Fluffin' Stuffs

Zeus decided to de-fluff his new toy a couple nights ago...

And apparently the urge to de-fluff is rather catching!

Scene from the Great Pillow De-Fluff 2008, Faith's room

I can't be too mad at Faith for that since she brought home an all A's progress report! This was her 1st all A's progress report or report card ever. Her guided reading grade has come up from a 74 to an 89 to now a 100 average. The only grade that dropped at all was math, and it was from a 96 to a 95... and there is no way I can complain about that. I'm totally impressed with my Faithie-Poo!!

I took Faith on a little Tar.get shopping adventure this afternoon and got her some more evil stupid expensive worthless Pokemon cards and collectibles. What ever it takes to keep her motivated, right?

Ava gets her stitches out tomorrow. We don't have an appointment, but I think (?) we are just supposed to show up. If I'm mistaken, I will let her just gnaw the sutures out like she's already been trying to do any way (insert face full of exasperation here). Here's a pic of her arm for all the curious onlookers:

I'll leave you today with the mental image of what I see in front of me:

A toddler pulling her shoes off, bending over to the floor to grab a toe and putting it in her mouth, and the sounds of slurp slurp slurp as she contentedly licks the salty toe-sweat away!

--The Milk Maid says chew me up and spit me out!

I've Turned Into A Mommy-Photo Blogger... Someone Stop Me!

Here are a few (more) photos of the kiddos and the pup... The are pretty self-explanitory, but let's face it-- commentary is just so much fun.


Faith had school photos today. I always try to take a photo before she leaves the house and compare that to the school photo. Always a surprise! (I don't know why she looks so squinty eyed in this photo... she looked much more chipper in person!)

Ava is a climber. Tables, chairs, over the back of the sofa, stairs, into the toilet-- you name it, she plays Hillary to its Everest.

And now for mama's boy! Mr. Zeus is growing and growing (and eating) (and pooping, but not in the house thank goodess). His ears are looking pretty good, don't ya think?

Maybe he will grow into those ears. Isn't he a handsome fella?! I want to buy him doggie clothes, but Jef said that's kind of weird. I guess I will just use people clothes then!

--The Milk Maid say ooo, weee, schweetz!

memory foam mattress

No Oompah In My Loompah

I'm trying to study flash cards and do some book work, but my brain seems to be either out of gas (insert your favorite fart joke here) or has malfunctioned to the point that I will never be able to concentrate on anything (other than blogging or sex) for more than 10 seconds at a time.

On a different note, no one (except Kat at BB) has had ANY suggestions for my 300th post. "I'm terribly disappointed!" she said scoldingly. Then she sloughed away and sulked in a corner and had lots of coffee and got over it. Mostly.

Zeus didn't eat any of the other doggies at our class. In fact, he was very well behaved and did everything I asked him to do. He won the Dog of the Night Award, which means he got a chew toy, which means that he now loves Trainer Woman much more than he loves me. Everyone was afraid of Zeus at first- one lady said "Oh My God don't let him eat me!". Never missing a chance to be a smart ass I countered with, "He only eats lean meat, lady!"... I'm damn glad I wore my Bitch Shoes to class.

Ava is still sick. I still have snotty boobs. She's added a new trick to her repertoire: When she's nursing she will get frustrated because she can't breathe from her nose so she bites me. Then I yelp, then she laughs, then I take the boobs away, then she screams, then my eyes pop out of my head. It's actually pretty funny... at least that's Jef's take on the whole deal. I remind him that he will nod off to sleep sometime...

--The Milk Maid says chicka de china the chinese chicken!

drug rehabilitation

This-n-thats

Today has been busy. Productive? Sort of.

I studied a lot this morning- I already feel very confident about my terms this week! The teacher was worried I "wouldn't get it" since I haven't taken anatomy yet. Honestly, if I put this in front of you...

pelv/i = ___________

... what body part would you say that is (pelvis)? See my point? Oh, how about this one:

(suffix) "-blast" = ____________

You ladies should know that one... Embryonic cell (example: my/o/blast is an embryonic cell that develops into a muscle cell).

Anyways... Enough school talk. Let's talk about Big Bad Zeus!

Zeus and I have a Manners and More class tonite. Whee! Seriously, I have homework for the manners class. Sure- I had plenty of time to let Zeus taste test 10 different varieties of treats to see if he liked them. The dog ate the activated charcoal when I took him to the vet a while back (gleefully I might add). He eats his own POOP for crying out loud! I'm sure he loves Beefie Yum-Yums too.

