My boobs were my tools of the trade for almost 20 months.

Once my youngest daughter weaned herself from the Magical Boob Juice, the fun really began!

(And by fun we all know I mean chaos!)

Pull up a chair, sit a while, read a few pages.

Keep and open mind and a joyful heart and you too can get pumped into the world of The Milk Maid.


Like A Bull In A China Shop

That's my dad. We had to move some wood working equipment around so he can tear down a shed and rebuild it as a barn (don't ask). Other than almost taking a foot off and clipping a toe with a 200lb. drill press, running out of gas in the tractor, backing the trailer with the tail gate down, ripping the tail gate off, dropping the tail gate on his other foot, and smashing a finger with the tail gate once it was back on our move was rather uneventful.

Faith has officially been promoted in her karate class. There are three levels: Beginner, Advanced, and Masters. The Master's Course kids get awesome looking black ninja-esque uniforms (Gees?) to wear. Since she is only a few years away from receiving her black belt, her instructor Mr. Wil (who's last name is Smith, no lie!) felt she was ready to move up. She gets to learn weapons in this class. Luckily, we are starting small with a Bo Staff and not heading directly into any blades at this time. Faith has the coordination of a pickle- sharp would not be good!

Faith works very hard at being a good athlete. Unfortunately, she got her father's "athleticism" and The Cowboy once got kicked off a co-ed softball team that never won a game. He's that uncoordinated. Faith is notably more talented than The Cowboy, but she really has to put her mind and a little heart and soul into what she's trying to do. Effort isn't always her strong suit either.

I never met a sport I couldn't play and be competitive. I didn't like everything I played as a kid- namely basketball, but that was the coach's fault- but I was darn good at all of it. It's really hard for me to see Faith struggle with simple maneuvers and punches and kicks because, since the adult class mimics what the kids do, I'm doing the same stuff she is doing. That is a very hard thing for a parent to watch. I can do it, the kids around her can do it, but she's struggling through it all. I really feel like this class is going to boost her desire to keep striving forward.

Now before someone throws their bitch shoes on and comes after me for saying my kid isn't a great athlete read this first:

I have never and will never tell Faith how bad/uncoordinated/gangly/etc. she is at any sport. She thinks she does just fine, and honestly I do too! She's not going to be a star out there, but she works hard and enjoys herself and that is more important that diamonds and gold and fame and trophies to me. Her friends respect her, I respect her even more. After all, isn't this time in her life about fun?

And speaking of fun, wouldn't a little drug rehabilitation brighten any one's day?

Lastly, and this is long over due, I'd like to hand out the first annual Bitch Shoe Award to a few pals:

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*Jennifer the Binky Bitch at Playgroups Are No Place For Children for her recent bad girl behavior at the library (which was totally in check if you ask me!)
*Kathy over at Baby Bound, my new found comrade and future partner in crime (tiny crimes, nothing too bad right *wink*)
*B from Baby Mamas Drama, my eternal friend in Bitch-dom!

If there weren't bitches like us wandering the earth smacking down the goodie-two-shoers everyone else might get splattered with gooey-goodness. Long live snark! And pass it on~

--The Milk Maid says snark comes off off your shoe easily with just a little wine!


B said...

That's the sign of a true warrior..even when you're not the keep on trying. I know you're proud of her. Maybe the gangliness is just a stage? Who knows..but she is learning to give her best effort no matter what the situation. Job well done Mom!

Thank you, thank you for honoring me with The Bitch Shoe. I will strive to maintain my snarkiness, and do you proud MilkMaid!

Kathy said...

Wow. This comes to me as such a surprise. It was so unexpected. I don't have anything prepared.

First, I'd like to thank God. Lord Jesus up in heaven Halleluiah!!

I want to thank my parents for not being there for me. You've not supported me and shown me how the world would be without happiness. Frankly, that means so much and I thank you for that.

I'd also like to thank all of the other ladies out there in my category. You are all amazing, strong, snarky, bitches and I am simply honored to be nominated with you.

And lastly, I'd like to thank the fans. Without you, I wouldn't be here standing in front of you/my monitor. I owe everything I have to you and I thank you.

Thank you all again. I take this award and I will show it off with pride.

Michell said...

Hey, as long as Faith thinks shes good at it all and you support her (which you do) it's all good. I like the bitch shoe although they don't look very comfortable.

B said...

I think Kathy will need extra wine to get the snark off of her shoes.

singletracey said...

Your a great mother and Faith is lucky to have someone so encouraging and supportive as you :-) Bitch on my friend.. I don't want you any other way~

Milk Maid said...

B- I think Kathy needs a bit o box wine :P But so do I...

Marcy "meg" said...

You are such a good mom, A! Effort is the most important thing and it sounds like Faith is loaded with that.

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

Ha!! That is awesome! Thank you...I love it..."I stepped in snark!"

Jennifer, Le Binky Bitch