My boobs were my tools of the trade for almost 20 months.

Once my youngest daughter weaned herself from the Magical Boob Juice, the fun really began!

(And by fun we all know I mean chaos!)

Pull up a chair, sit a while, read a few pages.

Keep and open mind and a joyful heart and you too can get pumped into the world of The Milk Maid.


Just Another Friday Mish-Mash

For as long as I can remember children have always seemed to come out of the blue to talk to me. I could be shopping or reading a book at the park or even in the middle of a store that caters to adults in the mall (like Teavana- yum!) and some small person with big eyes and lots to chat about will find me. I don't know if I just have a friendly face or perhaps it is because I look motherly or what it is that attracts these children to me. It could very well be that I have a disproportionately large head and the kids think I'm some cartoon character come to life. Whatever the reason is, I can promise you that where ever I go, they will find me.
A prime example is today at a local fast food joint we shall call Chick-Fil-$. I take Ava to the playground and not 45 seconds later here comes a tiny little girl with painted finger and toe nails, glossy green sandals, a fantastically white outfit that is embroidered with red flowers, and a 4 pound red bow clipped into her hair at such an angle I thought surely it must be a struggle for her to walk without listing to one side.
The first thought that ran through my mind as Over-Coiffed Tiny Girl made her entrance to the play area was Oh shit... I'm going to have to talk to this kid.
I'll be honest here- I have no desire to spend an hour making small talk with a pint-sized peewee. I have learned from vast experience that I just don't have that much in common with a 3 year old (sans the occasional temper tantrum). I'm anti-social with adults on the best days, and with strange children well- you can imagine how this all went down right?....
Over-Coiffed Tiny Girl (bursting into the room): Hi!!! My name is Anna Kate Gracie*, but you can call me Anna Kate.
Me (in my signature monotone style): Why not Gracie?
OCTG: Oh because my mother and grandmother's names are Gracie and it would be very hard to know WHO we were talking to.
Me: So I guess it is good you have lots of other first names then.
OCTG: We saw "Horton And A Who" today. It was really funny because they had this flower and they played with it and Horton And a Who was an elephant!!
Me (sipping tea, eyeballing the kid warily): Neeto.
OCTG (relentless): My mom is really smart. She took me to her work one day and let me draw a picture for her. My mom is really smart.
Me (starting to get antsy): Where is your mom?
OCTG: She's right outside (yelling) MOM MOM MOM HEY HEY HEY MOM! There's my mom. She's smart. And that is her friend Miss Olga, she smells pretty.
Me: (fakes a smile, wishing for Ava to climb down from the top of the slide area and save me!) Ohhh.
OCTG: Your kid is small. How old is she? Can she talk? Why does she scream so loud? Can you make her stop screaming? She's really loud. What is her name? What is her middle name? What is her third name?
Me: You mean last name?
OCTG (looking at me like I am the most stupid person on earth): Nooooo- her THIRD name!
Me: Oh look at the time! Bye!
*I swear I couldn't make that up if I tried
--The Milk Maid says my ears, my ears- someone save my ears!


Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

A few weeks ago my pal K came into town for a little teacher's learning seminar deal. After picking her up from her hotel we drive back to my casa for an evening of fun! I made K wait in the car while I went in to pick up Faith that afternoon from my parent's house. My mother is classified as a scary encounter on a good day, even for me- I couldn't throw a new friend whom she's never met to the wolves on the first visit.

Faith was excited to meet my new buddy from Texas and she bounded down the steps and ran to my SUV. Faith plopped right into the backseat and skipped her usual stiff glare and apprehension towards new people. An explosion of blabber erupted from Faith. K noted that Faith looked so much like me, and before I could interject my usual, "Well yes, but you should see her father" line Faith blurted out something to the effect of:

It's like a cloning experiment! We both look just like mommy!

K laughed. I blushed a little, but I knew exactly where Faith had gotten that line from. Not only do my kiddos look like me, they freakin' repeat everything I say verbatim.

