My boobs were my tools of the trade for almost 20 months.

Once my youngest daughter weaned herself from the Magical Boob Juice, the fun really began!

(And by fun we all know I mean chaos!)

Pull up a chair, sit a while, read a few pages.

Keep and open mind and a joyful heart and you too can get pumped into the world of The Milk Maid.


Talkin 'Bout SEX!

Can someone tell me on what channel the infomercial for THIS is being shown?

I feel like I've missed out on some really important information here peeps. My goodness, a whole book devoted to sex techniques. Well, more than one book, seeing as this is the advanced technique book. I wonder... Do you have to take a test to graduate from beginner level to the advanced? Can you take a placement exam to skip the first book and move right into the hard to master positions? Where do I sign up to help do research for the 3rd installment?

The funny part is that I was looking for 'stripped screw removal' when I stumbled blindly into the hidden realms of As Seen on TV soft-porn.

Father's Day will be upon us soon, and if anyone can tear something up it's my dad. They make a tool that rebores the head of the screw so you can get it out without too much muss and fuss. So, being a good daughter (who doesn't want her crap torn up worse when dear old dad comes to help) I went internet shopping.

Did anyone else notice all the product recommendations at the bottom of the page? Dr. Ruth is promoting a very scary looking vibe*, Jenna is touting her hoo-hoo trimmer, there is a Jolie personal massager (not endorsed by Angelina, sorry!), and other various "happy time" products. That is until you get to the last 3 items: A Digi Draw, a Vinyl and Leather repair kit, and a Smart Spin food storage unit.

*Original wording of sentence was "Dr. Ruth is plugging her very scary looking vibe". Eewww!

Now, I can completely draw the logical conclusion that people who are into advanced sexual positions also need vinyl and leather repair. You are free to make your own mental picture of that one. Also, it's not a huge stretch that upon reading your advanced sexual position book or using any of the other wonderful little products they offer that you might free your muse and feel the need to draw something, hence the digi draw (new slogan: It frees the perverted artist in you!). The third item- the Smart Spin food containers- now that's a little harder for me to wrap my mind around. I own a set of these lovely containers, and I have never been compelled to use them in any manner inconsistent with their labeling. Perhaps I am missing some connection here. Oh- I get it... must be for dividing up the bucket of lube that Walgreens sells for easy use!

--Milk Maid says she frees the perverted artist in YOU!


Anonymous said...

I am literally laughing out loud and almost in tears! You are hysterical! Thanks for the great pick-me-up!

Supermom said...

I have never seen those commercials, but I have seen them in the back of magazines. Mike and I laugh at those all the time.

Supermom said...

Oh I did go into my sons room last year and his friend had drawn a penis on the wall. I hope it wasn't "actual" size, poor "little" kid. I wish my son had had a digi draw instead. I made him paint over it.

Candace said...

A, holy moly....I laughed so hard on this post I was snorting....LOL. REALLY have been blessed with an AMAZING sense of Humor!

B and K said...

"The funny part is that I was looking for 'stripped screw removal' when I stumbled blindly into the hidden realms of As Seen on TV soft-porn."

Sure you were.....


B and K said...

Do you ever read Savage Love by Dan Savage on the internet? You can find it on:
I personally guarantee a good laugh or two if you read it. Some of those people shock even ME!

Estella's Moms said...

Dr. Ruth "plugging" her vibe???? That's a good one. LMAO!