My boobs were my tools of the trade for almost 20 months.

Once my youngest daughter weaned herself from the Magical Boob Juice, the fun really began!

(And by fun we all know I mean chaos!)

Pull up a chair, sit a while, read a few pages.

Keep and open mind and a joyful heart and you too can get pumped into the world of The Milk Maid.



A:What should I blog about?

J:What have you done exciting?

A: I bought vegetables.


So today is a bit of a slow blogging day... obviously. I guess I will do a stream of consciousness blog- meaning as I think about it I will tell you about it. I know, way too deep into the depths of my psyche.

I did buy veggies today-- at our local produce guy's place- Mr. Hulsey's Store. I got 2 bundles of green onions for 88 cents, maters, fresh corn on the cob, and a little candy for Faith. This old woman was piling her produce in a basket that was still on the rack on top of the other baskets. Meaning I was toting a heavy baby and a few bags of veggies because dipweed wouldn't be considerate and move her sh*t.

I called a speeding lady in a Mercedes on her cell phone a b*tch. In front of my kids. Faith didn't notice. I have driving-turrets.

Faith calls Mr. Hulsey Mr. Kelso. I'm still not sure why.

Faith asked me (out of the blue) what "idiosyncrasy" meant. I blanked. I need to prepare when I am to be tested on definitions of words I use very rarely.

I like these words: sublimation, nomenclature, sporadic, oblivious, and peculiar.

I was dead-set on being a journalist when I was in high school. My English teacher fully expected me to win the Pulitzer. I decided to marry an idiot instead and forfeit my FULL college scholarship to Swanky U. But I'm ok with that... I am going to be a phlebotomist one day. I have the desire to poke people and remove their blood. Legally. I said poke! Hehe! As we say around here (vagly sure as to why) "Poke it, poke it, let it rain!".

Oooh Vampire Attorney!

Jef has a problem. He farts- a lot. I only share this because the people he works with constantly inquire if I feed him nothing but cabbage and broccoli. No, I assure them. I do not. I suffer too! The said smell is reminiscent of charcoal. Burnt up charcoal. With undertones of sulphur. Wet sulphur. He just read this and recommended I add wet to the charcoal analogy part too.

I bought a comforter today at Kohls. Mine bit the wing-wong. That means it crapped out, foofed out, died. All the batting was at the foot of the bed, in a wad. All my coldness was at the top. I got it 80% off, plus an additional 15%!! Rock on.

My high school nickname was Shakespeare. Spere for short.

I enjoyed my mother's day champagne with Big J tonite. I keep my Moet and Chandon in a pretty cabinet. We will rock you, because we are the champions. Hi, I am a fat bottomed girl. I make the world go 'round.

Perhaps we will christen the new comforter. Perhaps I will threaten removal of food again.

-- Milk Maid says if I'm not here this time tomorrow... carry on, carry on!
(Bismillah! We will not let you go - let him go!)


B and K said...

I have these blogging days too... stream on! k

Supermom said...

You so crack me up. To the point that food falls out of my mouth because I am laughing so hard. Jef is a good sport for letting you blog about his smelly charcoal farts!

meg said...

you are too funny girl. I love your blogs even when they are about farts and comforters!

Michell said...

You are funny. And I was a phlebotomist once, I loved it. I got to go all over the hospital and talk to people and if they pissed me off I was still going to poke them.