The night went on and I indulged K in a few old photo books from when Faith was a baby, when Ava was a baby, my wedding... and then I showed her MY photos-- baby pictures right on through high school. She kept giving me this look, like damn they are clones.

She asked me why I'd never blogged the pics before, and I told her that I did once but it was many moons ago.

So for your viewing pleasure (and some comic relief) here are a few photos of Faith and Ava as babies along with me, The Milk Maid, from once upon a time... I apologise in advance for the poor photo quality, my scanner is down and these are photos of photos! I will let everyone guess who is who on the first few numbered shots!










The Milk Maid always styles in overalls!

For B&K... You know the krimped look was IN (I swear this is as geeky as I got)!

I just proved myself wrong... this is a whole other level of geekatude!


I made up for it a little in high school though...


Any one want to wager a guess on my age in this photo?


--The Milk Maid says smooch it!


It Has Come To My Attention...

...That I seem to be neglecting my blog (thanks for pointing that out B!).

So here I am. I'm blogging. See me?!

Ava was sick Monday and Tuesday- fever, belly ache, generally cranky. I think she was really constipated and cutting teeth at the same time (only theory I got folks). I have her a small suppository and she had a massive poop. It'd been three whole days, and lemme just say- wow! I beg the large zoo mammal to please remove yourself from Ava's rear end because I know my baby is not capable of making anything like that all by herself!

In other non-fecal related news Faith brought home a wonderful report card of A's and B's... she's brought all her grades up this time (with the exception of one, but it went from low A to high B, so no worries!). She also came up to me today and asked if she could spend the money she'd been saving on a DS. Believe it or not, she has more than enough casho to buy one! I am taking her tomorrow (and mama is going looking at lap tops too- whooo!).

My school resumes next week. I am o-v-e-r-j-o-y-e-d at that peeps. I'd forgotten how much I enjoy doing nothing all day, not thinking, and not having to wear a bra. Oh well, education calls and I have a 4.0 GPA to uphold, so off I go to skool I shall trot.

--The Milk Maid says it ain't easy to be this cheesy!


1/7 Of Your Life Is On A Monday

Hope everyone had a fabulous Easter weekend complete with too much good food- I know we did! My mom cooked a ham and a turkey (or rather she incenerated 2 pieces of meat that would have been lovely had they left the oven hours sooner). Nonetheless, the corn and green beans and dressing and cranberry sauce more than made up for the sawdust main courses.

I have been having awful headaches as of late. I am attributing them to a combo of three things: Pollen, my need of a chiropractic appointment, and a change in diet.

Pollen, as you remember from me bitching about it last year (or if you don't just assume I did- it took weeks for me to rant about it, let's not revisit) is the bain of my existence. I am allergic to pine and grass pollen. My front yard is a couple acres of grass and 12 pine trees... Seeing the problem now?

I need to go to the chiropractor, but I keep putting it off. There are a lot more fun things to do in life- like blog and chat with my peeps- than take 30 minutes and go see the young hot guy who pops my spine and manupilates my body in all sorts of odd positions, leaving me breathless and relaxed. Damn, I just talked myself into making an appoinment with him!

Change of diet... I've kinda been tweaking my daily grindage here and there to incorporate more good stuff. Well, if you count the Big Mac I ate today (and the fries and the sweet tea) as good stuff. Truly though, less vino for me (I'm down to my last 1/4 of a glass- goodbye for a while old friend), more fresh fruits and veggies, and a mix of high protein and low fat meat and dairy items. What's prompted the change you ask? Well, it's complicated. The most simple answer I can give at this time is that I need to treat my body more like a temple and less like the city dump. 'Nuff said!

--The Milk Maid says Dole can suck it like a milkshake!


Easter Jokes

Q. Why did the rabbit call the gynocologist?
A. She thought she had a yeaster infection!


Q. What did the egg day to the pot of boiling water?
A. It may take a while for me to get hard, I just got laid yesterday!


Friday Mo-Photo



File these under "Reasons to wean an 18 month old".