Our doggie classmates (which we haven't met yet because the 1st class was an orientation) include a 9 week old German Shepard named Bruce Almighty, a Havanese (that's up to 8 lbs!) named Gloria, and a mixed Shepard who is 10 weeks old named Sue or Sally or ?-something. Zeus is 6 months old (approx). He weighed 53 lbs at the vet our last visit. This is going to be interesting to say the least. I hope he doesn't eat anyone.

In other news, Ava has a cold. Yep- she's a snot monster. She wants to nurse, but gets all pissed when she can't breathe thru her nose. How does she remedy this situation? She uses my boobage as a kleenex. Brilliant indeed!

Faith is joining the Junior Master Gardener Club at school. I'm a little wary of this, because the girl isn't very gentle with plants. Hopefully, she will learn (quickly!) and enjoy being in the garden as much as I am. Hopefully, she won't have to bring any plants home that need to live inside... Plants don't last very long here. Don't get me wrong- I love having plants and even small trees inside! But with a cat and a dog and a baby stuff seems to get scattered about. Plus, it's One More Thing that I will have to take care of before I can take care of myself. At least plants don't whine to go potty. Or wipe snot on your ninnies.

--The Milk Maid says what's one more matchstick on the inferno?

It's My Very Own Circus

I have always been very good at multi-tasking. For example:

• I keep a minimum of 2 (usually more like 4) browser tabs open on my computer at ALL times.
• I can drink a glass of wine and play Wii tennis with minimal spillage.
• I can walk, talk, chew gum, and think all at the same time (usually).
• I can talk on the phone and type simultaneously without confusing my conversations while calming a screaming toddler as I prepare the dog's food as Faith is singing and wearing a cape and no shirt or pants and I am checking her homework.

So today when I studied more Med Terminology and kept Ava occupied, it was really no sweat at all to clicker train the dog.

I ran into trouble only once when I mistakenly fed Ava a snausage treat and tried to put a diaper on the dog.

--The Milk Maid says her tank is empty, but her brain is full.

Holly-Daze Friday Mish-Mash

Good grief- I have spent most of the day just trying to remember WHAT day this is today. Yup- Friday alright.

Faith is out of school, the dog had yet another vet appointment for retaping his ears, I had to add the extra leg of driving to Jef's work to get a bumper he promised another guy he would paint, THEN I got back home to the fence being almost done!

We have been waiting on the damn fence- that's its official name now- for well over a month. It was measured for materials even before we got the dog! Today, the Lone Fence Installer came and put up the chain link and the vinyl gate. He managed to stall through one of the worst droughts ever and wind up coming when it is cold and dumping down rain! THEN... always a then huh?... Once he was gone and everything looked good-- or as good as anything can look when you are cold and wet and have a 9 year old babbling to you and a baby screaming at you because did I mention it's COLD?!-- I went back in the house and got Zeus and popped him into his new fenced play area to work off some of the energy he accumulated during the 4 hours we were in a car today.

It took Zeus 4 minutes to get out of the fence.

It seems the fence people have qualms about boring holes into the foundation of the house and all that, so they had to move 6 inches away from the footings to start the fence. Which is not that big of a hole really, considering it is overlapped some by the vinyl post. But, it is just the right size for a 42 lb pup to turn his whole body into Gumby and wriggle thru. Frick on a stick.
*~*~*~*~*
On another completely unrelated to fences note, I would like to know who sent Aunt Flo to my house? When my husband gets THREE WHOLE DAYS off work? And mostly when I wasn't due for AF for another WEEK! WTF? Who's period is this?? Come get it, I don't want it!! Bleh!
*~*~*~*~*
Snippets from a conversation with Faith (on the way home from the vet):

Faith: Mom, these seed things keep falling off my sandwich.
Me: It's ok, we can vacuum them up later.
Faith: Mom, are seeds made of testicles?
Me: What did you say? (Between hysterical laughter and fainting)
Faith: You know- Testicles! That plant with little seeds. Are these testicle seeds?
Me: (Trying desperately to keep a strait face) Do you mean sesame seeds?
Faith: Oh yeah- that's what it is called!
*~*~*~*~*

Haiku Time!

Click the pic to play along!

