My boobs were my tools of the trade for almost 20 months.

Once my youngest daughter weaned herself from the Magical Boob Juice, the fun really began!

(And by fun we all know I mean chaos!)

Pull up a chair, sit a while, read a few pages.

Keep and open mind and a joyful heart and you too can get pumped into the world of The Milk Maid.


Summer Snow

No- Not the white kind! The yellow kind. (No not THAT kind of yellow snow!).

This time of year I wanna be a bee... so I can be in bee Nirvana (that sounds poem-ish):

Our asphalt driveway is supposed to be jet black (well 1/2 was repaved recently)... those 12 pine trees in the front, acres of grass, and all kinds of other trees make sure that it's not. And the pic of my grill is self explanatory.

Ok- no more bitching about pollen. For now!

I totally reorganized my blog yesterday- as you can see. I didn't intend to do it, but I got rolling and wha-laa. In my nervous energy escapade, I went to the bank yesterday and was going to go bra shopping afterwards, but Ava had other plans. Food was her other plan, then a nap. Then Y&R was on... then I got to playing with the blog and I chatted Tracey up online for a while. I cooked a TON of food as all the other was going on. You'd think I was nesting.

Speaking of things baby-related... I'm on day 7, or is it 8, of my period. I started late last Friday nite-Sat am. It's been AWFUL this time, as well as last month (by month I mean 35+ days before). I cant stand being under AF's rule for 3 or 4 days... let alone 7+. It's like middle school all over again- except I didn't start while wearing white pants and walk into the lunchroom full of people AND then my DAD had to come pick me up because mom was too busy. Grrr!

Faith was full of herself this morning. She was cold, but wouldn't put on a jacket. She just sat in the dark in her bathroom on the potty and whined. I told her to start marching while her tush was still able. She eventually got moving, and her mood improved. Of course I had to threaten her with the "if you want to go with pops to the Okefenokee Swamp next week you'd better get it in gear, sister!". Only my child would want to spend part of Spring Break in the SWAMP with her grandpa. She wants to see an alligator... I told her we had those at the zoo. She countered with "but that's not their natural habitat... I want to experience them in the wild". How do I argue with that logic? It's hard to remember she is only 9 sometimes.

I swear Ava has an egg timer in her bed. I can lay her down and she will wake up 30 minutes later, almost to the minute. The little devil... She's learned to screech this week. She sounds like a pterodactyl. A very mad pterodactyl! But she grins the whole time, so I guess she's getting her giggles out of it.

Jef's daughter Paige turns 21 on April Fools Day. We're taking her out to dinner at Dead Lobster (ha!) tomorrow night. If I follow the pattern we have of spaces between kids, then I might be able to convince Jef around the year 2017 that we need to add to our collection of girls. That would make me 37 and him 56. I think that perhaps we shouldn't wait so long.

(And Jeffie I know you are reading this going ARRRRGH like a pterodactyl... you think we have enough and you give me the 'maybe' answer just to keep me happy, blahblahblah... but I will still continue to harass you, even if for my own pleasure :-D ... I'm a little wicked like that, but that's why you love me).


Ants in my Pants (UPDATE)

I'm completely full of nervous energy today, and I have no idea why. I didn't sleep too great last nite and my eyes were completely against opening this morning, but now that I'm up I am wired for sound.

My dad is with our cousin Lamar at Road Atlanta today for some kind of a Porsche race. Lamar has more money than sense, and now that his 911 is ready to go again (he wrecked it his last race) he's off like a shot. Faith calls Lamar "Little Man". He's about 5'3... so if the shoe fits! Dad and Lamar have a long history of "going racing" which usually includes Lamar wrecking or having someone else drive the car while he and dad hunt folks to talk to and drink "OPB" (that's Other People's Beer).

In addition to feeling antsy today, I'm also feeling a bit obsessive/compulsive. I'm not sure WHAT I want to obsessivly be compelled to do yet, but I'm racking my brain. I really should stop drinking Chick-Fil-A coffee... I think they put something wacky in there. It gives my brain an incentive to compile a check list of "things to be done" and I don't mean like "wash the clothes" and "mop". It makes me want to meddle about.

