My boobs were my tools of the trade for almost 20 months.

Once my youngest daughter weaned herself from the Magical Boob Juice, the fun really began!

(And by fun we all know I mean chaos!)

Pull up a chair, sit a while, read a few pages.

Keep and open mind and a joyful heart and you too can get pumped into the world of The Milk Maid.


It May Sound Crazy...

But I am off on a road trip tomorrow....

Sure, Jef doesn't have a job, and we're living on saved money, but we need some adventure. We have had one spontaneous trip in our whole 4-something years of marriage (and 6-something years of togetherness).

We had gone outlet mall shopping in Dahlonega a few years ago and decided (after a U-Turn) to head to Cherokee, NC, and Gatlinburg, TN, for a long weekend. After a "yeah-no-yeah-no-HELL YEAH!" conversation we drove to Tennessee and spent a long weekend in Gatlinburg... then went to gamble on the Cherokee reservation in Cherokee, NC on the way home.

We bonded, we built a fire (and ran the A/C at the same time) and we sat on the balcony of the cheap hotel, drunk as skunks, watching the world go by as we truly, madly, deeply fell further into love! And, not to brag, we (ok, I) won $250+ on the slot machines in Cherokee- Hehe!

So, back to now: We're going to St. Augustine, Florida in the morning!!!

I made the comment that I would LUV a picture of the light house there for my collection of photos (and that Jef's sis Deby would LUV LUV a pic for her growing collection of "Lisht Hooses" (don't ask)...

And all of this turned into a ROAD TRIP!!!

How many times in YOUR life have you packed up and left out for pure fun and adventure? For emotional fufilment? For the pure hell of it? And how many times have you done all three of the previous for the pure enjoyment of it all? Well guess what... That's what we're doing tomorrow!!

The 33% "logical" side of me has been arguing with the 66.99% "lets be a gypsy, girlfriend" side of me (leaving the .01% of "dude, where's my car?" side to keep wondering "where it be, mon?") to do something so "stupid" or "energizing" (purely dependent on what side you vote for) . So... Needless to say (in a 3 to 1 vote) the spontaneous side won and we're off!

At least for tonite.

I admit, Jef asked me about this trip when I'd had a glass of wine in me. And knowing me the way I do, a glass of wine could be an A-OK tonite, and a WTF are you talking about tomorrow. Sure, I'm sitting here in my reindeer panties from VS and a long shirt (ooh, too graphic?), but tomorrow will the cloud of sobriety fog me over, and I may be able to differentiate the light from the darkness? I guess there's only one way to know!....




Attack of the Giant Baby

Ok, so she's not exactly giant... But Miss Ava is up to 12 lbs. 4 oz and 24.5 inches long! For those keeping stats, that's a gain of about 5 pounds since her last check up (and over 2 inches in length). It's true that mommy's milk does a body good!

Miss Ava also got her 1st shots today. Two in one leg, one in the other leg, one in the arm, and then the rotovirus vaccine is oral. She cried and cried... and her poor daddy cried with her. How did I, being as brazen and tough as I am, end up with the sweetest, most tenderhearted man ever? (Awww- sweet Jeffie!). He cries when his "bebe" feels pain, he cries at weddings, funerals, sonograms, when Chip Foose of Overhaulin' (a tv show about a guy who takes cars and fixes them for other people) got overhauled himself. Yeah- Jef is the tender one of the group. I'm the old hard-ass... it's worked for me this far!

There has been no movement for Jef on the job front. I kinda like it around here with him home. We're gonna work up a resume sometime this week. We're in no hurry. I'm still hoping to win the lotto, quite frankly. We do well together 24/7. Now if I could just "un-retire" my parents and have them out of my hair. Sheish!

I never figured out why my mom didn't talk to us at Thanksgiving. She was all happy and frolicky by the time she got back home and started calling us to have Ava come over. I told her no deal, we were going to enjoy each other a little while before we went visiting again. We did end up over there that night, but she wasn't too awful then.

