instructor said one time.

--Milk Maid is higher in protein today that she was last night.


My Brand of Evil Has Less Sodium

Briefly, because it makes my freakin' skin crawl to think about, I will relate yesterday's events to you regarding Jef's doctor visit:

Doctor E's office screws up blood test results- or do they? Jef has to go back to get more blood drawn, they find raised levels of something he can't remember in his workup and "Immediately" make him go for a kidney scan which is really 2 hours later than they told him it was. He didn't get the scan, but instead the new doctor, Dr. N, takes him OFF all the meds Dr. E put on (decongestant, bp meds) and gives him an Rx for new bp pills. They think the other meds are making his kidney's "work bad". He goes for the real scan today (or does he).

So the doctor he went to in the first place- Dr. E- made him sick. The doctor made him sick. Thefreakin'doctormadehimsick- grrr!

This truly echoes my belief of going back to living in a mud hut, eating wild game, and shooting doctors for sport.

Enough of that--

I am going to Faith's awards ceremony/presentation this afternoon at school. I would liked to have gone ALONE, but that was not in the stars for me. My parents, Ava, and Paige are going to be joining me. It's bad enough I have to be social with the students and the teacher and other parents. I feel a "gonna loose it with somebody today" episode coming on hot and heavy.

I've been kind of at the end of my patience rope for a few days now. Lots of stress floating, being sick (I've decided to be well, as I do not have time for being sick), and people constantly saying the wrong thing at the wrong time to me (none of y'all, rest assured).

We've been rolling The Additional Baby Thing around again. We added the clause of "when Jef's health gets cleared up" and have lessened the definition of the "when finances are back in order" stipulation. I added the "only after certain people have conceived and are in the preggo safe zone" addendum (Tracey, Meg, Rajen, etc). I have to be unpreggo enough to fly to California for a baby shower too- I guess that's the "Sassy T will kick my behind if I don't make it" rule.

I have (to this point at least) resisted the urge to break everything down into a pie chart and make a nice little excel spreadsheet and deduce the "perfect" conception time. But if I did that (still fighting temptation) I would have the variable of the Chinese Gender Prediction Calender in there too. We must at least try to welcome a little boy into the house of women, ya know.

Wow- I guess I am a nerd!

--The Milk Maid suddenly wants pie


Cough, Cough, Coffee

Jef is such a wonderful and sharing soul... he even shares his colds with me! Oh joy- like I freakin have time to be sick here people.

I am coughing like a tuberculous ridden cat with a hairball. I have no energy either, but other than that!... I'm fabulous darling.

A plus side of being sick is that I now have that raspy phone sex operator voice going for me. If only I had a 1(900) number...

"Hiiii and welcome to 1(900)talk-nasty. I am taking of all my clothes and I'm going to ((COUGH)).... I'm going to.... ((HACK))... I'm going to lie down and dream of you until I feel better.

---Milk Maid says what's a nap?


Who Knew?

I am nerdier than 81% of all people. Are you a nerd? Click here to find out!

You know how it is... you link from a blog to a blog of a friend, and suddenly you are informed you are a total nerd! Jef took the test. Jef was a 2!

So just because I know what the C in E=MC2 stands for, I can recognise Issac Newton, I know my periodic table of elements, I prefer a scientific calculator, and I'm very observant at odd features on people (take the test, you will see- or will you?!) then I am a nerd?

Well, if the shoe fits I guess!

In other news... Jef is working today, so once again I'm home alone all day, bored out of my mind. Well, by alone I mean with Ava and the cat. By bored I mean doing 10 million mommy things. I might go to our new Wal-Mart to break the monotony. It's so big, they are handing maps out at the door of the place. Sweet!

And now a conversational excerpt from poolside on Thursday:

Faith: Mama, there is a dead beetle in the hot tub.
Me: Is it John or George?
Faith: (blank stare)

Faith and I also made up a great new song the other day after going to get produce in the rain. It should be sung with undertones of the Moany Blues (her part is in parenthesis). We call it "Wet Dog":

Wet dog! (Wooowooo) Get outta tha road! (whoohooo) Wet dog (whooowooo) Go Home (whoohoo) Wet dog get outta tha road and go home (whooohooooooooo, yeaaah!)

