My boobs were my tools of the trade for almost 20 months.

Once my youngest daughter weaned herself from the Magical Boob Juice, the fun really began!

(And by fun we all know I mean chaos!)

Pull up a chair, sit a while, read a few pages.

Keep and open mind and a joyful heart and you too can get pumped into the world of The Milk Maid.


I Dunno No Blog Titles

Catching up on things that have been going on, but I haven't blogged about:

I have tuberculosis and herpes.

Ok, not really! Truthfully, I have a cough and cold that comes and goes and an arm rash caused by a small hormonal imbalance and stress.

I have been working my ASS off. I have no rear end left at all... can you say 6 days a week? Or perhaps 7 days a week the way this week's schedule is unfolding? I would love to refer to my work-life as "too much of a good thing".

But speaking of money...

My ex hasn't paid child support in 6 months. I am, oh yes, too nice of a person and I have let him slide. He's moved from Georgia to South Carolina to North Carolina all in the pursuit of "playing cowboy". I should call child support recovery- considering the financial state we are in. I should call the cops, considering the child support laws in GA. I should have bought that pet alligator YEARS ago and let poor Cowboy wander down to the pond and become lunch.

Shoulda, coulda, woulda...

Unfortunately, or as a plus (depending on your point of view), I am a nice person. I have a heart the size of the Continental US. I would see myself as the "bad guy" if I called the Po-Po on the Cowboy and busted him for being a lazy jackass. What would Faith think? What if I was the one to burst her bubble on just how great her father is (in her mind)? I don't want to be that person. I just want her life normal (ahem, hack, gag- hating that word) and as usual.

I can't seem to win for losing sometimes.

In other news: I have been trying to steal borrow permanently quite a few babies from the pediatrics lab as of late. A secret I have kept from almost all of you is that we tried to get all preggo about 9 months ago. My due date, if the conception had taken place, would have been December 24th. I'm feeling the yearning and longing to complete our family so much these days. I know times are as impractical as they get at the moment, but I've always been of the mind that "those who seek will find". By golly I'm seeking...

Our original plans were to try to conceive again around February or March of this coming year. Maybe the plan is still on, but most likely it will be pushed back to who knows when. Everyone sigh with me and we can all get this out of our systems in 3... 2... 1....

--The Milk Maid says she sounds all down and out, but she's not in Beverly Hills.
Magnets: Sticking like glue to a fridge near you!


Early Morning Ponder

Have you ever looked up at the ceiling while in the shower only to see what looks like a tiny spider crawling towards you from the other side of the room?

Have you ever prepared yourself, shower nozzle in hand, to blast that tiny spider from the sanctity of your lair into kingdom come with the water jet set to pulsate?

Have you ever let loose a battle cry of, "sheet rock and subfloor be damned!" as you prepared to take aim by crouching in the farthest corner of the shower?

Have you ever realized, in the middle of defending your territory and your naked body, that the said "spider" was really just a lady bug?

Have you ever had a conversation with a lady bug that was all, "Oh hello Mrs. Lady Bug- I hope thee are well today my fair maiden!".

--The Milk Maid says she, of course, would never do such a thing.

And she would never call any moving companies over arachnids!


Ho Ho Hooo Nooo!

Christmas is around the corner. Sleigh bells are ringing, carols are being sung, the tree is up, and shopping lists have been made.

Our Christmas will be a thrifty one at best this year. We've been doing the creative finance tango for a while now, and there isn't a lot of extra money to get tons of things the kids really don't need anyway. We narrowed the girl's lists down to what will be appreciated and used and I would like to share a few tips and tricks we are using this year to finance our holiday!

Tip #1:
The bank we use (who is not paying me to shill for them so I will just call them "Bank") offers a rewards program. Simply by opening an account with them and using our debit cards we accrued enough points to receive $120 worth of gift cards. So, by doing what I would have done anyway, I made quite a dent in the old budget.

Tip #2:
I have kept the money I've made by doing online auctions, etc. in my P.ay* account all year long (for the most part) and I'm using that to bid on W.ii games, clothes, toys, and the like for much cheaper than I have found in the stores.

Tip #3:
Much like I did with my Bank's rewards program, a couple of my credit cards offer "cash back" or purchase rewards. I cashed in and gift cards are on the way.

Tip #4:
I'm an online shopaholic! The other day someone recommend the site which offers promotional codes for just about any store out there. From a percent of the sale off to free shipping to the occasional free product, it's worth a few minutes to go and check it all out!

--The Milk Maid says she hopes she was a helpy-helperton!


Built To Last

Most friendships I've held throughout the years have ended nearly as suddenly as they began. Let's face it, I'm a hard sell for a lifetime commitment. Just ask my ex-phleb class buddy CindyLooHoo, or my ex-BFF from age 6 months through high school, or heck ask my ex-husband (you know, if you can find him).

Luckily, maybe once or twice in a life time, I've found a friend that I know will always be there for me. My number one position is held, of course, by my Big J.

And number two, you ask... C'mon. We all know it's my Pal B.

So, you ponder, just how does a long tall Southern gal and all her witchy ways manage to snag a wallet-toting Mid-West butch gal for her BFF?

The answer to that question is much simpler than it may appear...

We're both fucking warped as hell!

And besides that, well- you could say we've both been burned before (once bitten, twice shy- served as your daily mixed metaphor appetizer) in friendship and in love, we share the same interest in music and in art, and we have a lot of goodness in our tender little hearts- although we'd rather not show that side. We're suckers for the cause. We want to believe that a true friendship can be held intact, and that what we want in life isn't transient.

I think most importantly we understand each other. Through good or bad we know when to press our limits, there are unspoken boundaries we didn't even know we set, and the non-verbal cues (which um, heLLo we speak on the phone 98% of the time so , like that's important!) we share are better than most old married couples.

And when my pal B says something about the side effect of a random medicine being "diarrhea and incompetence"... well, I know for sure, after picking myself up out of the floor and making myself stop laughing, that we must truly share a brain.

Or half at least half a brain.

--The Milk Maid says at least it wasn't incontinence!

system memory is fantasic!