Well gang, I've got to get up and get going somewhere before my little brain explodes. I'll fill ya in laters gaters~


UPDATE: Yeah, you might have noticed the ol blog page looks a wee bit different... Told you I was antsy. I resisted the urge to paint and rearrange the house, but I will be flipping my mattress later. I really need a hobby. Or a jobby. Something- Cause....Idle hands do the devil's work. Hello, Satan...


Quippy Quotes and More Pollen

Record pollen high today gang- over 6000! If you were wondering (I'm sure you've been hanging off the edge of your seat for this tidbit) high is considered 120. That put it into perspective? I'm going to take a photo of my driveway later and show you all (my loyal readers) how pollen-ish we are.

I guess I should have called this More Pollen and Quippy Quotes to be more orderly... Nahh, screw order! Haha!

I was flipping through an old journal (I should do this lots more often, what a hoot) and found a bunch of quotes. Most of them are originals from me. You will soon see that I have always been this odd- it's not a recent occurrence.

Quotes on life (These are all mine):

"There is a hole deep inside me that not even a belly-button ring can fill".

"There are some things in this life that people will warn you against and forbid you to do. Occasionally, they may be right, but usually you have to take the initiative and decide for yourself."

"I sure as HELL hope there is reincarnation. I seemed to have thoroughly fucked up this life. Can I get a do-over?" (Written after marrying my ex-husband).

"Brain Dander, (noun). Dead brain cells that have fallen to the floor causing an allergic reaction resulting in memory loss and stupidity."

And one from Shakespeare:

"It is a wise father who knows his own child."


And being in the nostalgic mood I'm in, I have decided to include a photo me me as a baby. I was about 7 months old in this picture. I wasn't long after I was adopted- I don't have any pics of me before that. I'm starting to see the resemblance between me and Ava a little. OK, a lot. Haha- Enjoy!


Pollen Encrusted Monday

(MAYBE this will actually POST this time)!!!
From the local news:

"Pollen levels hit a record high on Monday. The Atlanta Allergy and Asthma Clinic said pollens levels climbed to 5,499 on Monday. That's the highest level so far this year and the fourth highest ever."

And I am going to replant some plants that died last year in my yard today. I'm nuts!

The goats and the llama are yellow tinted, along with everything else that's outside. Speaking of goats, Sugar (the smaller of the 2) got out of the pen yesterday. I dont know how she did it either- the gate was closed and there were no holes in the fence. Maybe she can fly- who knows. As I was puting her back up, she got her head stuck in the fence- AGAIN (she does it a lot). My goats are not going to be doing any higher math any time soon. Not so bright, those two.

I'm so tired today. I didnt go get breakfast, I didnt have my coffee, and I didnt convince Ava to take a nap with me after taking Faith to school. I have a lot on my mind too. Nothing major or important, but thoughts are buzzing around up there. This is kinda what it sounds like in my head:

((BUZZZZZ))... Dad offered to sell our houses to a lady the other day for something outrageous like $1.3 million... and she was INTERESTED. Why didnt he maybe ASK me before he offered my house for sale? If I could get $1.3 million for the 2 houses I'm moving to the beach. Ahh the beach- will we be able to go on vacation this year? Remember to eat lunch! Why do I want to make a decision NOW on wether or not we will have another baby. Why can't I relax and wait and see how it goes? How long will Ava breastfeed. Will my milk dry up too soon? What would she eat? Will I even want to put on a bathing suit this summer? Where can I buy a muumuu? I wonder what Tracey's doing? Why did I dream about Mario Batali the other nite- why not the cute vampire-attorney guy?... ((BUZZZZZ))

Sigh. Well, I'm off to brush my teeth and then go dig in the yard a bit! Toodles~


The Mario Batali Dream

If you have ever watched the Food Network, then you most likey have seen Mario Batali of Molto Mario and Iron Chef America. If you haven't, think big, pale red haired Italian guy who wears shorts and orange Crocs. Here's a visual:

I had a weirdo sex dream about Mario... Here it is:

I was at my aunt's house cooking for a party in this dream when suddenly, Mario appeared and offered to help me cook. I was delighted because there was so much to be done for the party. We started chopping onions and then the scene changed to my aunt's laundry room. Mario was flirting with me, and I started flirting back. He kept looking at my boobs so I grabbed them and gave them a shake in his direction. Then he grabbed my boobs and started kissing them (Magically, I had no shirt or bra on at this point). About that time I started squirting milk and he was in awe- he said he'd never seen anything like that before- ever! I said, "Mine are the only ones that can do this. The only ones in the whole world!"

