My boobs were my tools of the trade for almost 20 months.

Once my youngest daughter weaned herself from the Magical Boob Juice, the fun really began!

(And by fun we all know I mean chaos!)

Pull up a chair, sit a while, read a few pages.

Keep and open mind and a joyful heart and you too can get pumped into the world of The Milk Maid.


School, Part 2

I'm back in school!

I have Human Anatomy and Physiology as well as Introduction to Venipuncture this quarter. I'm excited about both classes, but more so about the venipuncture class. First of all my teacher talks and acts like the comedian Maria Bamford. Seriously, just like that- complete with multiple voices and mannerisms, etc! She also uses a lot of drug references in her lectures. She lets ALL the students use her as their 1st live "blood poke". She says, and raised her sleeves to prove it, that her arms look like that of a heroin addict. She's been teaching for 13 years, so either (A) she's really that insane to let 15-20 newbie students a quarter stick her in the arm and draw blood, or (B) she's got the perfect cover.

The second reason I am SO freakin' stoked to be in this class is that it is 70% labs. We start by drawing blood from fake arms with real veins and red-dyed water and then move to the teacher for our first live kill, then we go on to use the other students as guinea pigs. That last part is the best, except for the fact that I have to be a guinea pig for a LOT of not so bright looking students.

Inadvertently (let's get that part clear strait away, ok)... inadvertently, I have made a friend in my A&P and Intro to V class. Her name (on this blog anyway) is Kate. She wants to be a cardiologist, but considering she just got her GED at age 22, she thought she would try a little technical college first. Now, let me say this before any undie-bunching occurs: I am very proud of this girl for getting her GED and pursuing her education. She has a wonderful personality and is very kind, compassionate, and would make a wonderful doctor.

But- isn't their always a but?- she is not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. This is her 3rd go around at A&P. At least she's endearing...

Anyways, I usually park in the lot that is furthest away from the building. I enjoy the walk, the beautiful tree with twisted branches that I park in front of every day, the smell of the paint booth at the school's body shop. Kate has started waiting for me in the parking lot to walk to class with me. Now, I am a creature of habit and routine- namely I have to pee-tinkle and wash my hands in the same bathroom every morning and do my little OCD shit in peace, thank you very much. Ok, so little Kate wants a buddy to walk to class with. That's cool. Kate also sits by me in both classes. And now she's wanting to walk me to my car after class. Um, Kate, honey, sweetie... I don't need an escort. If you are looking for love you are looking in all the wrong places. It's kinda creepy kid. Seriously.

--The Milk Maid says stalkers are fun until you can't get rid of them!


Becky said...

Bwahahaha. Have fun with the stalker. I tend to attract those people quite often. Something about my charming personality, I suppose.

Anyway, just be glad you don't have to let people start IV's on you. It's as fun as it sounds, I promise.

Michell said...

Wow school sounds good. Enjoy the poking. When I took phlebotomy training the teacher didn't let us poke her. It was just poking one another. And the person who was supposed to poke me that day was an idiot. But I had a migraine that day and had drank almost nothing, and my veins were hiding so I dodged that bullet. Good luck. Oh and if your A&P is anything like mine I took for nursing school? It was one of the hardest classes I took.

B said...

You be nice to that little stalker! She needs a friend Milk Maid! Just don't give her your phone number or address..keep that business on the D.L. yo!

singletracey said...

HAHAHAHAH MilkMaid is being stalked!! That sucks but is funny at the same time.. Maybe next week you two can pass those cutsie folded noted back and forth to each other between classes :-)

Marcy "meg" said...

Sounds like you are someone's idol or something :) Good luck with her :)

my cowgirl alter-ego said...


I'm going to start quizzing you on Oxygen Debt in approx 24 hours. Start studying!

my cowgirl alter-ego said...

And PS. Do you think this chick is related to Anna-Kate Gracie?

Kate... I'm just saying.

Deb said...

What is it w/ you and stalkers? I think you are just to nice and pretty!