My boobs were my tools of the trade for almost 20 months.

Once my youngest daughter weaned herself from the Magical Boob Juice, the fun really began!

(And by fun we all know I mean chaos!)

Pull up a chair, sit a while, read a few pages.

Keep and open mind and a joyful heart and you too can get pumped into the world of The Milk Maid.


9/26/07

Doggone That Oprah

(This post mentions SEX... if hearing that a married couple has sex bothers you, then please go look at this website about drug rehabilitation and tune in again tomorrow.)

About 6 months or so ago Jef and I watched a segment of Oprah with her pal Dr. Mehmet Oz. This guy has tons of healthy do's and don'ts... including a fascinating fact that for "every twenty pounds an obese man loses, his penis will 'grow' approximately an inch in length". After we got our grins and giggles about that little fact out of our system, I don't recall this fact coming up in our household again after that day.


Until two days ago...


You see, without being too crude, we've kept a running joke about the "Mystical and Illusive Sex-Trifecta" (That's a romp on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday... in case you were wondering). We've had some *magic* in the air as of late, and we've made the Friday/Saturday combo a lot, but usually by the time Sunday rolled around we were to pooped to pop. However, this weekend we managed a real live Sex Trifecta. And then we added a Monday on too, just for good measure.


All four nights were enjoyable. Like- "Whew! We've gotta stop this or one of us will fall over dead!" enjoyable. I mentioned to Jef on Saturday night that he was awfully, um... let's just say there was a little more length down there as of late than I remembered. In fact, there was such a noticeable difference "down there" that I was to the point of telling Jef on Sunday night to hurry up and finish, because I was uncomfortable. On Monday night, all bets were off. My girl-stuff was sore. I told him he'd better make it a quickie and go to sleep. Tuesday night, when Jef rolled over and started to breathe heavily in my ear I said, "Shoo-shoo, go to sleep. I'm asleep already. Hear me snoring? ZZzzzzz!".


Note to Jef:
No, you have not gained 2 full inches of length on Mr. Happy. Yes, he's noticeably longer, but don't get a big head, er-- large ego-- about all this. Just because I squeal doesn't necessarily mean that it is with delight. My cervix is pissed off at you right now. My uterus will not grow you another baby until you stop poking it so hard and making it say OUCH. Oh, and PS- stop squeezing my boobs so hard too. They get enough of that junk from Ava.

11 comments:

B said...

You turned sex DOWN? What the hell is wrong with you? What if next month there is a sex drought? There are people in the US starving for sex young lady...it could happen to you too!

Lora said...

You are the FUNNIEST thing EVER!!!! Just when I need a good laugh...there you are! :) You're making my sex life look like CRAP now...thanks for that! lol

Marcy "meg" said...

Yeah you are making our sex life look a little shabby too! Stop that! :)

Michelle said...

LOL!! Me laughing at your stories...it never fails. I love it!

Ethansmama said...

I agree with B. It is never a good idea to turn sex down. Although going for a 5th night in a row does seem a little excessive to me. UMM So when are you going to make that baby?????

kittenroar5 said...

I'm speechless.

B said...

there's a first time for everything apparently.

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

Oh that's funny! I can't imagine having sex more than once a week, let alone 4 whole days in a row!!! You go, girl.

Maybe when I'm done bfing, I'll be game for a sex trifecta!

Michell said...

Wow at least someone is getting some. Actually maybe it's just me that's not getting some. My sex life already looked pretty grim before this post, now I'm feeling really let down.

twondra said...

LOL! You're awesome girl!! You always make me laugh! I love your stories!

indigoscot said...

good grief!! i'm jealous. actually, i'm currently too tired to be jealous..baby indigoscot has hit another growth spurt. my boobies might be worn out too.

dp and i haven't had a sex-o-rama like that since we first hooked up. oh wait. we had a sex-o-rama when we were home for my brother's wedding. lol, that was a lot of sneaky sex because we were in the room next to my parents...