"The Missing Blood Pressure Pill"

The Missing Pill... A one act comdey of errors by A & J.

(Scene- Split screen between Jef's work & Aradia's trusty laptop)

J: I had a blood pressure pill this morning, now I dont. Weirdo.
A: (worried) Hummy, I need to bring you another!
J: NAH, I get it tonite.
A: (Scolding) Dont you forget. Where'd you have it last?
J: (Innocently) In my pocket with my antibiotic.
A: (Still scolding) Where's your antibiotic?
J: In my belly! (J grins)
A: Is your bp with it?
J: Nope I couldn't find it. It dissappeared. AMAZING!
A: (brooding, not really buying it) Hummm... dig deeper!
J: Probablly dropped it somewhere.
A: (not one to take no for an anwser) Like where....?
J: I turned my pocket inside out. I dunno.
A: (overly dramtic) Think, Think!! Before your heart explodes! Whhhhhaaaaa!!
J: (Desperate to give answer) At the store this morning putting air in my tire maybe?
A: Some soul who has a flat will need it i suppose (finally caves).
J: Yeah, they may be stressed!
A: (Siiigh)

Weekly Recap

Lots going on this week... Let's sum it all up and put it to bed!

Jef's Nose: Finally, after a few days of being packed, his nose decided to stop bleeding. They unpacked him, cauterized a few more places, and he slept like a little angel (that could breathe) last nite. I hope this is the last mention of his dang nose ever- evereverever!

I'm helping to coordinate my high school reunion. I cant even remember if I blogged this- maybe I just mentioned it to Tracey- I dunno. I'm the treasurer, in charge of tickets, and helping prep the venue. What the hell have I gotten myself into? I didn't like these people in hs, now I'm being all friendly to them. Perhaps I've mellowed. Maybe I just need interaction with adults that don't bleed on me. Either way- I hope this doesn't become the beast that cant be controlled.

Mgrube (Marcy & Kris) didn't get their BFP that they SO freakin' deserve. "What the hell!?!", I yell, shaking my fists in the air at the BFP fairy. If I ever catch that BFP fairy, I'm kicking her scrawny ass all over town. So sorry girls... IVF will do it for you. And Tracey can give you tons of advice cause....

Sassy T is an Injectables Chick! Yep- Ol Tracey is well on her way down the IVF road. She's gonna be knocked up, out in her pop up camper, having all kinds of fun this summer. Rah! Rah!

Well gang, that's all for now. Catch ya when I can~

My Mother Said What??

To lighten the mood and talk about something other than Jef and his nose, I will relate to you all an incident that happened while I was driving my mother to Wal-Mart the other day:

I'm driving, mom is in back with Ava. We approach train tracks that we must cross to get to Wal-Mart. There is a main line that runs thru the small town we were in, and many little tracks that shoot off to the sides where trains can load and unload at the various manufacturing plants in the area.

My mother shouted in disbelief and pointed, "Well, that train just stopped right in the middle of those tracks!"

I reply, "Was it supposed to pull over to the side or something? It's a train mom, not a car."

Gotta love moms!

As His Packing Gently Weeps

To catch you up to speed, Jef went to the doc yesterday and had his nose cauterized 3-4 times. That did nothing for the bleeding (if you're timing this, he's up to 27 hours of his nose bleeding). The doc finally decided to shove 6 feet of gauze up his nose (yes, I said 6 feet). The bleeding was coming from about 2.3 of the way back in his sinuses, and was definitely from his sinus infection being "overly irritated" (understatement?!). That seemed to do it, and Jef came home.

Then the other side started to bleed.

After a few choice words from me, Jef called and decided to head back to the doctor. Before he could get there, it seemed to let up so he reversed course and came home. The doctor felt it was just seeping over from the other side.

Jef got a good nap on the couch, and make it thru about half the night without further incident (other than his face bruising and his eye nearly swelling shut from the pressure of the packing). Then he started hacking up blood and blood clots again. He spend most of the nite in the bathroom or on the couch. However, my brave fella has decided to go to work today and tuff it out. I don't understand that one, but who am I to tell him what to do?

The funny thing is (and there is always a funny thing) MY nose is stopped up on the side he has all his packing in. It's been stopped up on that side since he had his nose-tampon put in. I guess it serves me right to have nose sympathy... he did throw up for me a lot while I was preggo. It's the very least I can do.

Hopefully, there will not be a 4th installment of the nose-saga, but if there is hopefully I wont have to insult Eric Clapton to name it!

Sick Husbands- Part 2

(This post may not be suitable for the faint of heart or easily grossed out. I'm blogging about blood and other gross stuff, so run away now if you're squeamish!)

Well my dearest little Jef was supposed to have a doctor's appointment yesterday for his sore throat. We went to grab lunch a few hours before the appointment, came back home to eat, and that's when his nose started to bleed.

Now, to put this into perspective, I've had nosebleeds my whole life. As a kid, I would have 4-5 big ones a week. I've had nasal arteries cauterized, my nose packed, and was voted most likely to carry cotton balls in my book bag. Some nosebleeds were heavy, some not so bad. I've never been bothered by them, or when anyone else's nose would bleed.

So, when Jef's nose started bleeding yesterday I thought nothing of it. I had him pack it with a cotton ball, tilt forward, apply pressure to the bridge of the nose, and grabbed an ice pack for him. Long story short, after 2 hours of this it was time to move to bigger and better methods- the doctor's office.

Well, apparently, bleeding is not on the list of "important conditions" for our doctor who told Jef he could "work him in tomorrow". By this time, his nose had started to pour blood and he was coughing up clots that looked like large oysters. Long story short, after trying to get into a quick care clinic (they don't take HMOs- grrrrr!) we landed at the ER. After waiting 2 hours they said "apply pressure, lean forward, check you in a bit". An hour later they gave Jef nose spray to try to quell the flood. No change. Then they tried a clotting paste. Nothing. Then they finally (nearly 5 hours later) decided to pack his nose with what can only be described as an inflatable tampon soaked in antibiotics. That stopped the flow, they gave him an Rx for a severe sinus infection, and we were heading back home.

Of course, it would all be too simple if the story stopped there, right?

We went to bed around 10, and I woke up when Jef did around 1:30. He kept coughing up clots and his nose was seeping again, so he tried to tend to himself as best he could.