My dad is at Wal-Mart buying us Tilapia. Frozen tilapia, that is. He knows I love to eat fish, and tilapia is really inexpensive. However, I always buy fresh fish (fresh meat of any kind is all that hits the tables around here!). I will just say thanks and smile... he's just trying to be helpful. He's always dragging home weird stuff for us. One time at Kohls he bought me some high-heeled knee boots. He brings them in, all grins, and states "I know they fit- I tried them on!". Yes- it's true... my father and I wear the same size in shoes. I just wish I could have been a fly on the wall that day watching him prance around in the store with those boots on!


Family For Sale... Cheep!

My family is a joke.

No, I am not speaking of "Knock knock" here.

My family is CRAZY! And that's not the "Oh my family is CrAzY! Haha!". This is more like, "We the jury find the defendants...".

You get the picture. And I just had to spend 3 hours of my life with these wackos. Where shall we start...

My aunt Sue (who is the most normal person in the family besides us) was her happy fluttering self. Her hobbies include feeding anyone who will eat, attending funerals, and going "Whooo-Hooo" as she walkes into my house unannounced. Her hubby, Gene, was also as normal as he could be.

We were having a grand time when... DUNDUNDUNNNNNN... my parents arived. Dad woke Ava up, and mom isn't speaking to me today (I've yet to be informed why). Then the cousins started flowing in with their respective broods. My aunt, who is the grandmother to the aforementioned brood of four hugged the children and they commenced to jumping on the coffee table, beaning the others in the heads with balls, wrestling, and screaming.

Then real trouble arrives... Taylor. The mention of her name conjures images of a child who is too sick to do anything for or with others, but is well enough to have her own birthday party outside. In November. In the rain. In near freezing weather.

I love children. You all must know I do! But Taylor is not a child. She is an Evil Spawn. Her parents aren't normal either- they arent even normal-adjacent. Paul requested my aunt bring him his own potato salad without onions and for the potatoes to be cut to a particular size. Jane didnt speak to me either. She is still mad that I went inside at Taylor's birthday party to breastfeed Ava. If it hadn't been 34 degrees and Ava wasn't a month and a half old at the time, I might have reconsidered. Good grief!

The mother's to the cousins (remember the 4 kamikazi children?) are Shanni and Allison. They are the kind of mothers who send 9 month old babies to hunting camps with the husbands so they can so shopping the day after T-Day. They dont have "babies"... they have urban pets. People like this piss me off to the inth degree. I wonder why (Pick up your feet, the sarcasm is seeping)!

This brings us to my one younger cousins I really like- Ashley. She's 19, hovers around 5'11, and has looks and personality to die for! She even brought a nice young man to show off! He was fuzzy bearded, wore baggy jeans (not too baggy, he had a cute tush -- I heard), and was very polite. Props to Ash! If only her sister was like her....

Amanda. We used to be inseperable, then she started dating a scum-bag loser who enjoyed using her as a punching bag. She'd come to me for help, then run back to him. Of course, when she wasnt paying for his booze, his car, and his other girl (and boy) friends, she was catting the town up and down. Jef came home from work one day... seems his new driver had gossiped about the hot tail he'd scored the night previous. Names where dropped, and lo and behold it was Slut-manda. Sigh-- I sure hope the Ajax washed those crotch critters away.

We left early, needless to say. Some where between Amanda holding Ava, Jef wanting to punch Amanda, and sick Taylor touching my precious baby I lost it. I jumped over The Kamikazi Children, who were smothering the youngest in a blanket. I saved him, but he managed to wriggle away and go back to the blanket of doom. Maybe he thought it was safer there. Heck, I thought it was safer there.

Here in our humble abode, we cracked open a little bottle of Champagne. The best Thanksgiving I could hope for was here all along. We get to sit in shorts with the people we love the most, belch if we need to, and enjoy the day. Heck, I even took off my bra until my boobs woke up and I won my own personal wet t-shirt contest!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving! Remember not to get too wrapped up in the details, because that's not what is important. That person you snuggle with at nite, that cat who sees you as the best mom in the world because you let it drink from the tub faucet, the baby who is still in your womb or is freshly born, or that baby-to-be that is still floating around the the ethers of the universe waiting to find his or her mommy... all of THAT is what is important in life.

