My boobs were my tools of the trade for almost 20 months.

Once my youngest daughter weaned herself from the Magical Boob Juice, the fun really began!

(And by fun we all know I mean chaos!)

Pull up a chair, sit a while, read a few pages.

Keep and open mind and a joyful heart and you too can get pumped into the world of The Milk Maid.


I Could Have Sworn I Didn't Dream

I woke up exhausted- even after a full night's sleep. Jef asked me if I'd dreamed and I told him no, I don't remember anything.

Somewhere between dropping Faith off at school and getting breakfast I started remembering bits and pieces of a very weird dream... By the time I got back home this is what I remembered:

I was in a hotel- a very large, fancy hotel. Perhaps something you'd see in Downtown Atlanta with a massive atrium, vaulted ceilings, the whole deal. I was being paid by an unnamed government agency to keep an unannounced person safe from her father who was "back to kidnap her". I walked the whole hotel making notes of safety violations and prepping my crew for the showdown that we all knew was inevitable.

After the briefing, I meet the person- who was supposed to be a child- that I am to protect. I immediately recognize their face... It's Michell! I ask her what she is doing in my hotel. She replies, "I am the person paying you to keep me safe!"

Utterly confused I flip through my notes. It says kidnap- I thought I was protecting a small child. Michell says, "You don't have to be a kid to get kidnapped". Realizing my mistake I take my over sized pencil and push my black rimmed glasses back into place (I realize at this point I am dressed like one of the Blues Brothers).


Suddenly, a huge explosion echoes through the building. People are screaming and Michell starts to run. I grab her, throw her to the ground, and tell her to lay low.

People in purple leather jumpsuits start repelling down the outside of the atrium. They get to the upper floor and start breaking windows and pour inside. I pull Michell by the hand and off we run. I see a stairwell and we make a break for it. Running fast we almost trip, but regain our balance. I see a small alcove under the turn in the stairs- I tell Michell to hide. She crawls under, and I grab my laptop computer from my pants pocket (it's a dream, I can totally do that! Promise I wasn't wearing parachute pants, ok?!). I see the security has been breached in every single corridor of the hotel expect one, and luckily it is the one we are closest to! I hit the "big red button" on the computer and I hear incendiary devices starting to explode all around us. We start running down a long tunnel that was adjacent to the alcove. The longer we run the louder the echo of our footsteps get. We keep having to stop because the sound is deafening! Finally, after what seems like hours we reach the outside.

My phone rings and it is one of my agents telling me that all the bad guys inside the building were either captured or had perished.

Cautiously, Michell and I open the door and the sun blinds us. When our eyes adjust we see a playground! Michell runs for the swings, and I head to the ice cream vendor and buy us two scoops each.

The End.

--The Milk Maid says "Woah! Outta left field, huh?"


B said...

I'm glad you bought Michell an ice cream cone, after all that action..she needed refreshments for sure. Goober! Do you have normal ever?

Deena said...

Definately out of left field!

I think ice cream should be involved in every dream...

And I think you and Michell need to meet face to face since you are dreaming about her! :<)

kittenroar5 said...

So, um, imbibe much last night? :)

Marcy "meg" said...

I bet Michell will get a kick out of this!

Kathy said...

Well nobody can accuse you of not being thorough with the details....that's one twisted dream yo.

Michelle said...

LOL! Woah thats too funny! Way out in left field on that one!

Michell said...

Oh my God, my dreams of mayhem and explosions are spreading to my blog buddies. That totally sounds like something I would dream. Thanks for the ice cream too.