Then I hear him say "it fell out". The nose tampon (literally the size and shape of a jr tampon) had come dislodged somehow and AGAIN, the nose was pouring blood. I grabbed a cotton ball, the thrombin clotting agent from the hospital, and made a "bullet" to shove up his nose. And let me just say, by this point I was pooped- I needed sleep- and being gentle was no longer in my nature. I shoved the cotton as far up his nose as it would possibly go. And then I gave it another shove. He slept after that, and it held until about 8am.

He's off to his doc appointment now, so we'll see how that goes. I'm going to take Ava to my mom's house and try to grab some shut eye.

And one last thing to ponder:

Why do I always compare gross stuff to food? I'm sure Tracey remembers my description of my mucus plug all too well: "Chicken Tender". Now we have blood clot oysters to add to the menu. I'll never see the Daytona Beach Oyster Pub in quite the same light again.

Sick Husbands, Cravings, and My Mom

Having a sick hubby is like having a sick baby. You love them to death, but after a few days you really want to send them to a relative so you can take a nap. (He's watching me type this too- haha).

More than a nap, more than anything else I can think of right now, I really want FOOD. Lots of food too (damn that Food Network). On my craving list is spaghetti, sushi, Philly cheese steak, pizza, and fettuchine alfredo. And a bagel. Wow- I totally need to get preggo again so I dont crave stuff anymore. Too weirdo. Oh, a beer would be nice too- but it's really early for that.

My mother has the most unique way of saying things. Now I dont mean she's outstanding with her ability to use tact- oh heavens no. She'd tell the Pope to kiss her butt! She just mixes up words and turns them to mush. Here's a few examples:

Chucky Cheese= Chunky Cheese
Won Tons= Wong Tongs
Tilapia (the fish)= tuhlopeeuh

This makes me insane. I just thought I'd share and make you crazy too!

Famous Breastfeeing Moms

We're all famous... these ladies are just a little more well known "outside" our circle!

Tori Amos
Pamela Anderson
Erykah Badu
Christie Brinkley
Katie Couric
Cindy Crawford
Celiene Dion
Jodie Foster
Jennie Garth
Tipper Gore
Faith Hill
Madonna
Joan Lunden
Andie McDowell
Elle McPherson
Demi Moore
Julianne Moore
Sarah Jessica Parker
Tracy Pollan
Jane Seymour
Patricia Richardson
Holly Robinson Peete
Kelly Preston
Jada Pinkett Smith
Meryl Streep
Cheryl Swoopes
Uma Thurman
Cynthia Watros
Rita Wilson
Catherine Zeta-Jones

Go Team Boobie (Go Team Formula too, no judgement here!)

Bigger & Better

Thanks for all the kind words and well wishing from all of you this past week. Sometimes it just seems that the darkness engulfs you and there is no way back into the light. I always have to remember that I'm only as far in as I'll ever be out. It's that simple. Now as long as I don't have another period that lasts 10 days, perhaps I wont be visiting crap-land again. But that's a whole other story to be blogged on some other day.

If you haven't heard, Ava is up to 17lbs 14 oz (By my scale she was closer to 19... but that makes ME feel lighter too!) and is 28 1/4" tall. She's the average height of a 10 month old (if I understood the doctor correctly). Any way you cut it, the doctor recommended a new car seat for her. She's way too long for the "bucket", so I'm shopping for a new rear facing seat. What a "pita" that is (new abbreviation standing for "Pain In The Ass"). There are 4,000 different kinds ranging in price from about $69 to $369 bucks! I have 3 car seats from when Faith was little, but I'm not sure if they are up to todays standards for car seat safety. I really just need to bite the bullet and go spend the moolah.

Speaking of moolah- it's extra tight this month. We had a man say he was coming to buy Jef's Porsche 928 and wanted to know if we had the title in hand. Well, we owed a few thousand on it, so Jef had me go pay it off (thinking the guy would come with a check). Long story short, the guy didn't take it, and we're a little off budget this month. Luckily, I have access to the "First Bank of Dad" and I'm going to take advantage of that. Hopefully the damn car will sell soon, and I wont have to sell my firstborn to the gypsies.

Easter is around the corner. I was raised baptist, but it didn't really suit me. Not to offend, but I like to make my own mind up about everything- and being told how to live my life, what was right and wrong, and how sinful I was just pissed me off. Oh, and there was that one instance where I was told "I wasn't good enough in God's eyes to be married in His house" because I was pregnant. And the "preacher" telling me this was born out of wedlock. Go figure!

So, to celebrate Easter, I go with the old belief of holding high the fertility goddess! Eggs colored red have been used at the Spring Equinox as far back as the Mesopotamian cultures. Red is the color of blood and life, while the egg itself represents birth and regeneration. And of course we all know how fertile rabbits are!

Having adventured through the land of "troubled conception" (as have most of you, my readers) I think this is the perfect time of year for all our pals who haven't gotten their babies yet to see that BFP! So CHEERS to all! And go get knocked up!

Crappie is a fish... and a mood.

Guess the title says it all, huh? The blahs have found my address and moved in once more just in time to help me throw a mini-pity party.

I'm guessing it's hormone related, but isn't everything? We ride the tide in and out on our little moodie-boards and have very little control over where we wash. I feel like I just took a face plant in the sand... on a rock.

I could make a huge list of all my worries and trepidations here for you to mull over, but why drag you, my loyal friends and readers, down into my abyss. Let's just keep it brief, and say nothing has gone right this week. Or last week. Other than my internet pals, I have no one that I can open up to. That's my fault for being the lone wolf of the bunch. I feel like that moody, brooding teenager full of angst who sat in her bedroom writing poetry and novels. Even in my own short stories and novels, my character was always typecast to be the outsider.

Well, enough wallowing for one day. Thanks for wading thru the surf of discontent with me. Maybe tomorrow I will have something a little more light hearted to share.

"Uh Oh... My Tail Fell Off"

BRA-vo!

Once the ol' boobs get larger than a 36C, bra shopping can become shear torture. My only "requirements" for bra hunting were that:

1. It be comfortable. (And considering I'd been wearing a bra from nearly 10 years ago in high school, then that shouldn't have been too much to ask).
2. It be pretty. Anything my grandmother or mother would find attractive was out.
3. It not have 14 hooks OR require a degree in rocket science to get into and out of.

Those are pretty simple requirements, right? Well, it should have been.

Friday afternoon I headed to Target, grabbed a 38D (it looked good held up to my chest, no need to try it on) and was on the road back home within about 20 minutes. I stopped by my mom's house so she could watch Ava while I tried my new bra on (I need time to bend and stretch and dance in front of the mirror... and mom has a nice full length mirror).