Tagged Again Mish-Mash

Because I am a glutton for punishment nice person I allowed K to tag me for a 6 Word Memoir.

The Six Word Memoir rules are:
1. Write your own six word memoir.
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like.
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post.
4. Tag six more blogs with links. (I'm not tagging anybody- if you want to play then have at it)
5. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

And the 6 Word Memoir for me:

One step forward, three steps back.

Here are a few that didn't make the cut (all for fun of course):

* Hey I got tagged for something!
* Trapped in my thoughts, release me.
* Kidneys and babies don't mix fuckers.
* Everyday is stupid groundhog day, again.
* My head is in my ass.

Enlightened yet?

--The Milk Maid says please release me, let me go!


Requesting Permission For A Fly By

This week has most certainly gone by too quickly! I am trying to think back over the past few days and everything is a blur. It's hard to believe Monday was the last day of classes for a while. And that K was here just a few days ago. And that I was in Houston with my peeps before that!

Without the internet I had a lot of time to think. A lot. Too much time, in fact! I sort of had an epiphany this week regarding Big J and The Kidneys (still not a tribute band, sorrowfully). I am to the point where a) I am not giving up on the diagnosis being wrong and there being a clear path out of Transplantville, b) Even if the diagnosis is correct, there are tons of people who have had kidney transplants and are just fine- downright frollicky even- that lead normal, happy lives (Hi Mark and Tammy!), and c) We've made it this far together- through lots of thick and thin, ups and downs, and things that were more devastating than having surgery for the second most commonly transplanted organ. We're a team. I guess I just have to put on my big girl panties and deal with being the Team Leader for a while.

I guess basically, in my own little mind (perhaps little isn't the adjective I want to use, let's replace that with vast expanse of open space in which to roll in my own thoughts kind of mind) I've come to a place that is as close to peace as I will get with this whole kidney crap. I've grown as a person, and the adultness of it all makes me want to bathe. In bleach. BB- may I borrow a jug from you? Danke!

On to greener pastures: It's a quiet day at the humble abode. My mom is watching Ava for the morning while I'm out running errands. See me-- I'm out. Running. Errands! I'm at the bank now. Next I'm taking dry cleaning. I'm singing the Let's Do The Time Warp Again song too as I bend the space-time continuum.

I had a super hunky cable repairman come by yesterday. Hot people. I mean HAWT! I wanted to lick his perfectly perky pectorals kind of hot. He even sat down on my bed (the receiver is in the bedroom, no I didn't lure him there I swear!) while trying to get a signal (that isn't perverted-speak for anything) on the converter box (I'm digging a hole for myself aren't I?). Ok, I come clean (don't go there with that phrase)... He actually leaned back and propped himself on one elbow on MY BED as he was chatting with me about my satellite dish.

Yep, he pretty much looked like this:


If I was a single woman, man-o-man, the things I could do to a boy like that. Jef laughed at me as I told him this story- I think he knows perfectly well what I would have done *wink*!

--The Milk Maid is off to take a cold shower.


Mememememememe. Me.

I finally have internet again. Damn that stupid tornado and all it's hail! You may now put down your maps and flashlights and stop hunting for me. Oh- I kid, please miss me when I am gone. It gives me a reason to live belong!

Thanks Bitchy Becky from over yonder at Mommy Wants Vodka for tagging me for my 9-trillionth Meme.

The rules go something like this:1) Link to the person who tagged you. 2) Post the rules. 3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself. 4) Tag at least three people. 5) Be sure the people you tagged KNOW you tagged them by commenting what you did.

Six (MORE) Random MeMe Facts:

1. I am very particular about how the sheets get tucked into the foot of the bed when I am putting on clean sheets. VERY. PARTICULAR. Like, so particular that no one besides me can ever do it right. Ever.

2. I used to always read the last page of a book before I read any thing else in the book. It was something to look forward to- see how all the events panned out. I think this quirk has turned me into some sort of super book/movie ending-guesser-sleuth. I figured out the endings to The Sixth Sense, The Others, and a whole other load of movies within the first few scenes. I have stopped reading the end of the book now, because- well... I might want to read the whole darn thing.