That was pretty much the extent of it. I told Jef and he hasn't stopped laughing about it. We were watching tv last nite and Mario was on as we flipped channels. I can't even look at him any more. And I'll never ever be able to go into my aunt's laundry room again without thinking about my semi-sex dream with Mario.

I have to stop watching so much tv before bedtime!


Filling in the blanks:

If you haven't read the previous post now would be a good time so you kinda have a clue what I am babbling about...

[Sound of box being drug to center of room. Aradia kicks what appears soap box to it's desired location. She clears her throat and steps on the box...]

I come to blogger today to complain about stupid comments that were made in regards to breastfeeding in general by my neighbor. She finds breastfeeding "gross" and "vulgar". She was unaware that I was breastfeeding Ava when she made these idiotic comments. I truly believe that if you would prefer to formula feed over bf-ing then, by all means, go for it! I'm not out to change the whole world just because I enjoy breastfeeding. BUT- don't you dare try to tell me it's obscene when YOU (meaning my neighbor) are wearing a shirt showing MUCH more boobage than I do when I feed my baby. I could see about 2/3 of them all pushed up and plopped out. Grrrr- This is why I don't make a point to be sociable. She also was knocking tandem-breastfeeding, but that's a whole other arena that I wont even get started on today. I can feel my blood pressure going up up up!

[Before Aradia exploded, she quickly jumped off the soap box, put it away while wiping sweat from her brow, and rejoined her ever-patient audience.]

Now that all that crap if off my chest, let's talk about Walgreens and their interesting inventory!

I was hunting for "Neat!" brand diaper disposal refills. Their website said "Sorry we do not have that item... Here are other popular products you might be interested in:". So I thought hey- maybe I will be interested! So I scroll down to find a "Liberator Wedge". This is a "sex device" that helps you achieve a better angle for pleasure. I have seen this in Playboy (I read the articles too) but I never expected to see one at Walgreens. As I was getting over the initial shock of that, I noticed they also carry a "gift pack" of KY with different varieties and flavors. Now, let's face it. I want my intimate moments to be as pleasurable as possible, but never in my many years have I needed a half-gallon of lube. Which made me think, am I doing something wrong? Again, without too much detail, let's just say I'm completely satisfied in the boudoir with my man! And even post-baby, a gallon of goob-loob isn't necessary. Maybe it's like a Y2K stash or something??

I went for a facial yesterday with Konetta. It turned into a massage and reflexology. She also said my energy-points weren't in motion. I told her to fix them. She did. I guess you kinda had to be there for that. :-)

And finally, my banana-terrorism. Mom said I couldn't buy bananas or eat a banana split because of something about Venezuelan terrorists guarding the crops (or something, I wasn't really listening to her). Well, needless to say that fueled my passion for the oblong fruit and I was off to the store. My poor mother!



I finally got logged on here to blog dangit- and it's 10pm, I'm completely wiped-out, and I have no clue what I was going to blog about in the first place.

It was something like my neighbors stupid bf-ing comments, walgreen's drug store-- what they sell and dont sell, my trip to get a facial that turned into a massage, and me supporting terrorism by buying a banana split or some nonsense my mother said.

Yeah- it was all something like that. And more!

Tune in tomorrow (or tomorrow-ish) for the full report... The bed is calling my name!


Ava is 6 months old!

Little Miss Sweetie Pants is 6 months old today! Where has the time gone?!

Saturday we went to the mall and had some great photos made. We bought A LOT of pictures, but it was sooo much less expensive that the girl who did our last portraits. I can go to this place (The Picture People) and spend a 1/5 less AND take photos home (framed if I want) THAT DAY. We had pics made, viewed and chose what we wanted, and were done and on the way home with framed photos in about 2 hours.

We reached a milestone Saturday, much to mommy's surprise. Ava can sit up by herself for short bursts that last anywhere from 5 seconds to about 30 seconds! I learned this at the mall while having the photos made.

In other Ava news: She's eating solids now. I was very hesitant to start her too soon. I had originally intended on waiting until right at the 6 month mark before starting her on any solids. She had such an interest in what we were eating that I started giving her rice cereal and it blossomed from there. She loves all the stage 1 fruits and most of the veggies. She still is a huge boobie-baby though.... at least I can go to the grocery store and not worry so much about her not eating anything.

