My boobs were my tools of the trade for almost 20 months.

Once my youngest daughter weaned herself from the Magical Boob Juice, the fun really began!

(And by fun we all know I mean chaos!)

Pull up a chair, sit a while, read a few pages.

Keep and open mind and a joyful heart and you too can get pumped into the world of The Milk Maid.


Things I Keep Forgetting...

There is a growing list of things I am forgetting to blog about. Here's what you have missed out on so far:

--Just how much liquid will a size 4 Pampers diaper hold? Well, according to a new study done by the Ava Institue For Throwing Stuff In The Potty When No One Is Looking (AIFTSITPWNOOIL for short) they will hold most of the water in the toilet bowl and an audible sluuurp can be heard from the next room as the diaper saps every last drop it can hold.

--Sprite cans will not flush down a toilet.

--Neither will plastic coffee lids.

--A toddler will pee all over your bedding if you forget to bring a diaper with you to a changing session and you have to go back and hunt one.

--To keep balance in the universe, for every one molar a 10 year old pulls, a toddler will cut three molars. All at once. On the same day.

--It is entirely possible for a toddler to shit her pants full, be changed, and repeat the poop-process all over again within 5 minutes. Four times in a row.

--My mother tried to have a meaningful conversation with me the other day. She could tell I'd been a little weepy, so she proceeded to yell at me until I told her what was wrong. Then she laughed at me. Then I called her a bitch. Then we got over it and she offered me a sandwich. I think this falls under the category of "progress".

--They have a Snickers Bar frozen cake at our local grocery store. I'm very glad I had a hair appointment and NO freezer in my car on the day I discovered this fact.

--When a doberman doesn't want to be held by the collar and walked to his destination (crate, backyard, car- wherever) he will start hopping on his back legs like a giant, gangly kangaroo.

--Apparantly "sexy milk maids" is a popular search term to find me. Other popular terms include the words: Free boob photos, milk sex, adult baby nursing, the ever popular eating my sister's/mother's/cousin's passy, and my dog ain't nursin' her pups. I can't wait to see how much I get googled tomorrow from that! I really must be doing a lot of this hot naked free steamy porn stuff wrong.


--The Milk Maid lives dangerously on the edge. An edge very close to the ground, mind you, but still an edge.


singletracey said...

HAHAH... happy humpday.. smooches and all that jazz.

themotherhen said...

HA! My google search results are things like "how to build a henhouse" nothing fun at all maybe I need to spice up my posts a little. Maybe use the word boob or naked more!

B said...

HA HA HA HAH....umm, I just fixed the dang toilet..keep Ava away from it this weekend, K? You are a goober.

B said...
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my cowgirl alter-ego said...

hmm. so we'll watch ava with an eagle eye this weekend, eh?

and people are gross! i'd stay away from the searches!

twondra said...

So cute. :)

Dory said...

OK, 1 - That mother/daughter exchange made me LOL bcus it reminded me of my mother/daughter relationship and B - My JRT does that!!!

RainbowMomma said...

I may not make ti here as often as I would like, when I do, I think, "HeeHee! She's still funny as ever."

I am going to keep a lookout for a doberman kangaroo.

Becky said...

Bwahahahahaha! I love the diaper thingy, they always freaking do that, don't they?

babybound said...

Wow. Good to know.