3. I would love to go to a nude beach! Not just topless, but completely nude. I'd be the one hiding in the dunes with the camera, mind you.

4. My fourth grade teacher told me something I've never forgotten... "Don't change for the world. Make the world change for you!". I've always tried to live by that saying.

5. I used to be very shy. I hear you giggling, stop it! I was very shy- to the point I wouldn't order for myself in a restaurant until I was 17 or 18! I still hate talking to people I don't know on the phone. It makes me break out in a cold sweat to order pizza over the phone. Yes, seriously!

6. I am out of meme's!

--The Milk Maid says she's too cool to tag


We're Not In Downtown Atlanta Any More, Toto

Gotta love this weather around the ATL as of late, huh? We got heavy rain, high wind, and tons of pea to golf ball size hail on Saturday (K, I'm so glad you got out of here when you did! I miss you, but you are much safer in TX!). I'd love to show you a bunch of photos of the hail and damage around here (which was pretty minimal) but the lightening- did I mention the lightning?- decided to zap my good computer, the monitor to this computer (everything is green and shades of purplish-white), my surround sound system, the HD-receiver in the bedroom and a few other things. Luckily, I think most everything is salvageable or repairable.

The scary part came after I had been looking outside the french doors into the back yard as the hail started coming down and I started walking away from the doors while telling Jef to get Ava to the basement. A huge boom-pop sound deafened me. Jef said he saw a flash of light from right outside, and I could feel static on my back. I had walked away inches from the spot from where the lightning had struck. That was way too close for comfort.

Today was my Med Term final exam- I made a rip-roaring 97! I'm glad to have a 2 week break between classes. I have lots of books to read (ahem- K- someone owes me a reading list!) and lots to do around the house.

Hope everyone is having a happy St. Patricks Day!

--The Milk Maid wonders how much food coloring it would take to make her have green breast milk!


The I Almost Forgot It Was Friday Mish-Mash

Today feels like Tuesday people! I have been so off this week. I blame it on not having school Wednesday. My final exam in Med Term is Monday- I'm ready to get it over and done with!

In other news: Our new Tar.get opened this week! Whoooo! This thing is huge AND it has a Star.bucks! Or maybe the Star has a Tar.get? They are both so equally huge, I couldn't decide.

I am picking up K this afternoon at her hotel in Atlanta and stealing her away from her teacher conference duties for the rest of the day! As most of you will recall (rather hazily for some of you) K was part of the gathering had in Houston last weekend. I'm sure our evening will consist of just chilling out and chatting B up on the cell phone! B- I promise to return your gal to ya safe and sound sometime tomorrow. Big J will be at the helm to get her to the airport safely and on time, so she's in good hands all around!

The Great Baby Discussion of 2008 has flared up again. Pending a couple of details, we might be putting our TTC hats on sooner rather than later. Details are to follow, of course. However, seeing that my ovaries and uterus are very shy (I feel them blushing now) the ins and outs blow by blow comings and goings happenings will be kept mostly under wraps on this blog. I've got a dedicated site in the works, and as soon as the place is spiffied up I'll call everyone in for the ribbon cutting ceremony!

Not a lot else is going on around the humble abode gang- I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

--The Milk Maid says she keeps her book by Mimi Smartypants on top of a stun gun and she uses these little cheap eyeglasses to see the fine print!


We'll Call This One Breakfast Sex

Monday night Jef and I went to bed around 10:30. We were still pretty tired from our weekend trip, however there was a definately opportunity to sneak in a dab of quickie sex so I pounced (literally!) on the opportunity.

As I am a woman who will go to great lengths to please her man I shimmied under the covers to participate in what B would call "Steak and BJ Night"... minus the steak. It was about that time I got a whiff of maple syrup.