The damn bra wouldn't hook. Or hold the boobage. I was pissed... and amazed. So I immediately sent a text to Jef. He asked that I text a photo to him. I told him to shove it.

Anyways, when he got home we measured so I would have a better idea of what to go shop for. According to my tape, it was about a 40 D. Jef was amuzed. I wasn't thrilled- that puts me in territory that even my mom doesn't tread anymore (she had a breast reduction). There just comes a time when enough is enough... I wanted my perfect little 34C back, and I wanted it immediately.

So, Saturday was filled with more shopping... Target, Belk, Kohls. Everything was either hideous or too small. I was ready to give up, but I compromised on a bra at Kohls that was ugly, but didn't make me want to burst into tears... not immediately anyway. We went to eat dinner with Jef's oldest daughter Paige for her birthday, and I was in a snit the whole time.

I just wanted a cute little bra. Not too frilly, not a push-up. Just something pretty. Just something that a 28 year old might wear and her husband say "hubba hubba". Instead, all I could picture was me wearing the granny-bra, and some old man making obscene noises and gesturing my way. A few Bahama Mamas did nothing for my disposition except send me into an even tighter downhill spiral.

I woke up this morning still pissed at the bra. It's not its fault, but left with nothing else to sublimate my rage towards, the bra is my scape goat.

I understand the bra-burning of the 60's now.

Summer Snow

No- Not the white kind! The yellow kind. (No not THAT kind of yellow snow!).

This time of year I wanna be a bee... so I can be in bee Nirvana (that sounds poem-ish):


Our asphalt driveway is supposed to be jet black (well 1/2 was repaved recently)... those 12 pine trees in the front, acres of grass, and all kinds of other trees make sure that it's not. And the pic of my grill is self explanatory.

Ok- no more bitching about pollen. For now!

I totally reorganized my blog yesterday- as you can see. I didn't intend to do it, but I got rolling and wha-laa. In my nervous energy escapade, I went to the bank yesterday and was going to go bra shopping afterwards, but Ava had other plans. Food was her other plan, then a nap. Then Y&R was on... then I got to playing with the blog and I chatted Tracey up online for a while. I cooked a TON of food as all the other was going on. You'd think I was nesting.

Speaking of things baby-related... I'm on day 7, or is it 8, of my period. I started late last Friday nite-Sat am. It's been AWFUL this time, as well as last month (by month I mean 35+ days before). I cant stand being under AF's rule for 3 or 4 days... let alone 7+. It's like middle school all over again- except I didn't start while wearing white pants and walk into the lunchroom full of people AND then my DAD had to come pick me up because mom was too busy. Grrr!

Faith was full of herself this morning. She was cold, but wouldn't put on a jacket. She just sat in the dark in her bathroom on the potty and whined. I told her to start marching while her tush was still able. She eventually got moving, and her mood improved. Of course I had to threaten her with the "if you want to go with pops to the Okefenokee Swamp next week you'd better get it in gear, sister!". Only my child would want to spend part of Spring Break in the SWAMP with her grandpa. She wants to see an alligator... I told her we had those at the zoo. She countered with "but that's not their natural habitat... I want to experience them in the wild". How do I argue with that logic? It's hard to remember she is only 9 sometimes.

I swear Ava has an egg timer in her bed. I can lay her down and she will wake up 30 minutes later, almost to the minute. The little devil... She's learned to screech this week. She sounds like a pterodactyl. A very mad pterodactyl! But she grins the whole time, so I guess she's getting her giggles out of it.

Jef's daughter Paige turns 21 on April Fools Day. We're taking her out to dinner at Dead Lobster (ha!) tomorrow night. If I follow the pattern we have of spaces between kids, then I might be able to convince Jef around the year 2017 that we need to add to our collection of girls. That would make me 37 and him 56. I think that perhaps we shouldn't wait so long.

(And Jeffie I know you are reading this going ARRRRGH like a pterodactyl... you think we have enough and you give me the 'maybe' answer just to keep me happy, blahblahblah... but I will still continue to harass you, even if for my own pleasure :-D ... I'm a little wicked like that, but that's why you love me).

Ants in my Pants (UPDATE)

I'm completely full of nervous energy today, and I have no idea why. I didn't sleep too great last nite and my eyes were completely against opening this morning, but now that I'm up I am wired for sound.

My dad is with our cousin Lamar at Road Atlanta today for some kind of a Porsche race. Lamar has more money than sense, and now that his 911 is ready to go again (he wrecked it his last race) he's off like a shot. Faith calls Lamar "Little Man". He's about 5'3... so if the shoe fits! Dad and Lamar have a long history of "going racing" which usually includes Lamar wrecking or having someone else drive the car while he and dad hunt folks to talk to and drink "OPB" (that's Other People's Beer).

In addition to feeling antsy today, I'm also feeling a bit obsessive/compulsive. I'm not sure WHAT I want to obsessivly be compelled to do yet, but I'm racking my brain. I really should stop drinking Chick-Fil-A coffee... I think they put something wacky in there. It gives my brain an incentive to compile a check list of "things to be done" and I don't mean like "wash the clothes" and "mop". It makes me want to meddle about.

Well gang, I've got to get up and get going somewhere before my little brain explodes. I'll fill ya in laters gaters~

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UPDATE: Yeah, you might have noticed the ol blog page looks a wee bit different... Told you I was antsy. I resisted the urge to paint and rearrange the house, but I will be flipping my mattress later. I really need a hobby. Or a jobby. Something- Cause....Idle hands do the devil's work. Hello, Satan...

Quippy Quotes and More Pollen

Record pollen high today gang- over 6000! If you were wondering (I'm sure you've been hanging off the edge of your seat for this tidbit) high is considered 120. That put it into perspective? I'm going to take a photo of my driveway later and show you all (my loyal readers) how pollen-ish we are.

I guess I should have called this More Pollen and Quippy Quotes to be more orderly... Nahh, screw order! Haha!

I was flipping through an old journal (I should do this lots more often, what a hoot) and found a bunch of quotes. Most of them are originals from me. You will soon see that I have always been this odd- it's not a recent occurrence.

Quotes on life (These are all mine):

"There is a hole deep inside me that not even a belly-button ring can fill".