There was also Wet Bird and Wet Dead Skunk lyrics, but you can imagine how that went. The only part that changes in Wet Dead Skunk is that he can't go home, because he's dead. Faith brought that to my attention immediately. Smart cookie there!

That Damn Cat

Doesn't the title just say it all? I could leave the whole blog just a title and everyone who has ever been NEAR a cat would be nodding silently going, "Oh yeah, I know".

That damn cat (Chip) decided to run outside last nite. Chip is declawed and neutered, so he truly has no business anywhere except inside, on the couch asleep. But the little jackleg saw a BIRD, and whooosh! Gone.

Now this is not the first time he's done this. If he sees an open door he is out like jacksprat. He usually just makes it to the grass where he is like, "This is icky" and stops. One night he even hid from me until about 2am. He started singing the I Am A Stupid Cat, Let Me In song and I obliged.

However, no such music was to serenade me last nite. Nor did I find him this morning. My neighbor thought I was talking to him (why would I speak to you freak?) when I was calling "Kitty, Kitty"!

Twas not until 3:00 this afternoon that I found the little rascal quivering behind our deck chairs, looking desperate to go inside. I shooed him in, and the first thing the ding-dong does is run for the litter box. I swear I heard him say Ahhh!

Of course I begin to get mouthy with him- "You have the whole yard- THE WHOLE YARD- and you come inside and dook!? And then not cover it up?! Grrrrr!"

Man I love that cat.


Worth 1000 Words

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I'm going to throw this at you if you don't buy me a new sleeper... My big toe is cold!



A:What should I blog about?

J:What have you done exciting?

A: I bought vegetables.


So today is a bit of a slow blogging day... obviously. I guess I will do a stream of consciousness blog- meaning as I think about it I will tell you about it. I know, way too deep into the depths of my psyche.

I did buy veggies today-- at our local produce guy's place- Mr. Hulsey's Store. I got 2 bundles of green onions for 88 cents, maters, fresh corn on the cob, and a little candy for Faith. This old woman was piling her produce in a basket that was still on the rack on top of the other baskets. Meaning I was toting a heavy baby and a few bags of veggies because dipweed wouldn't be considerate and move her sh*t.

I called a speeding lady in a Mercedes on her cell phone a b*tch. In front of my kids. Faith didn't notice. I have driving-turrets.

Faith calls Mr. Hulsey Mr. Kelso. I'm still not sure why.

Faith asked me (out of the blue) what "idiosyncrasy" meant. I blanked. I need to prepare when I am to be tested on definitions of words I use very rarely.

I like these words: sublimation, nomenclature, sporadic, oblivious, and peculiar.

I was dead-set on being a journalist when I was in high school. My English teacher fully expected me to win the Pulitzer. I decided to marry an idiot instead and forfeit my FULL college scholarship to Swanky U. But I'm ok with that... I am going to be a phlebotomist one day. I have the desire to poke people and remove their blood. Legally. I said poke! Hehe! As we say around here (vagly sure as to why) "Poke it, poke it, let it rain!".

Oooh Vampire Attorney!

Jef has a problem. He farts- a lot. I only share this because the people he works with constantly inquire if I feed him nothing but cabbage and broccoli. No, I assure them. I do not. I suffer too! The said smell is reminiscent of charcoal. Burnt up charcoal. With undertones of sulphur. Wet sulphur. He just read this and recommended I add wet to the charcoal analogy part too.

I bought a comforter today at Kohls. Mine bit the wing-wong. That means it crapped out, foofed out, died. All the batting was at the foot of the bed, in a wad. All my coldness was at the top. I got it 80% off, plus an additional 15%!! Rock on.

My high school nickname was Shakespeare. Spere for short.

I enjoyed my mother's day champagne with Big J tonite. I keep my Moet and Chandon in a pretty cabinet. We will rock you, because we are the champions. Hi, I am a fat bottomed girl. I make the world go 'round.