Maple syrup? I said to myself as I, well- um, did what I was down there for. Why would Mr. Peeps smell like a pancake? I contemplated this riddle while doing my bidnez and I remembered a blog Becky had written about breast milk and how all her frozen stash of boob-juice smelled like maple syrup (sorry Becky, but yes I did think of you and your boobs while engaged in a sexual act-- Guess that makes me Uncle Pervy?). The odor was due to the fact she was taking a supplement called Fenugreek (which wreaks of syrupy goodness). Clarity! Jef is taking a heart health supplement and it contains fenugreek!

It brings a new meaning to the words "flap jack" doesn't it?

--The Milk Maid says damn I can't believe I blogged that!
At least we weren't doing this on Coaster furniture.


Things You Already Know

Everyone (I'm certain by this point) can pretty much deduce how much fun was had at MAMU. It was all the rage, but with none of the embarrassment of parachute pants, 90's bangs, or waking up with a tattoo of Jack Black on your ass!

There was one thing I didn't expect (well, other than not expecting to meet and LOVE close to 20 women with all my heart and soul... I knew I'd have fun, but damn- I LOVE you gals... and Debbie that's love like "I love you man" not like "I love you man, let's grab tatas more often". Although it was fun!).

Anywho, back on track here...

I didn't expect to wake up this morning, post-adrenaline rush and stone cold sober- and miss everyone like I have. I felt like I'd gone home in a way, and when B threw us out on the curb at the airport (um, I don't think she does goodbye all that well- but neither do I) I found myself not wanting to leave. Houston was great. There was a certain familiarity to it all. B&K welcomed me to their HOME, not just a house. And K, it's totally bigger than a FEMA trailer- sheish!

I was weepy this morning as I was getting dressed for school. My new found BFF and all my other peeps were far, far away. It was just me, here, all by myself. No friends. I guess I could always call my stalker. Nahh.

Who'd have thought that through the internet I'd find friendship like I have.

As B would probably say, "You're a dork".

--The Milk Maid says I have no bird, I have no bush!
Georgia land for sale ... how fitting!


6 Years Ago Today

Jef asked me to marry him 6 years ago today... This is a little something for him:

Before we dated we were friends... This is mid-2000


October 5th- 2002

Everytime I look at your face I am overcome with the emotion and the knowing that you are my true love. It doesn't matter what the weather is doing or how my day is going, because when I look into your bright blue eyes it all just melts away. I have no worries, no fear, no uncertainty of what tomorrow will bring.


September 19th, 2007

I find myself memorizing your features- the way your lips curl, the way your eyes dance and the way those tiny lines around your eyes squint up when you tell a story. The very way you tell a story gives me unimaginable pleasure.


Jef ... Back in the 70's

I can see you in the stories you share with me- swinging from a vine over the lake, riding a motorcycle, flying on a plane to Germany at age 9, peddling your bicycle down Black Car Trail- I can see it all. Your memories are my memories. Your being has become my being. Through proxy, your soul is now my soul. I have gathered an amount of purity from you because of this simple fact. I can slow down and see the world. I can be in the moment, and still living my life and moving forward with you.


Cozumel, 2007

For us there was a literal beginning to our relationship, even when it seems as though time has always just been eternal for us. There are no permanent boundaries. There are no marker lines. It simpy IS. It's all in the now, or the just now. It doesn't seem like there are years and years that have passed and our lives congruent. It's continous. It has flow and rythm and light. It reminds me of dancing barefoot in the grass, spinning until I fall down, then laughing until I lose my breath.

me and big j

This photo (my blogger face) was taken February 10, 2001, at the top of our driveway. One of my favorite photos of us ever!

I worry a lot about you, about your health, about the day that- inevitably- I will have to tell you goodbye for a very long time until I can make the journey into the next life with you. I know we are still young, and it's not like death is around the corner, but as fast as the time we've shared has gone so far, I can only imagine how quickly the rest will tick by us without our knowing.


Jef and Ava in B&K's front yard this past weekend.