Almost done shopping

Can't stand the crowds or the mall

Makes me really itch

*

I prefer e-shops

Don't have to leave computer

Link to the real world

*

Three whole days with Jef

Can't wait to have him that long

Merry Christmas Y'all!

*

--The Milk Maid does not acclimate well to cold climates- please keep at a constant 74 degrees for optimal performance.

fiber cable

Q & A With The Milk Maid

I get lots of questions (occasionally from real people) so today seemed like a great time for a little Q & A with The Milk Maid!


Q.- Why do you write a blog?
A.- The blog started as a way to journal my adventures in breastfeeding for my daughter Ava. What I didn't expect was for my blog to allow me to meet new people and make friends. The blog has evolved from a breastfeeding journal to a glimpse into my life and my many adventures.


Q.- How long have you been blogging? What gave you the idea?
A.- Since October of 2006 I have been blogging. Ava was about a month old at the time. I had made a trip to the local mall KNOWING that I would have to breastfeed in public. It was time to get out and take a chance. I had tons of "lines" to burn the naysayers with. I was ready for the onslaught of busy-bodies to make a rude comment to me. After feeding Ava in a "sitting room" in a department store and being met with only kind words, polite advice, and many oohs and aahhhs I decided then and there that I could quite possibly make a difference in some one's life by letting the world know that bf-ing doesn't have the stigmas attached to it like it used to. There will always be a dumb ass out there to say something uneducated, but for the most part I have found people to be joyful with my choice.


Q.- But I don't want to breastfeed. Or I wanted to breastfeed, but couldn't. Will you be mean to me?
A.- Goodness no! How you choose to feed or have to feed your baby is your business. Everyone is welcome at Milk-Induced Coma. My first daughter was a bottle baby. I just happened to get lucky with Ava (aka Super Sucker!).


Q.- How did you come up with the name "Milk-Induced Coma".
A.- Ava would eat herself silly, and collapse in a baby's breath sigh-- that is a milk-induced coma! The name is a tribute to her and to myself for something we worked hard for together.


Q.- Let's talk about you for a minute... Tell us about yourself and your family!
A.- My name is Aradia. Well, that's one of my names- it's a long complicated story, but half the people I know call me Aradia, the other half call me that other name. I also get called the Milk Maid or MM quite a bit!! I'm 28 years old, I'm married to Jef, aka Big J, and have been for 5 years. I dabble in karate, I am a former softball player (1st base) as well as a former soccer goalie (top ranked goalie in GA my senior year). I'm fairly tall- 5'8- and I'm afraid of nothing. Except spiders. And kidneys.


Jef, Jeffie, Big J, JC, etc is my dearest, sweetest, kindest, most wonderful husband. He is my best friend and without him I am lost. He's going thru some health issues with his kidneys, but we will make it thru. Sometimes I forget that fact, have a mini-meltdown, and need a little love and support. Jef loves planes, trains, and automobiles. He simply melts at the sight of our daughter Ava. He's a wonderful daddy and husband. Does anyone else feel gooey from the sweetness of it all?

Faith is my 9 year old (from my 1st marriage to The Cowboy). Faith is brilliantly funny, quirky, and full of life. She loves Pokemon, dinosaurs, and trying to get out of doing homework. She's an advanced blue belt in karate. Her biggest downfall (of sorts) is that she is exactly like I was at her age. Bless her heart!

Ava is my boobie-baby. She's 14 months old. Those little bits of skin on her ears are skin tags- no she isn't deaf, no they don't hurt. We think they are cute, and when she is old enough to decide to have them removed she can make the decision on them. We had lots of "issues" getting pregnant with Ava, most of which were not my fault. Some of you know the whole story, some of you don't. Either way- she's here! And that is all that is important.


My Mom and Dad: Part-time players in this comedy of errors. Mom's usually a bitch, dad's usually a goob who's broken something that he was fixing that wasn't broken to begin with. Despite their faults and short comings I love them and I *promise* to put them in a nice old folks home. If they behave.


Baby#3: As of yet, baby#3 is just in the "idea" phase. But, baby#3 is spoken of often, so HE (pleasepleasepleaseplease) needed a mention.


Paige: Jef's 21 year old daughter who is currently in Argentina. I rant about her a lot, because she is a doofus. She's not a bad person... she just hasn't grown up yet.


Zeus: Our Doberman puppy who is currently 15 weeks old and weighs 37 lbs.