Perhaps we will christen the new comforter. Perhaps I will threaten removal of food again.

-- Milk Maid says if I'm not here this time tomorrow... carry on, carry on!
(Bismillah! We will not let you go - let him go!)


2 Out Of 3

Faith passed her CRCT testing... I dont have her exact scores back, but she wasn't on the "fail" list. I am so relieved that she wont have to go to summer school. I'm still going to stick her in tutoring a few times a month through summer just to keep her on top of the game. I would hate to have come so far and her fall behind again.

Jef's Porsche 928 sold today... No haggle, no muss. Just "come get the check and bring the car". Our buddy Chris was a mechanic or technician (whatever they call themselves these days) in a past life (ok, past job) so he can fix it up and it be just what his wife wants. Hopefully she can see over the steering wheel.

And the one that didn't happen, but should have... Tracey didn't get the BFP she so freakin' deserves. I called and talked to her for a few, and reassured her that everything happens for a reason. I sure as hell don't know the reason, nor does she. We did come to the conclusion that when we find out said reason, I'm writing a book all about her journey and we're going to be filthy stinking rich. I got her to laugh a little... which made me feel a little better, and I hope she did too. She can't blame herself, or feel like a failure. There are way too many things in life we cant control. And if you change just one thing, rewrite just one word of it all- nothing will end up the same. Still, it's never easy... But nothing in life worth having comes easy.

One last note before I sign off... I had the most wonderful chat with Supermom on the phone today! We got to talk like big people for a long time! I cant wait to blab her up again sometime very soon.

--Milk Maid thinks she lives on the wrong coast


Post Mother's Day Blog

Mother's Day was pretty quiet this year. Jef kept asking me what I wanted, and I really had no clue. I told him grab a bottle of champagne (Moet Pleeze!) and we'd sit on the back deck after the kids had gone to sleep Saturday night, just like old times. Well, Friday Big J came down with the crud again, so he didn't feel up to anything all weekend. I felt really bad for the guy... but what's a girl to do?!

Faith made me a "surprise" cake at school (fundraiser kinda deal they do every year- I'm familiar with the drill... plus I gave her the cash for it *wink*). She also made me a bunch of cards and a "guitar" out of a shoe box, toilet tissue roll, and cotton. It was adorable!! Ava got me purple tulips with a little help from "dada". So, truly everything was perfect.

I was going to buy my mom a gift, but my father (Mr. Helper) went and bought her a mother's ring with all of our birthstones in it for me to give her. Of course, he didn't consult me, but who am I to complain? He did manage to leave my sister's birthstone off (she passed away in 1972 shortly after birth). So, today he (I mean "I"- we aren't telling mom he bought it) is going to have another stone popped in for Julie.

Ava has figured out how to pull up on furniture. I wasn't over the shock of her crawling yet, and POP there she goes up the side of the chair. Where did that tiny little baby of mine go?

And speaking of babies... Jef and I had the "additional baby" discussion. After harassing each other all day about Ava needing/wanting a sibling more her age (here, harass falls under the "I wouldn't tease you if I didn't love you" category) he finally spoke his mind. It went kind of like this:

J: (Watching VH1 One Hit Wonders, out of the blue he says...) I want us back on our feet financially before we have another.
A: (did he just say have another?... Continue smiling, don't interrupt!)
J: I mean, it'd be great to have a little boy running around. A little buddy!
A: (Who brain washed him? Where's the real Jef?)
J: Of course a girl would be perfect too. I love babies- you know that!
A: Oh yeah!
J: Aww, a little buddy. Little boys always love their mamas!
A: (Sigh...) Yeah.


Great places to catch me undressed

Thanks RaJen for the inspiration on this... I've spent a lot of time partially nude in front of people the past few years too, and it's just not weird any more!

I always TRY to be discreet as possible when I breastfeed Ava in public. I say I try, but the kiddo just doesn't like a blankie on her head. She likes to pop-up like a prairie dog and see her surroundings while she snacks. Asi es la vida, no?