I want you to know, my Jeffie, that you are everything to me that I have ever wanted, needed, and desired. You are that, and so much more. Words cannot convey the emotion that swells in my heart at the mere thought of you. Simply by your existance I have become a more complete person. A person I never thought I'd be. A person I never thought I would be worthy of being. You've taught me the value of self-worth. You have opened my eyes and helped me see how beautiful and creative and smart I am. You have challenged me to become bigger, better, and faster in whatever I decide to do. Thank you for all of that, and thank you now for everything more I will learn as we continue to grow.


Moments after Ava was born- September 19, 2006.

I love to hear you tell me how proud you are of me... Proud for going back to school and doing well, for carrying and giving life to our daughter, for being a strong woman who wont give up in the face of adversity. I should be the one telling you how proud I am. YOU made me strong. YOU made me resillient. YOU, baby. It's all you.

For me, it's most definately all you.


My smiling guy!

Thank you for asking me to be your wife 6 years ago today.

--The Milk Maid says I love you Big J


Pose it up ! Lubs you hummy bades!

Told You So!

I told you B and I would be doing this at MAMU:

aradia and brandi

I don't recall the last time I laughed so hard or drank so much. And to be quite honest, I'm not sure if I did more laughing or imbibing of frosty cool beverages! Either way, I'm glad to have met all the wonderful ladies at MAMU!

There will be a full post later, as I am (much like K and probably a few others) still nursing a wee bit of a hangover!

I will leave you with this tidbit though:

The key to Med Term test success (which I had a 2 chapter test this very morning) is to travel with a cranky toddler, spend your whole weekend futzing around with some kick-ass ladies, drunk dial a few peeps, pass out at a rather late time, get up 2 hours later to travel back home, then study for about and hour all so you can say, "I made a 100 on my genitourinary system and female reproductive system test today!"... And your best friend can call you a dork or a bitch or something like that.

--The Milk Maid says this one is for you Tracey (and all your clear parts!)

Overstock coupons


MAMU Friday Mish-Mash

Hi-Ho peeps! In a few short hours a band of miscreants friends will converge on the city of Houston. I'm glad to be a part of the fray group, and for the faces (or images that represent faces for some of you) that will be missing- well, if we have your phone number we will most certainly drunk dial call you! If we don't have your digits, rest assured you will be with us in spirit!

I can only imagine the scene at the airport when B pulls up in her ghetto jeep (her words, not mine) and the faces of the crowd as she holds up a sign with our last name on it... wearing a Santa suit (or maybe she went for the Easter Bunny costume?)... I grab my jet black wig from my carry on bag, slap on some Paris Hilton style sunglasses that cover most of my head and we zoom towards a weekend of fun!

But first, I think we will stop and take the time to bond. We've become so close, and now we finally meet. In my mind the scene will look something like this:


--The Milk Maid says party on Wayne!

HDMI sounds like fun!


Busy Thursday

I have finally gotten the gang packed up for our Houston Adventure. Well, I'm going to admit it-- only because B will call me out on this if I don't-- I had us mostly packed yesterday. And then I unpacked us. And repacked us. And unpacked us again this morning.

Obsessive compulsive packer you say? Yes. I am. Plus I bought a bunch of stuff on sale (like 80% off kinda sale!) at Ko.hls this morning. Did I need 7 new dressy t-shirts? No, but at $4 or less each, I couldn't resist. I did need a pair of blue jeans, and I found a perfect pair for $8!! I love shopping trips like that. They are way too far in between for me!

Ava and I had a great breakfast this morning. It wasn't the location (that place where the cows say "eat more chicken") but just how much fun she was! She ate half of my eggs, half a biscuit, and drank oj through a straw. We went shopping afterwards, and I think the big ol' meal made her sleepy. She behaved through my rounds at The Wally picking up a few last minute things, and also through our marathon trip at Ko.hls. We dropped dry cleaning, got Jef's bp meds refilled, and did a few more things before coming home. She collapsed into slumber shortly thereafter.

Well gang, I guess this is it until tomorrow's Friday Mish-Mash... To bide your time and keep your brain running strong here's an article on cerebral palsy symptoms.

