My boobs were my tools of the trade for almost 20 months.

Once my youngest daughter weaned herself from the Magical Boob Juice, the fun really began!

(And by fun we all know I mean chaos!)

Pull up a chair, sit a while, read a few pages.

Keep and open mind and a joyful heart and you too can get pumped into the world of The Milk Maid.


Bite The Wax Tadpole

In preparation for the cruise, I decided that instead of my usual shave and a haircut (two bits!) I would have my bikini line waxed. I've done this a few times before (once in combination with both legs... before a funeral- just think residual wax and not being able to get off the church pew) so it wasn't too big a deal.

I dropped Ava off with my fantastic aunt Sue, and drove over to the salon. The frazzled yet attractive waxer-woman greeted me, finished with a client (hair cut), and then escorted me back to the tiny waxing room. She told me to take my shorts off and hop on the table. I was a little "eeehh!" at first--No drape?! I thought to myself in a prudish moment. Quickly getting over that- my gawd the woman was about to drizzle hot wax near my cookie- I disrobed and hopped on the table.

And am I the only one who HATES the crunchy paper noise on a table? Anyone? Anyone?

Very quickly, waxer-woman came back in, grabbed a roll on wax applicator, and started yanking out hair left and right. Pretty painless, I was actually kind of distracted trying to see what kind of tattoo she had on her boob when-- RIP(stop)YANK happened. She went to rip the paper and wax off, lost her grip halfway, then yanked again AFTER the wax had somewhat reapplied itself to my tender bits.

Must remain stoic. Must remain stoic. Must remain stoic.

Me: (Monotone with slight hint of sarcasm): "Hey that kinda hurt."
Her: Soo sorry, so so so sorry.
Me: It's cool [my crotch is on fire you hussy!].

--The Milk Maid says if you were wondering about the title of my blog... according to Dave Barry, Coca Cola loosely translates to "Bite The Wax Tadpole" in Chinese.


Michell said...

oh yeah, that sounds uncomfortable. Yikes. I don't know if I could ever do the bikini wax (or God forbid the whole brazillian) as it just sounds so painful. Wow.

Marcy "meg" said...

OUCH... I have never had it done... but I always figured it hurt like no other!

So... was the end result good?

B said...

Cookie huh? I think that should be one of your next blogs. What did you call YOUR cookie while growing up? I too used cookie, but K used tu tu. My mom, sticking with the baking theme, called our boobies "brownies".

I am so excited about your upcoming cruise. I think you guys so need to just get away..and you're going to have a great time. I'll miss ya though sucka!

twondra said...

ouch girl! You've got more guts than I do!

And yes! I hate the crunching sound! :)

Deena said...

Me! Me! I hate the crunchy paper noise! And I also hate it when you get stuck on the paper.

Girl, you never fail to make me giggle out loud. Thanks!

I hope your trip is smashing! Eat and drink plenty for us! We will miss you while you're gone.

singletracey said...

You are so brave... I get my my eyes, lip and chin waxed and I CANNOT image getting my girlie bits touched!! OOOUUUCCHHH

I am sure though that Jef will appreciate the effort you put towards making your garden weed free!! LOL

Heidi Hyde said...

Yeeouch! But worth it, because that was hilarious to read. Thanks for the chuckle.


kittenroar5 said...


That's all I have to say.

Just ow.