"There are some things in this life that people will warn you against and forbid you to do. Occasionally, they may be right, but usually you have to take the initiative and decide for yourself."

"I sure as HELL hope there is reincarnation. I seemed to have thoroughly fucked up this life. Can I get a do-over?" (Written after marrying my ex-husband).

"Brain Dander, (noun). Dead brain cells that have fallen to the floor causing an allergic reaction resulting in memory loss and stupidity."

And one from Shakespeare:

"It is a wise father who knows his own child."

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And being in the nostalgic mood I'm in, I have decided to include a photo me me as a baby. I was about 7 months old in this picture. I wasn't long after I was adopted- I don't have any pics of me before that. I'm starting to see the resemblance between me and Ava a little. OK, a lot. Haha- Enjoy!

Pollen Encrusted Monday

(MAYBE this will actually POST this time)!!!
_____________________________________________________
From the local news:

"Pollen levels hit a record high on Monday. The Atlanta Allergy and Asthma Clinic said pollens levels climbed to 5,499 on Monday. That's the highest level so far this year and the fourth highest ever."

And I am going to replant some plants that died last year in my yard today. I'm nuts!

The goats and the llama are yellow tinted, along with everything else that's outside. Speaking of goats, Sugar (the smaller of the 2) got out of the pen yesterday. I dont know how she did it either- the gate was closed and there were no holes in the fence. Maybe she can fly- who knows. As I was puting her back up, she got her head stuck in the fence- AGAIN (she does it a lot). My goats are not going to be doing any higher math any time soon. Not so bright, those two.

I'm so tired today. I didnt go get breakfast, I didnt have my coffee, and I didnt convince Ava to take a nap with me after taking Faith to school. I have a lot on my mind too. Nothing major or important, but thoughts are buzzing around up there. This is kinda what it sounds like in my head:

((BUZZZZZ))... Dad offered to sell our houses to a lady the other day for something outrageous like $1.3 million... and she was INTERESTED. Why didnt he maybe ASK me before he offered my house for sale? If I could get $1.3 million for the 2 houses I'm moving to the beach. Ahh the beach- will we be able to go on vacation this year? Remember to eat lunch! Why do I want to make a decision NOW on wether or not we will have another baby. Why can't I relax and wait and see how it goes? How long will Ava breastfeed. Will my milk dry up too soon? What would she eat? Will I even want to put on a bathing suit this summer? Where can I buy a muumuu? I wonder what Tracey's doing? Why did I dream about Mario Batali the other nite- why not the cute vampire-attorney guy?... ((BUZZZZZ))

Sigh. Well, I'm off to brush my teeth and then go dig in the yard a bit! Toodles~

The Mario Batali Dream

If you have ever watched the Food Network, then you most likey have seen Mario Batali of Molto Mario and Iron Chef America. If you haven't, think big, pale red haired Italian guy who wears shorts and orange Crocs. Here's a visual:


I had a weirdo sex dream about Mario... Here it is:

I was at my aunt's house cooking for a party in this dream when suddenly, Mario appeared and offered to help me cook. I was delighted because there was so much to be done for the party. We started chopping onions and then the scene changed to my aunt's laundry room. Mario was flirting with me, and I started flirting back. He kept looking at my boobs so I grabbed them and gave them a shake in his direction. Then he grabbed my boobs and started kissing them (Magically, I had no shirt or bra on at this point). About that time I started squirting milk and he was in awe- he said he'd never seen anything like that before- ever! I said, "Mine are the only ones that can do this. The only ones in the whole world!"

That was pretty much the extent of it. I told Jef and he hasn't stopped laughing about it. We were watching tv last nite and Mario was on as we flipped channels. I can't even look at him any more. And I'll never ever be able to go into my aunt's laundry room again without thinking about my semi-sex dream with Mario.

I have to stop watching so much tv before bedtime!

Filling in the blanks:

If you haven't read the previous post now would be a good time so you kinda have a clue what I am babbling about...

[Sound of box being drug to center of room. Aradia kicks what appears soap box to it's desired location. She clears her throat and steps on the box...]

I come to blogger today to complain about stupid comments that were made in regards to breastfeeding in general by my neighbor. She finds breastfeeding "gross" and "vulgar". She was unaware that I was breastfeeding Ava when she made these idiotic comments. I truly believe that if you would prefer to formula feed over bf-ing then, by all means, go for it! I'm not out to change the whole world just because I enjoy breastfeeding. BUT- don't you dare try to tell me it's obscene when YOU (meaning my neighbor) are wearing a shirt showing MUCH more boobage than I do when I feed my baby. I could see about 2/3 of them all pushed up and plopped out. Grrrr- This is why I don't make a point to be sociable. She also was knocking tandem-breastfeeding, but that's a whole other arena that I wont even get started on today. I can feel my blood pressure going up up up!

[Before Aradia exploded, she quickly jumped off the soap box, put it away while wiping sweat from her brow, and rejoined her ever-patient audience.]

Now that all that crap if off my chest, let's talk about Walgreens and their interesting inventory!

I was hunting for "Neat!" brand diaper disposal refills. Their website said "Sorry we do not have that item... Here are other popular products you might be interested in:". So I thought hey- maybe I will be interested! So I scroll down to find a "Liberator Wedge". This is a "sex device" that helps you achieve a better angle for pleasure. I have seen this in Playboy (I read the articles too) but I never expected to see one at Walgreens. As I was getting over the initial shock of that, I noticed they also carry a "gift pack" of KY with different varieties and flavors. Now, let's face it. I want my intimate moments to be as pleasurable as possible, but never in my many years have I needed a half-gallon of lube. Which made me think, am I doing something wrong? Again, without too much detail, let's just say I'm completely satisfied in the boudoir with my man! And even post-baby, a gallon of goob-loob isn't necessary. Maybe it's like a Y2K stash or something??

I went for a facial yesterday with Konetta. It turned into a massage and reflexology. She also said my energy-points weren't in motion. I told her to fix them. She did. I guess you kinda had to be there for that. :-)

And finally, my banana-terrorism. Mom said I couldn't buy bananas or eat a banana split because of something about Venezuelan terrorists guarding the crops (or something, I wasn't really listening to her). Well, needless to say that fueled my passion for the oblong fruit and I was off to the store. My poor mother!

Finally...

I finally got logged on here to blog dangit- and it's 10pm, I'm completely wiped-out, and I have no clue what I was going to blog about in the first place.