--The Milk Maid says I'm locking the luggage and hiding the key-- One day til Houston!


Things I Keep Forgetting...

There is a growing list of things I am forgetting to blog about. Here's what you have missed out on so far:

--Just how much liquid will a size 4 Pampers diaper hold? Well, according to a new study done by the Ava Institue For Throwing Stuff In The Potty When No One Is Looking (AIFTSITPWNOOIL for short) they will hold most of the water in the toilet bowl and an audible sluuurp can be heard from the next room as the diaper saps every last drop it can hold.

--Sprite cans will not flush down a toilet.

--Neither will plastic coffee lids.

--A toddler will pee all over your bedding if you forget to bring a diaper with you to a changing session and you have to go back and hunt one.

--To keep balance in the universe, for every one molar a 10 year old pulls, a toddler will cut three molars. All at once. On the same day.

--It is entirely possible for a toddler to shit her pants full, be changed, and repeat the poop-process all over again within 5 minutes. Four times in a row.

--My mother tried to have a meaningful conversation with me the other day. She could tell I'd been a little weepy, so she proceeded to yell at me until I told her what was wrong. Then she laughed at me. Then I called her a bitch. Then we got over it and she offered me a sandwich. I think this falls under the category of "progress".

--They have a Snickers Bar frozen cake at our local grocery store. I'm very glad I had a hair appointment and NO freezer in my car on the day I discovered this fact.

--When a doberman doesn't want to be held by the collar and walked to his destination (crate, backyard, car- wherever) he will start hopping on his back legs like a giant, gangly kangaroo.

--Apparantly "sexy milk maids" is a popular search term to find me. Other popular terms include the words: Free boob photos, milk sex, adult baby nursing, the ever popular eating my sister's/mother's/cousin's passy, and my dog ain't nursin' her pups. I can't wait to see how much I get googled tomorrow from that! I really must be doing a lot of this hot naked free steamy porn stuff wrong.


--The Milk Maid lives dangerously on the edge. An edge very close to the ground, mind you, but still an edge.

Welcome To All B, All The Time!

If you aren't sure who this B character is that I keep blabbering about, then you've either been under a rock for a year OR this is the first time EVER you have read this blog. Because goodness knows, I can yammer on and on about my pal B!

I remember vaguely how we "met". It was via the blogs of course (where the hell else do you find friends?) and had something to do with bitch shoes and all that stuff. Long story short, I've become such good friends with B that the following now happens:

  • My inbox is always full, as is hers, because we chat all day long via email.
  • I've recently had to up my minutes on my cell phone plan (cough*double them*cough)because when we aren't emailing we are ringing the other one up.
  • I constantly get her into trouble via my text message replies.
  • I actually get to meet my pal B this weekend!

If you didn't know already, today is B's 35th birthday (or the 2nd anniversary of her 17 and a half birthday)! Happy birthday B! Everyone go give that girl some bird-day lurve!

I was going to share a really funny story about me and B, but I've either been sworn to secrecy, would need to plead the 5th in a court of law, or B would shank me if I did-- so this birthday story in rhyme will have to suffice:

There once was a Ninja Pirate Mobster Gang Member named Brandi.

The bra she should have worn that day would have come in quite handy

When about the town she ran, complete with knife in hand

Trying to shank a skank.


Road rage, yes she has it-

Some of us see it as quite fantastic!

Flicking her drink on movie patrons,

Getting harassed in hair salons by old matrons,

That's our B and we like it!

Happy Birthday B!!!

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New Hair Monday

I got tired of my plain do. I've been edging towards something fun and funky for a while, but I had not found that "it" I was looking for. Until the other day...

So, I went and got a little jazz to the old tresses today!

New hair

My mother, being the saintly and kind hearted person she is (insert lightning strike here), could only manage a, "Well did you mean to do that?" as she pointed at me like I was from another planet. Dad did his usual routine of saying nothing.

Anyone interested in two slightly used, highly moody parents?
--The Milk Maid says money can't buy you love, but it sure can help finance lust!