Who's Idea What That??!!

As much fun as I have with Ava, I was just wondering---

Who's idea was it to give babies razor sharp fingernails? You cant keep them trimmed, and you can't file them smooth. It's like I'm breastfeeding Freddy Kruger's child! And whoever tried to convince you that biting their nails down for them is any better must have had vodka with their cheerios. My kid just grabbed a wad of hair from the cat after she's chewed her fingers all afternoon. No, biting them off doesn't help- it gives you a hairball. A big, gooey hairball.

Who forgot to tell the baby that once they are OUT of your body, they can stop kicking you in the gut? Ava did not get this memo. Upon waking somewhere between dusk and dawn and expecting to be put into the bed with us, Ava will kick like a little mule the whole time I am laying there feeding her. And, unless she falls asleep right after her midnite snack, she will kick and punch and poke until she drifts back off to dream land. I have bruises for Pete's sake. I must speak with her about this!

Nothing is that funny at 4:00am. The only thing I want to do at 4 am is go back to sleep. Ava says 4 am is party-time. Mommy says the "O" in 0400 hours means "Oh god it's early".

Drool me a river. When will the teeth ever break through? She's been "teething" (teasing) since she was 3 months old. We go through 4 bibs a day, and at least a few outfits. I'm going to buy her a bucket to sit in. I'm afraid I will float away at the pace she is going! Plus, sharing all this slobber is not nice. No, mommy doesn't want a big handfull of your drool in her mouth, thanks! The cat's hair is all spiked up from Ava's styling goop... the poor thing looks like the fur-baby of
Sheena Easton and Billy Idol. Of course, Jef looks cute with the shiney slobbery bald head- go figure!

The Double-Handed Grubby-Grab is not needed for milk letdown (this has inspired poetry):
Stong, tiny fingers
Adorned with thorn-like nails,
They make mommy jump.
They make mommy wail!

Grabbing my boob and squeezing
Oh what a delight.
Red scratches and bleeding,
That's SO not right!

Please let go my ninny,
Please dont claw my tit.
This really isnt funny-
Just let go of it!

And just think- teeth are around the corner!