My boobs were my tools of the trade for almost 20 months.

Once my youngest daughter weaned herself from the Magical Boob Juice, the fun really began!

(And by fun we all know I mean chaos!)

Pull up a chair, sit a while, read a few pages.

Keep and open mind and a joyful heart and you too can get pumped into the world of The Milk Maid.


11/15/07

Daily Footwear

I awoke to yet another sticky-headed barf-baby this morning. Nothing says Good Morning like stomach bile and crackers, yo!

After taking Faith to school I called the pediatrician's office and spoke to the nurse on call. Apparently, a week long cold followed by 5 days of the shits and then 36 hours of vomit do not constitute an emergency. Or an office visit. Nor would they even recommend anything besides "clear liquids and Pedi*Lite". The nurse was like, "Well stuff is going around. If it gets worse then we might can see her, but it's probably just a little bug and you shouldn't worry."

Did she just give me snark?....

Now I know that mother's tend to get all feisty and worked up over small things when their children are "sick". You know the mom's that as soon as Junior sneezes they rush him to the ER and have a billions tests run, never mind the fact that he's been playing in black pepper for cripes sakes. Yeah, those mom's are my Nemesis. My Achilles heel. They are the moms that cause people with real problems to get the old ho-hum answer of give it a few more days.

...Needless to say, I dusted off my Bitch Shoes and walked all over nurse so-and-so's smart ass with them. I still didn't get an appointment (probably because I hung up on her), but I sure felt a hell of a lot better about the whole deal. I will give the puke-a-thon a few more hours (so far, so good since breakfast) and take her to another doctor or the Quick Care if need be.

And while I'm wearing my favorite footwear...

Do any of you read the Because I Said So blog? You know, the e-bay mom with 6 kids who is now an overnight sensation because of a pack of Pokemon cards and a funny story that sold said pack of cards for some insane amount like $200. She has a book deal now. Which is great and all but (if you like her please stop reading now)...

She really isn't that funny.

There, I said it. Now keep in mind that I do read her every few days and I understand that she is keeping all her "good" material for the books she is writing. And I know I should not be the one throwing stones since half the stuff I write either is a) not all that funny or b) about sex. But I just keep thinking to myself, "Self- see what that semi-funny woman did. You can do that too, Self. Plus you have Bitch Shoes, snark, and you are in a gang!"

If someone finds a Muse out there, I seem to be missing one.

--The Milk Maid says mecka-lecka-hi-mecka-hiney-ho!

(PS- home gym equipment)

10 comments:

Kelly said...

All I can do is chuckle...

B said...

You know..she writes okay..but..nope..didn't get one chuckle out of me. Is my sense of humor broken?

Milk Maid said...

Nope B- your humor is well intact!She's just a lucky doofus.

B said...

Whew, glad it's not broken. Sometimes, that's all I have. : )

Marcy "meg" said...

All I know is you are HILARIOUS and you always make me laugh. I don't read that other person... but I have my doubts she is anywhere close to you in funny.

I hope miss Ava feels better.

How is little Zues?

Ethansmama said...

Why does she write a blog, if all her "funny" stuff is going in a book I have to "pay" for. I didn't read her before, but I know lots of bloggers including you who are way more real and funny.

Deena said...

I always get a chuckle from your blog. And now I won't even bother to waste my time reading her un-funny blog!!!

Hope Ava feels better soon!

And we DO need an update on Zeus!!!

kittenroar5 said...

I love the days when I get both bitch shoes and snark. It's like a happy meal with a surprise inside!

So how is Ava now? Any more vomits?

Michell said...

Yes, bitch shoes and snark are a good thing. Hope that Ava is feeling better but if you need to there is always doc in a box. And I think you're funny. Always make me laugh

Heather said...

You should write you a book too!!! Go Girl!