My boobs were my tools of the trade for almost 20 months.

Once my youngest daughter weaned herself from the Magical Boob Juice, the fun really began!

(And by fun we all know I mean chaos!)

Pull up a chair, sit a while, read a few pages.

Keep and open mind and a joyful heart and you too can get pumped into the world of The Milk Maid.



I was tagged by onemorebaby!

The rules for this award:

1) Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.

And here they are:

  1. Baby Bound

  2. Baby Steps For Maatman

  3. Baby Franklin Journey

  4. Baby Steps

  5. Doran's World

  6. Dory

  7. From Here To Maternity

(They are the 1st 7 from my blog roll, in case you were curious! Everyone is welcome to join in the fun!)

2) Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Scrap.”

Here's the Honest Scrap Prize- come, click to save, and link if you so desire!

3) List at least 10 honest things about yourself.
  1. I love hot wings.... I want them spicy, but not so spicy that I can't taste the good buttery, wingy, hot sauced flavor!
  2. I was sent to speech therapy for 6 months when I was in 1st grade because I had trouble saying my S's and T's. I also had only 2 of my 8 front teeth at the time (the two bottom middle teeth only) so that MIGHT have had something to do with it. I've been paranoid ever since then about how I sound when I speak.
  3. I am a picker- I pick scabs and zits and wild hairs at will. On everyone. Just ask Jef. I am a monster...
  4. I had always said from middle school age into early adulthood that I wanted 4 or 5 kids (maybe more). I think 3 will be enough... although I thought 2 would be plenty after Ava was born. Heeeheehee!
  5. I love to play sports but not watch them
  6. I am an early riser who can sleep late, but has been conditioned otherwise.
  7. I could totally eat some tuna and salmon shashimi right now.
  8. I have a photo of my best Pal B on my computer table. It's from about a year ago at a place (or gathering) called MAMU. It's one of my fave pics of us!
  9. I have kept dried flowers from arrangements I've received over the years for approximately 15 years now.
  10. I repierced my belly button the other night. By myself. With my own personal stash of piercing needles that I got on the famous online auction site. No, it didn't hurt. It was only the 7th ot 8th time I've repierced it.

The Milk Maid says the devil is in the details


Friday Mish-Mash, The Return

It's been too damn long since I Mish-Mashed people!

My Pal B called me as I was doing the Flight Of The Bumble Bee Clean Up Dance around my house. Needless to say, if I don't have the time for blogging I sure as hell don't have the time to clean house. Anyways, Faith's friend Baileigh* came to spend the night. Seeing as how my children tend to keep their own agenda like the tiny rock stars they think they are, when the idea of Faith going to Baileigh's house to spend the night came up (you know, while I was slammed at work, my dad was watching the girls at the local inflatable bouncy play place, and in general there was a screw loose somewhere in the cosmos) it sounded like a fine idea to me.

*Baileigh is a better name than Courtennay, but still get's minus 2 points for too many letters and minus 5 points for looking just plain weird. Sorry if this is your kid's name- remember my mind is simple and so are my kids names. I know what MY name is- shut it. At least my name isn't "Siren H00ker"- long story, true story, maybe next blog I'll elaborate.

Lo and behold (isn't that always a phrase used to precursor something completely shitty happening?) there was a hitch. Baileigh's mom was going to come to My House to pick up the girls.

My House people. The house that hasn't been cleaned properly (well except for the Seasoned Salt incident) in... well, longer than I'm willing to admit. I plead the Fifth (and I considered drinking one too).

So, as I was throwing clothes and junk in closets cleaning the phone rings and it's B. Chaos echoed through the background as Faith, Baileigh, and Ava (and later on Zeus and Chip) all collaborated to ensure the decibel level in The Casa De Leche was hovering somewhere around the range the Concord would have made (or to be more realistic, at least as loud as Jef used to snore). In this conversation B suggested a glass of wine.

My only question was how to get the children to drink it and not complain about the taste.

--The Milk Maid says a bird in the hand will only dook on you.


A Thought On Marriage

I sent a text to Big J and told him I had, oh how did I phrase it exactly...

"I have a mother fucking headache from hell!"

This statement, in all it's crude and brazen glory, was followed by the traditional moaning and whining of a tired woman who'd spent her day off getting very little day off.

His response was, "Take an aspirin".

I wanted to tell him something to the effect of Ooooh thank you Helpy Helperton, [insert deep Southern drawl here] I would have never figured that one out all by my little ol' self!

In actuality I said "thanks babe" and knew that deep on his heart he really just wanted me, his crazy menstrual-cycle laden wife who currently has the stress level of a hamster on fire, to feel better.

--The Milk Maid says this is what makes her such a fantastic spouse.


Things The Little People Have Taught Me

If you were to ask me, The Milk Maid, the easiest way to remove a WHOLE BOTTLE of Seasoned Salt from your tile kitchen floors, do you know how I would respond?

I would tell to forget sweeping or vacuuming or mopping. Yeah- completely forget all that hard stuff.

The best way to remove a WHOLE BOTTLE of Seasoned Salt from your tile kitchen floor is to walk all over the floor, then bathe your feet.

This Casa De Leche Tip was brought to you by Ava the Toddler, McCormick, and a very hot footed Milk Maid.

--The Milk Maid says if she and the Milk Man were into toe sucking, now would SO be the time.