Here are the photos from Saturday:

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketPhoto Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketWhat a cutie, huh?!


All dressed up!

And somewhere to go... for me at least! I'm going to a friends house (Faith's tutor, aka girl I graduated from highschool with, aka Heather) for an embriodery party. Her pal has started a company called Hunny Bunny Embroidery and is doing fun custom "stuff". Considering I do a part-time custom embriodery gig with dad, I guess you could say I'm plotting. Hey, a girl's gotta keep her eyes open for good stuff!

So, I'm all dressed up! My hair is done (had a trim yesterday), I have makeup on, and I'm wearing a dry-clean only shirt. So what if I have bluejeans on too- I feel like a million bucks. AND I almost forgot... I'm NOT wearing a nursing bra. Yep, the gals are off duty for a while tonite! They are squeezed into an old favorite of mine, and they are sitting pretty (pretty high up, that is). Note to self- buy a real bra that doesn't make me claustraphobic.

I'm about to scoot, so here's a quick pic of me and Ava:


Who's Idea What That??!!

As much fun as I have with Ava, I was just wondering---

Who's idea was it to give babies razor sharp fingernails? You cant keep them trimmed, and you can't file them smooth. It's like I'm breastfeeding Freddy Kruger's child! And whoever tried to convince you that biting their nails down for them is any better must have had vodka with their cheerios. My kid just grabbed a wad of hair from the cat after she's chewed her fingers all afternoon. No, biting them off doesn't help- it gives you a hairball. A big, gooey hairball.

Who forgot to tell the baby that once they are OUT of your body, they can stop kicking you in the gut? Ava did not get this memo. Upon waking somewhere between dusk and dawn and expecting to be put into the bed with us, Ava will kick like a little mule the whole time I am laying there feeding her. And, unless she falls asleep right after her midnite snack, she will kick and punch and poke until she drifts back off to dream land. I have bruises for Pete's sake. I must speak with her about this!

Nothing is that funny at 4:00am. The only thing I want to do at 4 am is go back to sleep. Ava says 4 am is party-time. Mommy says the "O" in 0400 hours means "Oh god it's early".

Drool me a river. When will the teeth ever break through? She's been "teething" (teasing) since she was 3 months old. We go through 4 bibs a day, and at least a few outfits. I'm going to buy her a bucket to sit in. I'm afraid I will float away at the pace she is going! Plus, sharing all this slobber is not nice. No, mommy doesn't want a big handfull of your drool in her mouth, thanks! The cat's hair is all spiked up from Ava's styling goop... the poor thing looks like the fur-baby of
Sheena Easton and Billy Idol. Of course, Jef looks cute with the shiney slobbery bald head- go figure!

The Double-Handed Grubby-Grab is not needed for milk letdown (this has inspired poetry):
Stong, tiny fingers
Adorned with thorn-like nails,
They make mommy jump.
They make mommy wail!

Grabbing my boob and squeezing
Oh what a delight.
Red scratches and bleeding,
That's SO not right!

Please let go my ninny,
Please dont claw my tit.
This really isnt funny-
Just let go of it!

And just think- teeth are around the corner!



We were bored, I had a camera and some props... Here's the result!

And here's Murray the Llama:

Not too shabby! :-)


Welcome Murray!

So as you have previously read- I want an alpaca farm. Guess what... I took the first step this past week!

Murry is my new llama baby! Ok, so he's a llama, not an alpaca. And he's not really a baby, he's 12 years old. All that aside, let me fill you in:

I dont have $20,ooo to fork over for an alpaca (actually a mother, a cria- which is a baby- and the mother bread again for a future offspring). So, not having a crap-load of cash, we have been looking into alternite methods of funding for the alpacas. Llamas are a LOT less expensive than their cousins, the alpcaca. I am a junkie. Ever checked that site out?? Maybe you should! It's like ebay, but free. I was searching for alpacas, and happened to find a llama for adoption. His name was Meriweather. He was $200. I was hooked. For a mere $20 delivery fee (he was only 35 miles away) I had my llama. I quickly changed his called name to Murray (Meriweather sounded so official, so pretentious, so gender-unspecific). Plus, Murray is a reference to my fave show "Scrubs". And, he just looked like a Murray!

