My boobs were my tools of the trade for almost 20 months.

Once my youngest daughter weaned herself from the Magical Boob Juice, the fun really began!

(And by fun we all know I mean chaos!)

Pull up a chair, sit a while, read a few pages.

Keep and open mind and a joyful heart and you too can get pumped into the world of The Milk Maid.


Darn That Box Wine

In celebration of no school today I decided to buy myself a box of wine last night. My plan was to have a few glasses while kicking back and watching Ghost Hunters.

They really need to put a darn gauge on that box wine. There are 5 whole liters in that freakin' box- how am I supposed to know how much alkomahaul I have imbibed? After my second glass I can't count anyway, then Jef is always so helpful by refilling my glass when I get lost and wander the house go potty, so that throws my pseudo-count off even more (ya know for the longest time I thought there was a Wine Fairy in the house, but that's another story).

To make a long story short I did the following while totally tipsy:

  • Sent emails
  • Lots of emails
  • Rambled via instant message
  • Cried (don't remember why or what about)
  • Attempted sex
  • Almost fell off bed
  • Lost Mr. Happy Vibe (didn't remember that part until this morning when Faith was all "What's that mommy?")
  • Swapped sides in the bed with Jef sometime during the night
  • Dreamed about going to Utah to find Dooce

Oh, you wanna hear the Dooce dream?

*Faith and I walked to Utah (pushing Ava in the stroller) because after Dooce's last photo I really wanted to see her beautiful city for myself. I had my camera with a massive telephoto lens so I could take photos for a scrapbook. Suddenly, I see the exact same mountain pictured in the photograph! I knew it was the same mountain because a house was being built on the very top of the mountain (in dream world, of course). I looked down from the roadside and saw a playground. There was Leta, Dooce's daughter, and she was playing basketball with another little girl. I look up and see a high rise condo- and immediately I knew that this is where Dooce must live. I start taking photos of the balcony and out walks Dooce with her camera! We took 472 pictures of each other taking pictures of the other person. Dooce went back inside and closed her blinds. Faith then shouted, "Look mom!" and turned into a calico wolverine. Faith, as the calico wolverine, then climbed up the balconies to get to Dooce's home and knocked on the door. Dooce opened the door and was laughing as Faith (the calico wolverine version) ate her.


Add this to the list (#7238) of why I do not need to buy any more box wine!

--The Milk Maid really likes Dooce and would never allow her daughter to turn into a calico wolverine and eat anyone! Let alone anyone as funny as Dooce!!


B said...

umm, i think your box o wine had expired or something.

Marcy "meg" said...

:) I just love your dreams! Ha.

Michell said...

So how much wine was left in the box this morning?? And exactly how did you explain Mr. Happy to Faith? Hope the hangover isn't too bad.

Estella's Moms said...

Good times!!!

singletracey said...

So nice of Jef to make sure your tipsy ;-)

kittenroar5 said...

Dear, dear A. Please buy a video camera and put it next to the box o wine. We want this recorded.

Kathy said...

Umm wine from a box is illegal. Really. I think I read it on the internet once and you know that everything you read on the internet is 100% true.

Your dreams are as weird as mine. Which means they make perfect sense to me.