It was something like my neighbors stupid bf-ing comments, walgreen's drug store-- what they sell and dont sell, my trip to get a facial that turned into a massage, and me supporting terrorism by buying a banana split or some nonsense my mother said.

Yeah- it was all something like that. And more!

Tune in tomorrow (or tomorrow-ish) for the full report... The bed is calling my name!

Ava is 6 months old!

Little Miss Sweetie Pants is 6 months old today! Where has the time gone?!

Saturday we went to the mall and had some great photos made. We bought A LOT of pictures, but it was sooo much less expensive that the girl who did our last portraits. I can go to this place (The Picture People) and spend a 1/5 less AND take photos home (framed if I want) THAT DAY. We had pics made, viewed and chose what we wanted, and were done and on the way home with framed photos in about 2 hours.

We reached a milestone Saturday, much to mommy's surprise. Ava can sit up by herself for short bursts that last anywhere from 5 seconds to about 30 seconds! I learned this at the mall while having the photos made.

In other Ava news: She's eating solids now. I was very hesitant to start her too soon. I had originally intended on waiting until right at the 6 month mark before starting her on any solids. She had such an interest in what we were eating that I started giving her rice cereal and it blossomed from there. She loves all the stage 1 fruits and most of the veggies. She still is a huge boobie-baby though.... at least I can go to the grocery store and not worry so much about her not eating anything.

Here are the photos from Saturday:


What a cutie, huh?!

All dressed up!

And somewhere to go... for me at least! I'm going to a friends house (Faith's tutor, aka girl I graduated from highschool with, aka Heather) for an embriodery party. Her pal has started a company called Hunny Bunny Embroidery and is doing fun custom "stuff". Considering I do a part-time custom embriodery gig with dad, I guess you could say I'm plotting. Hey, a girl's gotta keep her eyes open for good stuff!

So, I'm all dressed up! My hair is done (had a trim yesterday), I have makeup on, and I'm wearing a dry-clean only shirt. So what if I have bluejeans on too- I feel like a million bucks. AND I almost forgot... I'm NOT wearing a nursing bra. Yep, the gals are off duty for a while tonite! They are squeezed into an old favorite of mine, and they are sitting pretty (pretty high up, that is). Note to self- buy a real bra that doesn't make me claustraphobic.

I'm about to scoot, so here's a quick pic of me and Ava:

Who's Idea What That??!!

As much fun as I have with Ava, I was just wondering---

Who's idea was it to give babies razor sharp fingernails? You cant keep them trimmed, and you can't file them smooth. It's like I'm breastfeeding Freddy Kruger's child! And whoever tried to convince you that biting their nails down for them is any better must have had vodka with their cheerios. My kid just grabbed a wad of hair from the cat after she's chewed her fingers all afternoon. No, biting them off doesn't help- it gives you a hairball. A big, gooey hairball.

Who forgot to tell the baby that once they are OUT of your body, they can stop kicking you in the gut? Ava did not get this memo. Upon waking somewhere between dusk and dawn and expecting to be put into the bed with us, Ava will kick like a little mule the whole time I am laying there feeding her. And, unless she falls asleep right after her midnite snack, she will kick and punch and poke until she drifts back off to dream land. I have bruises for Pete's sake. I must speak with her about this!

Nothing is that funny at 4:00am. The only thing I want to do at 4 am is go back to sleep. Ava says 4 am is party-time. Mommy says the "O" in 0400 hours means "Oh god it's early".

Drool me a river. When will the teeth ever break through? She's been "teething" (teasing) since she was 3 months old. We go through 4 bibs a day, and at least a few outfits. I'm going to buy her a bucket to sit in. I'm afraid I will float away at the pace she is going! Plus, sharing all this slobber is not nice. No, mommy doesn't want a big handfull of your drool in her mouth, thanks! The cat's hair is all spiked up from Ava's styling goop... the poor thing looks like the fur-baby of
Sheena Easton and Billy Idol. Of course, Jef looks cute with the shiney slobbery bald head- go figure!

The Double-Handed Grubby-Grab is not needed for milk letdown (this has inspired poetry):
Stong, tiny fingers
Adorned with thorn-like nails,
They make mommy jump.
They make mommy wail!

Grabbing my boob and squeezing
Oh what a delight.
Red scratches and bleeding,
That's SO not right!

Please let go my ninny,
Please dont claw my tit.
This really isnt funny-
Just let go of it!

And just think- teeth are around the corner!

Pictures

We were bored, I had a camera and some props... Here's the result!




















And here's Murray the Llama:















Not too shabby! :-)

Welcome Murray!

So as you have previously read- I want an alpaca farm. Guess what... I took the first step this past week!

Murry is my new llama baby! Ok, so he's a llama, not an alpaca. And he's not really a baby, he's 12 years old. All that aside, let me fill you in:

I dont have $20,ooo to fork over for an alpaca (actually a mother, a cria- which is a baby- and the mother bread again for a future offspring). So, not having a crap-load of cash, we have been looking into alternite methods of funding for the alpacas. Llamas are a LOT less expensive than their cousins, the alpcaca. I am a craigslist.com junkie. Ever checked that site out?? Maybe you should! It's like ebay, but free. I was searching for alpacas, and happened to find a llama for adoption. His name was Meriweather. He was $200. I was hooked. For a mere $20 delivery fee (he was only 35 miles away) I had my llama. I quickly changed his called name to Murray (Meriweather sounded so official, so pretentious, so gender-unspecific). Plus, Murray is a reference to my fave show "Scrubs". And, he just looked like a Murray!

Ok, so what in this world does a llama have to do with an alpaca farm? Llamas are know herd protectors. The #1 killer for alpacas are stray dogs and coyotes... and we have both here. Llamas will stomp the crap out of a dog, a coyote, or anything else that doesn't belong in it's habitat. So, I have a heard protector, but no heard. Again, let me reference that I dont have $20k to drop on alpacas. Llamas are also a hot commodity. They are a more reasonably priced commodity too. It's really a starting point, and a learning curve for me. Although I have been around large animals my whole life, you must be retrained to understand these particular animals. Basically, when you can control a 450 pound llama, a 175 pound alpaca is childs-play (I'm used to 1000+ lb horses). Plus, Murray is a breeding ready male (he's got all his stuff, as I explained to Faith, hehe!). That in itself can help to fund the future alpaca heard I want to raise.

Murray's former owner has another llama and an alpaca male for sale... and I'm contemplating buying them too. He's ready to get out of the biz and into city life, so I may hit a prime opportunity here. It's all still in the works, but you know I will keep you filled in!