Last year, I didnt know if we'd ever have a baby... and now, she's taking a nap with her "Dahh". Life doesn't get any better!

Happy Turkey Day!


Stinky C In The House!

It's almost Turkey Day! Great- another excuse to need a nap, right?! Like I need an excuse after the past week, but anyways!

Ava has been gassy lately. Really gassy. Like, so gassy I blame Jef for them! My mom recommended Karo Syrup to help her belly. If you've never heard of Karo it's pretty much pure corn sugar. You give them a squirt in their bottle and wha-laa, belly fixed. Of course, when you breastfeed, it's a little harder to get the Karo "IN"- ya know!? Oh sure, we've come up with quite a few fun options for getting the syrup into the milk-- me eating a bottle of it (yum, sugar rush), rubbing it on my boobs (death by ants), etc. The best solution (other than squirting a little on a passy- like she needed that encouragement) is to pump a bottle and lace it up with the Karo. I sure hope this works... Stinky C has earned her wings to Pootville already!

Oh, in the 20 lbs of rice adventure from yesterday I forgot to mention the comment about my mother's new windows she had installed. They were double hung. You can use your imagination for that one.

I will have a house full tomorrow- Faith, Jef, and Ava (Stinky C!!) will all be here. Along with Chip (the cat) and Buster (the dog), that's a full load. I'm not looking forward to T-Day. Most of my family doesnt know about Jef's recent adventure in unemployment, and as nosey and judgemental as they are, I dont care for them to. My family is just weird. They insert themselves where they dont belong, and I have the kind of manners to tell them to take a flying leap and never look back. I have one cousin in particular who tried to pick a fight with my mom at my grandparents funerals (they died 4 days apart) about who got what potted plant. I told her in no uncertain terms that I was half her age and twice her size, and if she had any doubts that I'd kick her ass right there in the funeral home chapel she was dead wrong. Wow- I'm such a passificist when it comes to family relations, huh?

Hey Berrymom, I tried to leave you a post on your blog. You either have 8 of them, or none- so what I was going to say was I hope the BP thing is a fluke and settles back down for you! Plus, I wish I was closer because I'd be your personal chef for FREE! Just let me out of this house and gimme something to cook. Canned food is evil! ((HUGS)) girlfriend!

That's it for now folks- :-D



20 Pounds of Rice (and other ways to annoy my mother)

I keep telling my mother, the worrier, that we are not going to starve to death because Jef doesn't have a job. For goodness sakes, we have a 1/4 of his yearly salary in the bank at the moment- we will be "otay buckwheet" for quite some time, even if he doesn't hit a lick til 2007 rolls around. She, nonetheless, worries like all mothers do. Except she lives within walking distance (she can see thru my bathroom window if she puts her glasses on), so we're under constant surveillance from momsie. I told her yesterday we have 20 lbs of rice if we get desperate... she cried. The poor woman has no sense of humor, and was blessed with a daughter who is FULL of humor. We really should have bought that valium for her in Belieze a few years back... it would have been a good thing!

So- Jef's job front update: He has 2 offers for good jobs, but he's just not in any hurry to commit to anything in the car biz right this second. It is Thanksgiving in a few days, and who wants a new job during the middle of a holiday? Plus, we're just not in a panic to find him something. We have had the time of our lives the past week. He has laughed and smiled and been SO relaxed this past week. He wont stop cleaning the house either- which makes me wacko, as I am NOT a domestic goddess. But, it keeps him happy, and it's amusing to me for a while.

He fully understands why the house looks like it does most of the time now also. Ava is a clingy little poot, and she's been a "dahh's" girl lately too. Mommy likes! Dont get me wrong- I love my peewee, but being the Milk Maid gets a little tiresome. She's been cluster feeding lately (again) and hasn't been away from the boops longer than 45 minutes for the past 3 days except at night. She lives to eat, and eats until she crashes, and then wakes screaming for more, more, more. Oh, and odor has officially found its way into the poop. And by poop, I mean mustard and mud pie poops. Think about that... and think about finding that at 4am. Ahhh- Motherhood is wonderful (especially when dads change diapers).

