My boobs were my tools of the trade for almost 20 months.

Once my youngest daughter weaned herself from the Magical Boob Juice, the fun really began!

(And by fun we all know I mean chaos!)

Pull up a chair, sit a while, read a few pages.

Keep and open mind and a joyful heart and you too can get pumped into the world of The Milk Maid.


Mish-Mash of Friday with Extra Portions

Let me start off by saying that 1) Y'all be my posse, 2) I never wanna piss any of you off, and 3) I've got the full sized van rented and ready to roll to go kick some ass!

Here's an update to the Incident:

Office Girl actually asked Jef, "Oh, are you mad at me? Really?" before leaving the building to go get her own lunch. Ummm, DUH- yeah he's mad- you are lucky he didn't do his impression of a bottle rocket lady! Anyways, she went and bought Jef the exact same thing he was eating and brought it back for him. He pushed it to the side and didn't eat it- he ended up giving it away to someone else (which doesn't make sense to me either, but he was angry and not hungry and whatnot- he's a man, so I don't question him too much on that macho guy stuff). After he got home I made a nice dinner and we enjoyed each other's company and we all lived happily ever after. I didn't box up my anger- I let it fly! Whoooo- very therapeutic! I feel so free of it all!

Here's what I was going to say yesterday before I got side-tracked on manners and lack thereof:
"Brain Douche"... As I entered the bathroom at the grocery store the other day I was almost bulldozed by the immense heat contained in that tiny, dimly-lit room. Was the heater on? No- it was quite simply two automatic hand dryers running. No one was using them... they were cruising along all by themselves on autopilot. It took half a potty break for them to shut off. After washing my hands I crank up one of the hand dryers. Within 10 seconds it cuts off leaving my hands damp. I turn it on again... and it blows and blows and blows- even after I leave the room the whirrr continued. I think I have managed to solve the riddle of global warming. Conspiracy theory? Somebody call Al for me!


Haiku Friday

Click the pic to play along!
Small girl, very fast
Runs thru store and escapes me
Caught- screams like banshee
Don't eat his food bitch
I know you might see this but
Like my big butt cares
Someone is turning
Older, but who can it be?
Twenty-nine? Not me!
Early twenties rocked
Mid-Twenties were great too, but
End of a decade?
Denial is tuff
When you are still young- kind of.
Happy Birthday Me
No it's not today
I"ll never say, but some know
It's before next week
--The Milk Maid says age is just a number, so lie lie lie!


suchsimplepleasures said...

i'm creeping, quite steadily, towards another 40's...oy vey!!!
great haiku!
and...happy birthday,whenever it is, before next week!

B said...

I know when your birthday there!!!! 29 was a rough birthday for me..harder than 30, I wonder why? Hope you have a smashing B day Milk Maid..though I will be calling you on the actual day! Be prepared, i'm going to sing.

The Milk Maid said...

Uh- nono, no singing is needed. :D

Marcy "meg" said...

Well curious minds want to know... when is that darn birthday???? I gots to know! I will find out :)

AB said...

Happy Birthday!

Michelle said...

Aww, love the new picture of Zeus!

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

Happy Birthday!!!

Now I gotta go read about the incident...

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

Kids are suppose to embarass you. You know that. And, really, I found 29 okay. When the 3 oh hit two weeks ago? That's when the panic attack hit.

journey of two FL mommies said...

yea.. when is the big day?? you dont look a day over 21! :D my bd is in a month and i'll be 32, though in my head i feel like i'm about 19. We might grow old but who says we have to grow up anyway?! well, i hope your birthday is a wonderful one! oh, and i LOVE the haiku!!

Deena said...

Okay. I am 29 plus 10 so can i be just plain old 29 again?

Happy Birthday Girl. 30 was hard for me...strange.

Zeus is getting so big!

When is the van leaving? I am SO ready to go kick some skinny girl's little ars!!!

Michell said...

Happy birthday to you whenever it is. Hope you have a great one. What a dumb ass that girl is that Jef works with.

Kathy said...

Your birthday is right there with MY birthday!!!! And as luck would have it...I plan to blog about mine tonight as well! We're so cool. I mean..especially with our posse and all...

Jenn said...

great haiku (haikus? haikoos?) happy, happy birthday! 29 was my tough one. I got over it with a tattoo ;)

janet said...

we wont discuss the decade that i am halfway through right now.

enjoy your birthday, with or without the number!

Anonymous said...

Come on, milk maid. 29 can't be that bad. I'm only a couple months away from it myself, and I'm ready to move into my 30's. Maybe then people will stop calling me "girl"

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, whenever the day is, and I hope 29 ends up being your best year yet

RainbowMomma said...

Happy Birthday! I've been catching up on blogs (I hate being sick!) and I must say that you are one of the funniest people EVER!