Currently, the llama is in with our twin goats- Sugar and Spice. They are part regular goat, part pygmy goat. The PIG in pygmay has come out since Murray's arrival. They are awfully brave girls to challenge something as big as Murray for food! But, I digress....

Ava is in love with the critters outside! She thinks everything should be petable and snuggle with her. Also, she has a new obsession with the cat, Chip. She grabs the cat instead of petting him. We're trying to teach her the difference between grabbing the cat bald and loving kitty. She does ok, and the cat doesn't seem to mind too much. All is well there!

I shaved Jef's head the other nite. As you can tell from his picture in my profile, he didnt have far to go. I have been wanting him to shave his head again since 3 summers ago on vacation (first time I saw him sans hair, and I was hooked!). I always thought he looked just like Charlie Brown. Tracey says he looks like Michael Chickless (whats that show- The Shield??!!). Either way, he's hotter without hair. Too much hair, and he looks like his brother Ronny (the hippy).

And speaking of hair--- I can pull mine in a pony tail now! Yay! I cut it (like a dumb-butt) a year ago and it's finally long enough to start looking good again.

Well, my boobs are needed. Ava just woke up, and she hasnt learned the art of patience yet. Adios-
:-)

Men and Horses

Occasionally, a string of thoughts will enter my head and weave their way through until they are in a tight knit. The following is an excerpt from my "brain scarf" of the day (what a yarn)!

This may sound like a primer on horses... but it's really a comparison of a horse to a man. Use your imagination, and have fun:

Say you have a young horse. They need to be broken. That's all there is to it! You have to get them used to listening to YOU, make them behave properly, and get them used to being under saddle. Sometimes you need spurs, some train easy. Oh yeah, most important: Wean them from their mothers as soon as possible!

Now, if you start with an older horse that someone else has trained, you might get a good ride from the beginning, or you might have to retrain them to your style of horsemanship. Some like to chomp at the bit, raring to go, even after years of galloping the trails. Some need a little extra TLC to get their butts up and going. Many times a horse like this is used to riding the same old trails. They get so used to the same old trail in fact that they can go from point A to point B with their eyes closed. Oh sure, that can be a boring ride, but these horses never go jumping any fences to play with the mares next door (Of course, that's probablly because they have been threatened with gelding if they do).

Now a young stallion makes for an exhilariting ride! The downfall is the rides are not paced, over quickly, and studs are known for only going where they think they need to go. It is possible to ride your young stud more than once a day... but stallions are selfish, and this can lead to dissapointment. There's always a nice shower waiting back at the ranch for the rider so that she may overcome her frustrations in a peaceful, civilized manner.

Keep in mind that horses need to be cleaned up after a LOT. They need near constant grooming. They would leave the barn with any old saddle on- or no saddle at all- unless you make sure it's appropriate for them. They need nail trimmings- which you usually must pay someone to do. Supplements are needed for health, but be prepared to shove them down the horse's throat.

Horses are lots of work. But at the end of the day, when they come stick their warm muzzle on your shoulder and sigh, you know they are worth the extra effort.

Question: Do you know the difference between a horse and a husband?

Answer: A horse will never turn into a jackass!

(Oh, what kind of horse is Jef?... He's well mannered under saddle, never gets loose and goes playing with other horses, and is good with children. He eats out of my hand, pulls his own weight, and is fairly easy to groom! I still have to shove pills down his throat though! Hehe- love you hunny!)

Best Laid Plans

The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.

Of course the best-laid plans of a mom and baby are never set in stone TO go awry.

As I mentioned yesterday-- Jef is working, Faith is gone, and it's just me and Ava (and the cat, but he's being snooty today). I was thinking about going to the Flea Market and getting a free ice cream from dad's booth and deal hunting, but I have quams about bf-ing there (think circus-side show). Plus, to put it ever so kindly, Ava's pissy as hell today so forget that idea.

I need to go to Walgreens and grab some teething tabs for her, but I haven't gotten dressed yet. It's only 1:30 ya know (hehe). There was something else I needed from there too, but I can't remember it so that would be a total waste to drive for 15 minutes then get all the way back and THEN remember what it was.

If you havent heard of the Teething Tablets, and you have, or will have, someone who will teethe at some time in their life near you, then listen up! These things are all homeopathic and help "calm" and "soothe" the grouchy baby. In fact, under the directions for usage is a line that reads "May cause drowsiness in children who have been upset or crying". Heather, who is Faith's tutor, gave me a few to try on Ava. They are far from having the "benadryl effect" but it gives a mom a break and makes baby pretty happy too. (Benadryl Effect: Faith + 1 benadryl = asleep in 5 minutes... perfect for long car trips and nites she's up until after 2 am).

The Vamp-torney incedent ispired some nice adult time last nite. I'm sure my strategic bedroom manuvers are not the Oprah's Book Club list, so I'll refrain from details. We slept very well though. And would you believe I dreamed about buying OPKs? Odd!

Speaking of babies... I was reading Michelle's blog today and went to the baby name genie. All the names I got were Young & The Restless related: Lauren, Shiela, Victoria! Yikes!! Of course I don't need another baby name, right? Haha, never know. Maybe Jef can be preggo next... I'm still too tired from this one.

Ava just dozed off, so I'm going to lay her down and try to eat lunch in peace! Later~

Pay Day!

Ok, so just because the loan I'd been working on finally closed today, it's still not quite pay day for me. Ha- But it's close-a-darn nuff!

I had to drive an hour to the attorney's office. I got there as my client was pulling up in her BMW (now I understand the $700+ car payment), and we walked in together. The sellers walked in behind us. The attorney was at the door greeting us- and let me just say- he was HOT!! Let me repeat, H-O-T. Think Brad Pitt as Louie in Interview With a Vampire. Piercing blue eyes, hot bod, sandy blonde hair, killer cheek bones (cold shower anyone?). He was so convincing as a Louis look-a-like that I checked to see if he had fangs. I was fantasizing about him biting me as he announced he would not be doing the closing... his geeky partner would (think Mo Rocca on a bad hair day). Oh well, at least they had chocolate on the table and they gave me a coke. I was content in my day dreams.