Places I've "boobed" the kid:

  • In the backseat of my SUV at the mall, the grocery store, Kohls, and many local fast food joints
  • In the mall's food court... on a Saturday with a million people around (no one noticed)
  • In Red Lobster
  • At my in-law's house
  • At my parent's house
  • In the pediatrician's office (I had to women trying not to stare at me, but they were like "Wow, she's got her boob out".)

People I've "boobed" in front of (in order of weirdness):

  • My stepdaughter
  • My dad
  • The weird pediatrician from our group (lady doc, at that)
  • Jef's dad
  • Faith (more on her in a few)

And the weirdest person to breastfeed in front of:

Faith is odd to breastfeed in front of because she feels like she should be an active participant. I keep reminding her that she is nine, and that's just a little odd. I have offered to pump a little milk and give it to her in a cup. That was a busted idea that won me only a shake of her head in disgust. She will then gleefully point at my breasts and say, "From those please. I like the left one best!".

What a kid!

As far as her having a preference, I say at least someone likes the left... Jef and Ava argue over who the right one belongs to. For all intensive purposes, they are MINE- I only loan them out on occasion when the necessity to share overrides my desire to keep them to myself.

On the breast milk donation front, they are sending me a pump and 24 bottles that should arrive one day next week. I used a manual pump the other morning after Ava slept all night and got 9 oz from one side without pumping it dry. I'm looking forward to seeing how much I can turn out!

On a totally unrelated note: Does anyone know how to make your own tickers? Post me a note here if you do... Thankie!


3 of a kind DOES make a full house

"It's like some cloning experiment..."

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Me 1st, then Faith, then Ava- all around 7-8 months old.

I always wanted a little boy to see if he'd look like this too (people always asked if I was a boy, and they do it with Ava now too, haha!).


Quick- Put This Brisket In Your Bra!

Q.- The number one most shoplifted item in North America is what?

A.- Meat.

Oh!My!Goodness! Who the heck steals meat?! Wouldn't that be really cold? And where do you stash said meat? And do they mean something like hot dogs or a ham? I guess I have something to ponder for the day.

Ava decided to wake up before 6 this morning. That was after she woke up at 1:15am and decided to nurse on and off (and off and on) all night. I'm promising myself a nice cup of java as soon as I can get in there to wash the coffee pot. She acted like she'd drank about 3 cups of coffee at that wonderful hour... all perky and laughing. I'm barely sociable at 10am, so you can imagine me at the crack of dawn.

We now leave our regularly scheduled blog to make this comment: "Crack of dawn"... Sheish-Poor girl, pull your pants up and people wont talk about you.

And I'm back with your random fact of the day: There are 21 Wal-Marts within a 35 mile radius of the "biggest little city" we are near. And I can name 14 of them off hand.

Faith had her hair cut into a short bob yesterday (poor short Bob...). It's sooo cute- she looks so much older, if you don't count all the frolicking she does. She was tossing her hair around, telling everyone she was glamorous now. I have before pics... she wouldn't hold still long enough for the after this morning.

Does any one remember my blog where I griped about lack of nookie with the hubby? Well, you can forget I said that. He's met his quota for this month already, and made up for hours lost in April. I did tell him that if he didn't stay up on his "duty as a husband" at least once a week, I would stop feeding him supper. I think that helped.

I think I will fill up the new kiddie pool this morning and take Ava for a dip this afternoon. With the temps we have been having, it should be warm enough by then. And if it isn't, I go to plan B- which is the one woman bucket brigade of tub H2O.

I've decided to copy my new "idol" of sorts, Mimi Smartypants, with the way she ends her blog/diary. She does an ever-so-adorable sign-off, and it suits my needs perfectly because I never know how to end this thing!

--Milk Maid says the drive thru closes at midnight


I am NOT Angelina Jolie...

But I too can better the lives of infants in Africa!

Now that you are thoroughly confused, let me explain. You see, I've been keeping a secret from all of you for a few months now. I was afraid I would jinx myself if I said anything! So, without further adeu- I have signed up to be a breast milk donor!

