My boobs were my tools of the trade for almost 20 months.

Once my youngest daughter weaned herself from the Magical Boob Juice, the fun really began!

(And by fun we all know I mean chaos!)

Pull up a chair, sit a while, read a few pages.

Keep and open mind and a joyful heart and you too can get pumped into the world of The Milk Maid.


Catching Up

The party was wild gang... wild. Oh the things I saw!

I pushed a drunk to the floor who was trying to grope Jef's office mate (and after he talked to the office mate yesterday she didn't remember a bit of it). Another guy got into a brawl in the lobby and is now banned from all future parties. The drunk guy that I pushed to the floor later stood in a chair and yelled at the owner in a language only drunks can understand. Drunk guy became "tuna salad man" come Monday morning after he coated his room in barf. Oh yeah, and there was that girl who gave that guy a b.j. at the table. Then hiked her dress and sat in his lap. Yep- a regular free for all!

Yesterday I signed up and got my class schedule for Phlebotomy class! Faith was kind of distressed about me going back to school. She was moping around saying she was really going to miss me when I was gone to school. I told her, "Faith- you wont miss me because YOU will be at school too! I've only got one class for 50 minutes a day for the first quarter anyway!". She said that 4th grade should be more like college.

A week or so ago I got a sample product to test and give my bloggie opinion of! I love getting stuff in the mail to blog about- and unlike the shirt I "got", I really did receive this new and exciting toy. What is it you ask? The Stun Master 100-S stun gun!!

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I hear you giggling! Who in their right mind would let me loose with a stun gun?! I promise, even though they asked me to test it, I have not used it on anyone. Test fire, yes- stun the crap out of someone, no. Although I almost got to use it on a stray dog the other day.

Ever wonder how a stun gun works? I did and I found the answer on the self defense products website:

"Stun guns use high voltage and low amperage to temporarily disable an attacker for several minutes. The stun gun does not rely on pain for results. The energy stored in the gun is dumped into the attacker’s muscles causing them to do a great deal of work rapidly. This rapid work cycle instantly depletes the attacker’s blood sugar by converting it to lactic acid. In short, he is unable to produce energy for his muscles, and his body is unable to function properly. The stun gun also interrupts the tiny neurological impulses that control and direct voluntary muscle movement. When the attacker’s neuromuscular system is overwhelmed and controlled by the stun gun he loses his balance. Should the attacker be touching you, the current will NOT pass to your body!"

My karate/self-defense class encourages everyone- women and men- to keep some form of personal defense item on your body at all times. Be it as simple as car keys or as forceful as a stun gun, a small amount of preparedness can save your life.

--The Milk Maid says too bad she didn't have that stun gun at the Shindig!


B said...

I think that not having the stun gun at the party was very poor planning on your part. That party was people watching to the EXTREME! Glad you escaped virtually unscathed.

B said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Marcy "meg" said...

Yes quite the party!!!!

Michell said...

Oh my God. There was seriously some woman giving a guy a bj?? Are these people adults? And do they not get the theory that you shouldn't get that drunk at an office party? What about professionalism. Oh and the stun gun, yes maybe you should have had it with you. Don't try it on yourself though. I read an e-mail joke about that once which was funny but made you not want to try it out on yourself because I'm pretty sure there is still some pain involved.

From Here To Maternity said...

The Canadian government are such party poopers and we're not allowed to have them. But I'd soooooo love one. Humm maybe I shouldn't.

kittenroar5 said...

I want one of those. Really, I do. Can I have it?

And, the party, well, damn.

B said...

Kirsten does not need a stun gun...she would shoot herself! Do NOT send that to her!

Kathy said...

Umm....I'm sorry. Did you just say someone was giving a BJ at the table and you have a stun gun that went unused here?? Interesting....