We had all the papers signed in less than 30 minutes. Then it took another hour and a half for the lender to fund the loan. That meant that I had to sit there, talking to these people that I barely know, for an hour and a half, as my boobs steadily grew larger and larger and larger. I pumped before I left, but after a few hours (and, quite frankly, dirty-nasty-rude thoughts about Vamp-torney... or attornapyre) my cups were about to runneth over. Luckily I made it home without any leakage.

Well, that's about it for me today. I'm gonna kick back and enjoy a glass of pinot grigio. Jef works tomorrow and Faith is gone, so there's no telling what adventures will find me.

The Learning Curve

You learn a lot being a mom. I'm not telling any of you anything, whether you are a mom or not, I know. Sometimes it's not that you learn, or what you learn, it's all how you learn it.

My lesson this past week was that you never hold a baby above your head. Especially right after they eat. And if they've been gassy and burpy all day. You wanna know WHY you don't do this. You already know, right! Because (say it with me now) you get puked on. In my case, I not only just got puked on, Ava barfed right in my eye and my mouth. I was blinded, and couldn't talk...And was stuck holding a 16 pound baby over my head. I couldn't call for Jef or Faith to come help, so I made a lot of "HUMMMMPPHHH" noises, and Jef dispatched Faith to get something to wipe me off with. Faith runs off, I hear her approach so I hold my hand out to find she has one square of toilet tissue to offer me. I made a lot more guttural grunts, Jef notices the lack of aid Faith is delivering to her incapacitated mother, and he gets a real towel for me.

Now I've re-learned the "don't hold the baby over your head" lesson, and added to that the "9 year olds don't understand proportions" lesson.

Jef thought he would add the "husbands will laugh at you" lesson, until I reminded him that I professionally teach the "You'll get your ass kicked for that" class at the local Fight Dirty School.

Adding to my vast knowledge, I've also learned this week that it takes over an hour to use the CD burner at the local pharmacy. So, I don't have birthday pics of Faith yet. But I have some pics, and in lieu of something more recent I'll share this one of the girlies at Christmas!


Sure, Faith's hair isn't brushed, there's still a gap in her bangs where she did a DIY trim, and Ava looks like "What thaaa??".... but that's typical for this crew. Haha!!

The Alpaca Files

My horse, King, died last Thursday as I mentioned previously. Being one to believe that nothing happens by chance, his death has opened up a whole realm of possibilites for me to dream about. Like being an Alpaca farmer. I know, you think I've flipped my lid here. No, no.... let me reassure you, I'm just as sane as I ever was (That's not saying a lot some days).

It's like this: There are a limited number of alpacas in the US. No more will be brought into the country from their native South America (Peru, mainly). There fiber is warmer than wool, hypoallergenic, has no lanolin on it which can trap smells and be itchy, and is right up there with cashmere in cost.

Before I go any farther, some of you may not have gotten your Exotic Farm Animal Magazine this month and have no clue what the heck an alpaca even is! Think little llama... a member of the camelid family (yeah, like camel). They are between 32" and 39" at the shoulder (withers) and are gentle, loving animals that rarly spit at humans. Yes, I said spit. Dont get into their squabbles over food and you wont be hit in the face with the putrid stuff.

Long story short here-- I'm looking at buying a few alpacas to raise, breed, and sell. If done correctly, it can be a money maker. It takes a while to build a farm up with good breeding stock, but hey I have nothing but time, right? They're great with children, so Ava and Faith can tag along to the barn and help. I've even heard rumors that 3 adult alpacas will fit into the back of a mini-van. Maybe Jef wont mind too much if I borrow his VW bus for long joy rides with my new friends.

In different news: Faith's birthday party is this afternoon. I'm going to my mom's house in a but to try my hand at cake decorating. Luckily, Faith is less than particular so even if I mess up my attempted Pikachu Pokemon thing on her cake, she knows mommy tried. As soon as I get pics from the party I'll post them here!

Highs and Lows

This has definately been a week of ups and downs.

Let's get the downs out of the way:

1. My horse that I'd had for almost 15 years died.
2. My loan that I have been working on for 2 months now has been going back and forth between circling the drain to A-ok, making me CrAzY!!
3. They dont make Pokemon cakes at my local grocery store anymore.
4. Jef's car (the WV) is about to crap out.

And now for the good stuff:

1. Jef is driving my dad's VW cabrio while his is in the shop.
2. I have almost enough artistic ability to be able to draw a Pikachu on a cake with frosting- I think?!
3. Because the horse died, I of course have to replace the void left in my life with another animal... like an Alpaca. More on that another day!
4. Oh yeah- the whole reason for baking a cake and decorating it- and the highlight of my day... FAITH'S BIRTHDAY IS TODAY!

Yes, my big baby is 9 years old. She was the pee-wee of the bunch when she was born, weighing just 5lb 14oz. She lost down to 5lb 7oz before we made it home, had slight jaundice, and scared the hell out of me with a heart murmur (that later healed itself). She's done nothing but grow, eat, and make silly jokes ever since. She's got a knack for saying the silliest things at all the right times.

Let me share some of my favorite "Faith-isms" with you:

After watching an episode of Who's Line Is It Anyway, Faith sang a line from the "Hoe-Down" for weeks: "That's what you get for marrying your sister's brother's cousin!!"

When going to a random relatives visitation at the funeral home, she said "I'm sure gonna miss Uncle Daddy Beauregard". She was 4, by the way. And the person wasnt her uncle, her daddy, or a Beauregard.

She called Jef "bird-man" for a year when we first got married. We still dont know why!

After using the restroom (and doing a #2) in Gatlinburg at the Western Sizzler, she proudly exclaims to Jef (who's half-way across the restaurant), "Hey Jef, I let one go!"

"Mom, you have the greatest eyebrows. Don't pluck them all off like Aunt Sue-- I like them furry".

"Mom, I've got two words for you: You're great with kids!"

And last, but not least... Last nite she was commenting on how she was born on the 9th, and Jef and Ava on the 19th and I was born on the 6th which is an upsidedown nine... "That's so neet that everything has a 9 in it... it's like were all related or something!".

That's my girl... Whenever I wonder where she gets her personality from, I just pop in an old tape of me when I was her age... bless her heart!

Ava's Story

Ok, so most of you think 4 month olds cant type. Or read. Or steal the computer from their mothers!! You are all wrong. Move over Mama... it's time for me to speak up and speak out!