Ok, that makes it sound like I just said "Hey, I want to share boob-juice with babies." and they said "Sign here please!". There was a pretty long application process. I took an interview online (link is below) and they processed that. I had to have releases of health signed my my doc as well as Ava's pediatrician. After that cleared, they sent me a kit with a DNA swab for the "donor profile" and had a lab arrange for a blood draw.

I got my "acceptance" this morning. They will be sending me a kit with a hospital grade electric breast pump, sterile containers, a shipping cooler, and a calender of ship dates.

If I lived closer to a milk bank, I could drop off my donations there (and they also allow local donations too for premature infants, cancer patients, burn victims, etc.).

Everything is NO COST- the blood work, the pump, the shipping- all free. I wish I had known about this earlier in my bf-ing days... as a free pump would have been SWEET!

If anyone is interested, here is the link:

This may sound a little cheesy, but I feel absolutely fulfilled today knowing that I am about to make a positive difference in someones life. Some little guy or girl in a far away land will grow up healthy (will grow up) because I was willing to spend a few minutes a few times a day and pump a little milk.

((happy sigh))


I AM...

Thanks for the tag Sassy T... Here's my "I am..."

  • I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, and a friend.
  • I am a poet at heart.
  • I am heavily opinionated, although I keep it to myself a lot.
  • I am an animal lover, and always have been.
  • I am 27 1/2 years older than Ava, I'm 19 years, 1 month and 3 days older than Faith.
  • I am 7 years older than my stepdaughter.
  • I am aware you are doing the math... Jef is 46.
  • I am helpful like that.
  • I am a person who uses her sense of humor- warped as it may be- to get thru life with as few emotional scars as possible, because laughter is all you have sometimes.
  • I am a breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing mama. Although...
  • I am hoping the co-sleeping will soon phase out.
  • I am ready for an adventure!
  • I am Paul Newman (sorry Jef- had to add that one!). And I am Steve McQueen. (Inside joke).
  • I am well aware my mind will take me farther than my body... unless there's a thumb wrestling competition.
  • I am going to have to chase "Crawling Ava" now.

I tag Kelley, Berrymom, and Meg!!


7 Random Facts

Thanks for the "tag" Meg... Now here are my 7 Random Facts:

1. I can take my panties off without taking my pants off. Ok- not skin-tight bluejeans or anything, but if I can get my hand about 2/3 up the pants-leg, my drawers are gone! I'm sure no one is really surprised that I have a freaky talent such as this. It's totally useless unless I am at a party and people are willing to bet good money on me!

2. I can balance a spoon on the end of my nose. So can Faith, and I'm willing to bet on Ava making a 3rd. Again, totally useless, but way cool.

3. I was the top ranked soccer goalie in the state my senior year. I had a full college scholarship to play at a very swanky women's university. I screwed this all up when I met and married my ex. Brilliant!

4. I was adopted. You gals might have known that one already, but I wasn't sure. I was 7 months old when I was adopted, and I don't have any baby photos of myself before that. Which leads us to #5....

5. I changed my name. I was named Aradia at birth, then my new parents changed my name to, like, the most popular name for the past god knows how many years- yay (roll eyes here). After I got older, I changed it back. So I have about 1/2 the people I know call me Aradia, and the other 1/2 who still know me as that other name.

6. I love guacamole. I mean- I LOVE guacamole. I can eat it with a spoon. I could face-plant right into a vat of it and eat my way out. I love pickle relish the same way!! Dang, now I'm hungry! (I have green food love!)

7. Jef's ex-wife is my ex-best friend who ran off with my ex-boyfriend that I had an affair with before I got a divorce. Told you it was Springer!

Wow- that's pretty much me in a nutshell!


Picture this...

I am sitting here just laughing my silly little fanny off. If a few years ago, someone would have told me I could go to one of my fave "fertility" websites (yeah, girls- you know the one of which I speak) and there would be photos of women's cervix displayed for all the world to see, I would have called you a liar. I mean, come on- who is brave enough to post photos of a body part that most women have not even seen?! Apparently, more people that I thought.