Faith had a book character dressup at school today. She was Pikachu. I would have paid money to have had my video camera running when she got off the bus wearing that goofy yellow costume, singing and dancing and frollicking all about! What a goober- but she's MY goober.

Jef and I visited mom today for lunch (in her worried we'd starve mode). She was reading the paper and asked what sexual battery was. Jef was thinking of the technical definition, and I stuck my head around the corner and said, "Isn't sexual battery what you put in your viberator to make it run?". I thought my mother was going to fall over (such a prude!) and I thought Jef was going to fall over (laughing, of course!). This is what too much caffiene does for me... It makes me a perverted comedian. Alcohol does the same thing, but only with less inhibition. My mom actually asked me if I'd been drinking (it was NOON). Eventually, she laughed. After almost 28 years, shouldnt she be more used to my shenanigans?!

Well, I've finally done it. I have started a novel. Yay me! It took this long to make myself just sit down and do it, but now it's going well. I have written 3 chapters so far, and I like it. I let Jef read the beginning of chapter 1 and he loves it.

Basically, it's a detective in a mystery/comedy/romance. Yeah, lots of genres there, but... Just think Lawrence Sanders meets Anne Rice, and a bit of Dean Koontz thrown in (and there's a hell of a threesome, huh?!).

I also have ideas for 2 children's books, but I think if I write them I'll need a pen name. No one wants their 4 year old reading a book written by the same person who penned a steamy trashy novel, right?

Well- while booby-baby is snoozing I'm going to try to squeeze out another chapter... Adios!

Technomarine watch


New Link!

If you will notice, there is a new link added on my blog to M Haley Photography!

Michelle did my maternity photos and Ava's birth photos. She decided to use some of the photos from our sessions on her new and updated website! As you enter the site, the 1st shot you will see is a pregnant woman with short dark hair, looking in ponderance at her belly. That's me! (Hehe!!).

There are newborn pics in the babies gallery - most of you will recognize Ava on the fuzzy white background and hanging in her daddies arms (she still had her umbilical stump in the pics, awww!) and her big sister Faith! Faith looks like Ava (only bigger) and me (only smaller). You get the drift- right?! And the close up of hands shaped like a heart are my hands- haha! My mother is so proud that I quit chewing my nails (and those are my real nails too :P )!

I wanted to brag- and plus, if you're within a hundred miles of this woman it's worth the drive for pics from her!

Enjoy as I try to make my now HUGE head fit thru the doors again~

Yesterday's News...

I arrived home yesterday after a nice afternoon of reflexology and massage from my pal Konetta to find Jef already home. It turns out that his boss decided his time was up and he let him go. Bam- Just like that.

Oh sure, we know when he went to work as the manager that this was a ticking time-bomb of a job. Mr. G has a grand tendency towards firing employees for no particular reason. We rode the money train as far as it would go, and in the great words of Jimmy Buffett, "Don't try to explain it, just bow your head. Breathe in, breathe out, move on."

So that is officially yesterday's news! Not the first time this situation has happened in his line of work... first time was 4 years ago. And if he continues to pursue being a parts manager, then it will continue this cycle.

On to today:

It's raining, it's cold, and it's just bleh out. Jef will be heading out soon to job hunt. I can almost guarantee he'll find something today... that's just how he is. I think we're gonna load up the car and ride with him to go talk to some pals he has- in and out of the car biz. Personally, I think this is all a sign to move to the next adventure. He got the parts manager job as we were TTC- and the money and schedule saw us through it all. Now that we have the extra money stashed, bills paid up, and the house refinanced... the next step in life is calling. I actually slept the best I'd slept in a LONG time last nite, because as Jef says- we dont have to wonder "when" any more.

Life is an open book of possibilities now. There are no limitations or presets. Everything is fresh again. And this isnt the end of the world. It's just a job, after all. Our love is strong, our children are healthy, and we have come prepared to class for this time in our life. My job is to stand by my hummy-bades and encourage.