Ok, so what in this world does a llama have to do with an alpaca farm? Llamas are know herd protectors. The #1 killer for alpacas are stray dogs and coyotes... and we have both here. Llamas will stomp the crap out of a dog, a coyote, or anything else that doesn't belong in it's habitat. So, I have a heard protector, but no heard. Again, let me reference that I dont have $20k to drop on alpacas. Llamas are also a hot commodity. They are a more reasonably priced commodity too. It's really a starting point, and a learning curve for me. Although I have been around large animals my whole life, you must be retrained to understand these particular animals. Basically, when you can control a 450 pound llama, a 175 pound alpaca is childs-play (I'm used to 1000+ lb horses). Plus, Murray is a breeding ready male (he's got all his stuff, as I explained to Faith, hehe!). That in itself can help to fund the future alpaca heard I want to raise.

Murray's former owner has another llama and an alpaca male for sale... and I'm contemplating buying them too. He's ready to get out of the biz and into city life, so I may hit a prime opportunity here. It's all still in the works, but you know I will keep you filled in!

Currently, the llama is in with our twin goats- Sugar and Spice. They are part regular goat, part pygmy goat. The PIG in pygmay has come out since Murray's arrival. They are awfully brave girls to challenge something as big as Murray for food! But, I digress....

Ava is in love with the critters outside! She thinks everything should be petable and snuggle with her. Also, she has a new obsession with the cat, Chip. She grabs the cat instead of petting him. We're trying to teach her the difference between grabbing the cat bald and loving kitty. She does ok, and the cat doesn't seem to mind too much. All is well there!

I shaved Jef's head the other nite. As you can tell from his picture in my profile, he didnt have far to go. I have been wanting him to shave his head again since 3 summers ago on vacation (first time I saw him sans hair, and I was hooked!). I always thought he looked just like Charlie Brown. Tracey says he looks like Michael Chickless (whats that show- The Shield??!!). Either way, he's hotter without hair. Too much hair, and he looks like his brother Ronny (the hippy).

And speaking of hair--- I can pull mine in a pony tail now! Yay! I cut it (like a dumb-butt) a year ago and it's finally long enough to start looking good again.

Well, my boobs are needed. Ava just woke up, and she hasnt learned the art of patience yet. Adios-


Men and Horses

Occasionally, a string of thoughts will enter my head and weave their way through until they are in a tight knit. The following is an excerpt from my "brain scarf" of the day (what a yarn)!

This may sound like a primer on horses... but it's really a comparison of a horse to a man. Use your imagination, and have fun:

Say you have a young horse. They need to be broken. That's all there is to it! You have to get them used to listening to YOU, make them behave properly, and get them used to being under saddle. Sometimes you need spurs, some train easy. Oh yeah, most important: Wean them from their mothers as soon as possible!

Now, if you start with an older horse that someone else has trained, you might get a good ride from the beginning, or you might have to retrain them to your style of horsemanship. Some like to chomp at the bit, raring to go, even after years of galloping the trails. Some need a little extra TLC to get their butts up and going. Many times a horse like this is used to riding the same old trails. They get so used to the same old trail in fact that they can go from point A to point B with their eyes closed. Oh sure, that can be a boring ride, but these horses never go jumping any fences to play with the mares next door (Of course, that's probablly because they have been threatened with gelding if they do).

Now a young stallion makes for an exhilariting ride! The downfall is the rides are not paced, over quickly, and studs are known for only going where they think they need to go. It is possible to ride your young stud more than once a day... but stallions are selfish, and this can lead to dissapointment. There's always a nice shower waiting back at the ranch for the rider so that she may overcome her frustrations in a peaceful, civilized manner.

Keep in mind that horses need to be cleaned up after a LOT. They need near constant grooming. They would leave the barn with any old saddle on- or no saddle at all- unless you make sure it's appropriate for them. They need nail trimmings- which you usually must pay someone to do. Supplements are needed for health, but be prepared to shove them down the horse's throat.

Horses are lots of work. But at the end of the day, when they come stick their warm muzzle on your shoulder and sigh, you know they are worth the extra effort.

Question: Do you know the difference between a horse and a husband?

Answer: A horse will never turn into a jackass!

(Oh, what kind of horse is Jef?... He's well mannered under saddle, never gets loose and goes playing with other horses, and is good with children. He eats out of my hand, pulls his own weight, and is fairly easy to groom! I still have to shove pills down his throat though! Hehe- love you hunny!)