Now, let's get this strait... I say BRAVO to these women! I only wish I had the gonads (haha) to speculum up and grab the Minolta. How helpful would that have been to have the opinions of hundreds of women to tell me if my cervix was open or not when we were trying to conceive?! Let's face it... Jef didn't even know what a cervix was until I got the wild-hair to have another kid, let alone that it opened and closed.

I have the slight notion to run dig out my old TTC supplies and get my new camera and high powered flash just to take a few photos for nostalgia's sake (I would definitely keep those in my private stash, rest assured).


Computers for Dummies

Sounds like a familiar book, huh? Perhaps my ex should buy one and not rely on MY vast knowledge of "how to" on basic computer functions. However, I am a good hearted person (I hear you laughing... I'm giggling too) and I thought it would be nice of me (means I need all the good karma I can get) to help him out.

His question: Why does everything move when I type my words on this invoice?
My Answer: You are not deleting the "[Insert Billing Name Here]" when you type.

His question: Why does this not stay underlined when I insert something in this space?
My Answer: You used the space bar to create a line. When you type, you move the line with the new words. Do not make a line. Use the "underline" function. (Duh!).

Let's say that was the easiest $20 I've made in a long darn time.

In other news... Our pal Sassy T is getting PUPO'ed today. Yes, dearest Tracey is going for her embryo transfer (probablly done by now- yippie) and will be Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise!! I'm so happy for her-- I just know this is it!!

It is possible to walk around Wal-Mart for an hour and not buy anything except a Snickers Bar. It's worth the trip alone to see the tiny girl, approximately 2 years old, roll down the greeting card isle. Things are always funnier when it's someone else's kid!

I made Ava a custom onesie today... It has a little pig wearing a pearl necklace (get your mind out of the gutter, this is for my bebe!). I added a caption (which I am having to redo because I didn't print it in mirror image) that says: "Just Delightful". I was going to buy more t's and onesies at Wal-Mart but those things are pricey. I'm going to wait for my dad to order t's from his wholesale place and buy a few from there.

Ok, the job thing I mentioned the other day (again, buried in paragraphs of stuff)... I just don't feel good about it. It makes me sick to think about doing mortgages. I would need $1000 to start my advertising campaign, and I don't have that either. But- even if I did, I don't think I could bring myself to go for it. It just doesn't seem right. I've decided to work with dad on ad specialties until something better comes along. Sigh!

Nothing planned for us tonite. My dad is going to "Paddy's Pub" at Chateau Elan to have corned beef and a few Amstel Lights. I've hinted that I want to go (if he's paying, teeheehee) but I've not gotten my invitation yet.

(Check out Paddy's Pub and the Chateau Elan Winery at:
Jef and I got married in the hotel part, and had our reception at the winery, which is the building that looks like a castle! They show the huge double stairs that I walked down to the isle!! Ahh, memories!).

Ok- hold me to the list of following things to blog:
1- Wedding pics (from Michelle's inspiration, thanks hun!).
2- Pics of me, Faith, and Ava at around 7 months for comparison.
3- The story of how Jef and I met and married.


Let's Vaccum The Pizza

Me and household chores, I tell ya!

I made homemade pizza tonite- mozzarella cheese, feta cheese, onions, and pepperoni. Instead of red sauce on the crust I just did a little drizzle of olive oil. I had planned on putting some fresh garlic on the crust also, but Faith helped me cook ("helped") and I just forgot. Before putting the pizza under the broiler I decided to sprinkle a little garlic powder on the top for taste. I unscrewed the lid, and started to sprinkle.

Somehow the small, perforated plastic lid came off inside the screw lid, and PLOP- I dumped a ton of garlic powder on the pizza. Crap!

I scooped up what I could, and started looking around for inspiration as to how I would get the rest of the garlic powder off. My new hand-held vac would do the trick, I thought. And it worked great!

Now, if someone can just tell me how to get the onion out of the filter... Oops!