My boobs were my tools of the trade for almost 20 months.

Once my youngest daughter weaned herself from the Magical Boob Juice, the fun really began!

(And by fun we all know I mean chaos!)

Pull up a chair, sit a while, read a few pages.

Keep and open mind and a joyful heart and you too can get pumped into the world of The Milk Maid.


Strange Phone Call

The message on my answering machine said:

"Hi, this is So-in-so from the City Hall of Ottawa, Kansas. I am trying to reach you (First Initial, Last Name) in regards to a parking ticket you received on July 17th. We have traced the tag back to you, and would like to speak to you in person regarding this ticket. Responding now to this courtesy call will allow you to pay the small fine of $5 instead of the larger fine of $25. Please mail a check today to..."

First of all I panicked. OMG when did I get a parking ticket?

Then the logical side of my brain say, "Hey you dumbass... you have never been to KANSAS!".

So it's a mistake right? But that fear still lingered. Did someone steal a tag that was mine and go park next to a fire hydrant or something? Do I have a tag on my car now?! I was at the water park in my dad's truck when I checked my messages, so I had to ride for 30 minutes to see that yes, I still have a tag attached to my car. It's the only tag I've ever had in my name, so that really narrowed that down.

I called Mrs. So-in-so. I left Mrs. So-in-so a message saying there must be a mistake, I'd be happy to discuss this with her at her convenience, and then I mentioned that I'd never, ever been to Kansas, but it sounds like a really nice place!

Of course dad had to comment on this. Of course he did, where do you think I learned my snarky ways? What'd he say?... Something to the effect of, "Did you click your red heels and fly off to Kansas and forget about it?"

My response (in my trademarked monotone never-skip-a-beat style):

"The Bitch Shoes don't have magical powers dad."

Oh yeah, and it was all a case of mistaken identity. Seems when you leave the name Aradia on someones machine all they can seem to reply is "Oh, I thought I was calling Ann [Lastname]".

--The Milk Maid says the bitch (shoe) is back with fresh snark.


kittenroar5 said...

Yea for snark! I hope you had a good time at the water park!

kittenroar5 said...

And I disagree. The bitch shoes do have magical powers.

Michell said...

Yay for snarkiness. I love it. That would be a really weird phone call though.

Estella's Moms said...

Good thing you have a unique name. I can only imagine the resulting conversation if your name had been Ann. I'm sure the bitch shoes would have been burning rubber. Hehe

B said...

That would have completely freaked me out. Of course I would have wondered if i HAD relly been in Kansas (drove in my sleep, abducted by aliens).