I've said it before, but I will reitterate:

Everything in life happens for a reason. We dont know the reasons, we just have to accept it as the will of a higher power and find the road we are supposed to be on. There are shifts and dissapointments for the same reasons there are boring, routine days and excitement. You find out who you can depend on, and who can depend on you. And above all, you see life for what it really is: a never-ending journey.


BF Milestone!

Drumroll please.....!

Lilypie Breastfeeding Ticker

Tomorrow is 8 (calendar) weeks for us, and it's flown by! Of course, Ava is a natural... Anything vaguely nipple sized is considered food. And the only "nipple confusion" she has is deciding which side she likes best! Hurray for Ava (and me!).

So this accomplishment has lifted my "PPD" (perpetually pissy days?) somewhat. I'm still dancing the mood swing. I went for some good, old fashioned retail therapy today too. That never hurts. I've been making up new things that PPD can stand for too, like:

*Perpetually Pissy Days
*Positively Perplexing Demeanor
*Pissy Pissy Doo-doo
*Pink Possum Dance
*Particular preppie Dress
*Pretencious Potbelly Diva
Ok, so I can see the light at the end of this tunnel. I'm hoping the blahs will be short-lived. I'm trying to get outside more- sunshine IS good, little vampire! I've been trying to eat better too. Not sure if that is really helping, but it's a mission, and a mission will keep me occupied. Idle hands do the devil's work, and idle minds will have you become the devil! And just because I have a witchy name doesn't mean I wanna be a witch to all I meet!
Off to diaper duty!


Bummin' and Slummin'

I'm in a crappy mood folks. The more I think about it, the less I believe truly that I am experiencing PPD, but I just don't know.

I think I have a bad case of $hitty mood syndrome. I guess it's from Jef's big inventory coming up, the indecision of having another kiddo, and ordinary mom stress. That and I look like re-re-fried beans... to the point that I need to be tossed and start over.

Ok - enough! That was the bummin'.... now for slummin':

I have the same shirt I had on yesterday. And the day before that. And the day before that too. I have showered. I even shaved my pits! But I have the same ol shirt on. It's comfy, and I'm feeling crappy so why not indulge myself in some slovenly comforts?

I really need to change the shirt after yesterday's incident. I fell and busted it in the garage. I was wearing my Old Navy flip-flops, it'd been raining, the Armada was wet (as well as my feet), and when I got out I planted my hefty rumpus in the concrete. Of course when I fell, I leaned back trying to catch myself so now I have 2 softball size bruises on my back, my elbow has a golf ball sized knot and a technicolor bruise, and my back hurts (worse than it did before). Oh yeah- and my butt cheek has a nice whelpy blue bruise. Brings a whole new meaning to "That's HOT!".

But I digress-

My hair. When you say the "My hair" sentence, you must shake your head and sigh. I should never have cut it. That's over and done with now. Now is the time for growing it back out (for the 4th time-- some never learn). I think I am going to color it, then worry about a trim. I decided after my last cut cost me $20 more than the previous one with the same person, that I must find a new hair girl (or guy-- ooh, I always wanted a gay hair dresser, but that's a whole 'nother blog-day). I've considered hair extensions, but I'm a tight wad. Still... I might go that route. I have "hair trust" issues. I wont let someone color my hair until they've cut it. And to cut it I need a list of references (not really... well, almost). Let's just say it's easier to get a job with the CIA than to be my hairdresser.

I told Jef that getting color from a new hair-person is like sleeping with someone on the first date. Not just the smoochie-poo stuff either... we're talking kinky 1st date sex (grab the weed whacker!). Seeing as how I'm a lady (ok, yeah I'm laughing too) I must follow proper etiquette. Oh boy- I may as well go to Publix and grab some color. But now for the hard part- WHAT color? Deep chestnut (natural, just enhanced), a roaring red (slutty, yet refined and temper-matching), or blonde (duh- I dunno!).

Seems like it will be a day of decisions... To toss, or not to toss the flip-flops that flopped me; hairy-scary... I'm still wary; The great Shirt-Capade!

tankless water heaters


What The Crud?