Q.- We heard a rumor about a special pair of shoes you own... Can you tell us about them?
A.- You must be speaking of The Bitch Shoes. When I get on a rant I toss those shoes on and scuff up the floors of contentment! I love my Bitch Shoes, but I don't wear them any more than I have to!


Q.- Why do you talk about sex so much.
A.- I was always taught to write about what you are good at!

Q.- And what is up with all the weirdo posts about yeast infections and sex dreams. Have you no decency?
A.- I have decency, somewhere. But I think I put it away in a closet with my skinny jeans. I always have made a point to find the humor in any situation, and if blogging about my yeastie beast or sex with presidential candidates or soap stars makes you laugh then so be it! If it makes you cringe, well- maybe you aren't in the right place.

Q.- When WILL you blog about that sex dream with Rudy Giuliani?
A.- Possibly never. It makes me feel all icky just to think about it!

Q.- Why don't you like Republicans?
A.- I like them, I just don't vote for them.

Q.- Are you a Democrat?
A.- No. I'm one of those unnamed, unbiased, vote-for-who-the-best-person-for-the-job is kind of people. As of late, I think Jim Morrison should be President with Freddy Mercury as VP.

Q.- Why do you always end your blogs with a "Milk Maid says..."?
A.- One of my favorite blogs- Mimi Smartypants- has a signature ending, and since imitation is the sincerest form of flattery- well... you get the point.

Q.- Any parting words of advice for your readers?
A. -The Milk Maid says live long and comment!

My Life Is A Theme Park...

...And I'm riding the Vomit Comit!

The last time Faith threw up was 4 years ago. I remember it (too) vividly. There is something about a chocolate milk and macaroni projectile barf that wont easily be pried from your brain.

Until you get to replace that image with a fried rice hurl.

Yep- I'm back on Puke Patrol. Or I was... Faith is over it now. In fact the little goob turned down a Get Out Of School Free card by rousing me from a deep slumber at 7:25 this morning by shouting, "Mommy I'm better!". I'm glad she is feeling better, but after laying awake half the night listening for any sounds that might indicate impending doom I didn't get very much sleep, and I could have used another 40 winks.

The extra sleep wouldn't have been a possibility anyway, as Zeus was starting to roust about in his crate, and Ava was using what sounded like a hammer and chisel to try and get out of her crib.

I will get a good photo of Zeus's ears when I can get him to hold still!

--The Milk Maid says a Spot Bot is a mom's best friend!

golf cart parts

Just Another Saturday

Jef is working again... perhaps next Saturday he can take off a day. He's been so busy catching everything up at the new job that he needs more hours in the day just to complete the basics, let alone everything else. But, when it all boils down, he is happy and so am I. We make the time we have together really count.

I have been keeping busy though. I went last night to pick out a fluffy dog bed for Zeus, get some dog food and some cottage cheese and yogurt. Yes, all of that is for Zeus. The guy I bought Zeus from (who needs a WHOLE post just dedicated to his quirkiness) said the added protein was beneficial to his growth, etc. So, the dog eats way better than I do. And has more vitamins that I do. Lucky fella.

We had yet another snuggle-fest on the couch with Z last night. A snuggle-fest that quickly turned into a slumber party when Jef suggested we put Zeus to bed with us. I finally had to roll the big oaf out of a deep slumber this morning at around 8am when Ava decided to wake up. I swear, this dog is heaven sent. Whatever I say, he's up for- especially sleep!

Pic of the day:

Special Edition Friday Mish-Mash

Welcome Zeus, our newest family member:

Doberman, 12 weeks old-- Looking sassy in his head gear!

Ava and I drove to South Carolina yesterday (over 400 miles round trip) to pick up this little (haha, little) guy. The first time we saw the pup, he walked right past me to give Ava a big ol' slurpy kiss on the face. She was instantly smitten, as was I.

"If we put our heads together and think for a minute I feel like we can conquer the evil known as the Baby Gate!"

Gotta find just the right spot!

Zeus was resting... Ava was about to drop a toy down for him to play with.

It looks like Zeus knocked Ava over, but in reality Ava just was trying to pet the dog with her feet. I have no idea why.

Last night, before crashing into bed and sleeping like I have not slept in ages, Zeus curled up in my arms in the sofa and didn't move until I made him go outside to potty.

Welcome home buddy!

--The Milk Maid was up to something GOOD!