It occurred to me today, while feeding Ava in the backseat of my mom's car, that my mother can't stop staring at my boobs when Ava eats! I'm sitting there, whipping one out, and I catch a glimpse of her oogling at me. Please understand, my mom is as prude as they come, and this is such atypical behavior for her that it all becomes even stranger than if she was just one of the "girls" and was curious about how it all worked.

To top that off, my dad looks everywhere BUT my ninnies when I feed Ava... to the point that it's obvious he's a little uncomfortable with this. That actually cracks me up so much that I end up hoping he wanders by just so I can see him squirm a little!

I suppose this is just proof of how different and excentric my 'rents are!

Sigh-- Today is mom's birthday! I got her a sweater, a scarf, and took her to lunch today. Which brings us back to me feeding Ava in the back of her car. She was adamant that I feed her BEFORE we went inside, so "Ava wouldn't cry in the restaurant". Or could it be so she didn't have to share the view with anyone? Eww- That's weird, even for my twisted brain.

I'm totally pro-restaurant bf-ing... and if someone doesn't like it, they can take their food to the restroom! Now granted, if I was in a swanky place with 4,000 watching I might be inclined to pump and give her a bottle as opposed to whipping one out in front of God and everybody. And, in reality, I usually do pump- but just so I can eat too! Plus there's the "let down" issue- when my milk "lets down" I have a grand opportunity to share a little milk with everyone within 3 feet of us! So why my mother had probs with me feeding her at the table (after she has already gawked at me-ahhh!) I may never know.

Tonite is Mexican food nite again! The place we ate at the other nite- El Jinete- ROCKED! The style of food reminded me of our cruise to Cozumel. The Margarita was wonderful, although I might go for something sweeter tonite. Plus, Berrymom got me to thinking about a cranberry margarita (thanks!) so I may ask for one of those. I know, I sound like such a lush- but the only drinks I have I report here- haha!

Hey, are cranberry margaritas considered Thanksgiving fare? If they are, that's what my contribution to the family Thanksgiving gathering will be this year. We might all enjoy each other if there is tequila involved!

And a moment to gloat- I will have the youngest baby at the holiday gatherings this year, for both sides of the "fam-damily". Nanny-nanny-boo-boo! We worked hard for that honor, and I'd have another one to defend it! (Well, it sounds good anyway.)


Cravings and Calories

Let's talk food, people!

Oh My God am I hungry. Not just now- no! Heaven knows I just ate a sandwich wrap with double the meat... And a Butterfinger... And a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup.

Now I've been known to eat quite a bit. I'm 5'8, active, and always had a good appetite. But now that I'm breastfeeding I absolutely cannot eat enough to fill myself up. They say you dont need extra calories OR that 400-500 extra will do it (depending on your source). I eat 4 times now what I ate before I got pregnant, and twice as much as when I was preggo. I drink plenty of water to keep hydrated, I drink a little juice to keep my sugar reserves up, and I'm eating as many complex carbs as I can find. Of course I have as much meat as possible for protein (red meat preferrably!). Fresh fruits and veggies for snacking keep me sane (and at bay) until my next meal.

All of this isn't a problem since I'm not gaining weight (I check on a regular basis). I suppose the little booger is slurping the life right out of me! I'm pumping upwards of 5 oz from each breast at any given time. I wish I knew the formula for calories needed per ounce of milk- haha!

Now to the craving part: I want a margarita. Doesn't sound too obsurd, I know. "They" (those doctor people) allow an occassional drink while bf-ing (thank GOD- just went 9 months here without one!!). But for me to crave a margarita, or anything tequila-based is unheard of since The Incident.

The Incident (it's capilitized because it's official) was where I puked tequila for 20 miles out the window of an Nissan Altima, then thru my kitchen and den, my bedroom, and my shower. Jef had to bathe me, including wash my hair (he even conditioned it, the sweetie). Needless to say, after the hangover wore off 3 days later I haven't drank a drop of tequila. That was over 5 years ago. So now do you see the oddity of me craving tequila?

It seems that I am out of food for the moment... let's see what else I can eat today!

I must add this before I go ... Faith's quote of the day (upon eating her 1st ever Heath Bar): "Ding Dong that's good- tastes like coffee!"

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