To begin, this weekend was not my cup of tea. My dah-dah was home, and he totally threw off my karma. Now, I like to get up around 7 or 7:15 in the morning, help mommy take sis to school, come home and snuggle, down some boob-juice, and grab a morning nap (mom's participation is optional here). With dah-dah home mommy wants to catch a few extra Zzzz's without me (dunno why!) and so I get up and me and dah go play a while. When I'm so darned ticked I cant take it any more-- not to mention starving-- we go hunt for moms wake her up. Dah-dah usually goes and gets moms breakfast around this time, and I snuggle and laugh and smile while drinking up all the milk I can (and not spew). The rest of the day is nothing but mommy and dah-dah watching TV (usually Family Guy reruns... that Stewie has it going on I say!) interlaced with them trying to get me to sleep. Haha- joke is on them. My schedule is off, so anything goes.

For instance, this weekend I didn't sleep for more than 10 minutes at a time all day on Sunday. Mommy's hair is just long enough for a good pony-tail now, and by the time I got through with her she looked like an orphan with her hair all a mess (downright scraggly). She made dah-dah take me for a while (he likes to fly me around like an airplane) and we chilled for a few minutes. Then I went back into my relentless screaming fit (it totally cracks them up, I swear!). Mommy loves it so much she promised she'd send me to "Aunt Tracey's house" if I didn't stop. My mommy is SO funny- she should really pursue a career in comedy.

Well, after a day of all my silly-willy ways, I decided to relax a bit when my Pop brought my Sissy Faith home (she had spent the night all weekend! I wonder what that means?!). My Pop no sooner got in the door and I was laughing and carrying on like he was the stuff. He eats that up, let me tell you! For good measure, I laughed out at Sissy too. She is bigger than me, and I might need something from her one day, so I will stay in good graces for as long as possible.

After a very fun half hour with Pops, he decided to go back to see my Nina, even though he said "she's only got leftovers for supper" tonite. I dont know what leftovers are, but they dont sound tasty. Maybe Pop should try some milk!-- I'll have to recommed that to him (Dah thinks it's tasty- I caught him sampling my goods one nite! He thinks he's sneaky!).

After all the excitement I was feeling a little tired. I decided to snuggle moms really good, eat some boober, and maybe doze a while. Mommy came up with a fun game called "flip". She props me against her knees, grabs me by the waist and flips me over into a summer-sault! This is just hilarious- I mean, how DOES mom's come up with this stuff?! Dah is creative- he flies me around like a rocket... but this flip game- WOW!

As Mommy and I were playing, my Sissy says to moms, "Mom, I have two words for you... You're great with kids!". Now, I'm not the expert, but isn't that four words? Haha- That sissy. What a goob!!

After flip, I was totally pooped. I got one last snack for the nite, cuddled againt mommy, and dozed off to sleep. I dont remember mommy putting me in my bed, but I slept SO good until about 5:30am. Then, knowing my routine wasnt too far away, I went back to sleep with moms and dah-dah in their bed after a little early morning breakfast, and slept peacefully until it was time to take Sissy to school.

It's way past my bedtime now... I want moms to be at her best tomorrow! Ta-ta fow now... but please know-- you haven't seen the last of me!

Ava Helene

Ava's 4 month checkup

Miss Ava had her doctor appointment on Thursday- the day schools were closed due to icy weather. It wasn't too bad a drive into town-- my dad actually went with me. He didn't tell me he was going until I dropped Faith off at mom's (Ava's doctor's office doesn't allow siblings) and dad pretty much informed me he was going... "Not because I'm worried about you driving in this weather, I just want to get out". I dropped him off at the Pharmacy/Breakfast Counter/Old Man Hang-Out and took Ava in to the Wee-Care (for babies 4 months and under- very nice!).

Little Miss Thang now weighs in at 15lbs 8oz (95%), 26 inches long (75%), 16 inch head circumference (25%). The doctor was very impressed with her growth and size ("for a breastfed baby"... barf! My baby doesnt need excess calories to be a heafty-healthy girl. I digress--). She asked me if I had her on vitamins, I said no- she wouldnt take them (they smell like doodie). She asked if I had started supplementing with formula, I said NO, why would I. She asked how Ava took a bottle, I said she wont. She asked how I was going to get her to take a bottle for when I went back to work. I said, "Let's get something strait. I work from home. There is no where I need to go, or nothing I need to do in my life that I cant take her with me if I dont want to."

She smiled, and hushed. I was glad-- it just wasnt a convenient day for me to have to hide any bodies. Where do these folks get their medical degree? Wal-Mart?!

She went on- very cautiously- to say that when I was ready to start adding solids to Ava's diet that between now and 6 months was the usual time for that. I told her I would soon. I really dont want to start her on real foods just yet. We did give her applesauce yesterday, and she's had rice cereal in the past, but she's just not too hot on it. I swear, I'd get less on her if I was using a firehose to feed her. She still has the tounge reflex that pushes it out of her mouth. I'm perfectly fine letting her be a boobie-baby for just as long as she can. That means she's still a "baby". That she still needs mommy. That she isnt becoming a big girl too fast (although I know she is!).

I didnt sleep well last night thinking about all that-- I was up past 1:30. I just couldnt get that off my mind, along with other stuff. Once I did doze off, I had weird dreams about my weener dog eating the chili off hotdogs at a picnic, and baby kittens the size of mice that were dying. These were actually somewhat normal dreams-- the night before I had dreams about Lion/Tigers (Ligers) that we had to keep in a dog lot so they wouldnt eat our goats.

Well, it's super bowl day for some. I'm not a footballer, so I'm watching the Ghost Hunters/TAPS marathon on SciFi (I admit, I'm a paranormal junkie). Whatever you are watching- I hope you all enjoy!!

Bad blogger, no biscuit!!

Ok, I am a bad, bad girl. I have not blogged in half a month... Do let me catch you up:

The 928 (Jef's car) is still here... no takers yet. That's ok- He loves that dumb car and I know he doesnt want to part with his "paperweight".

I've been working on a loan (I'm a mortgage originator, shhhh! Dont tell!) for a month now. It isnt that hard of a deal, but I have to go thru so many people to get crap done. The buyer (my loan-chick) has to call the seller's neighbor who calls the seller who calls her husband... and they are both in Florida. Then it all has to trickle back thru that mess to me. It's kind of become like the teenage party game "rumor" where 20 silly girls in pajamas sit in a circle, one whispers a short story, and they see what's changed by the time it gets back around the group. Needless to say, it's a hunk of garbeldy-goop (that is a mortgage term, promise). Then there is my broker- she's getting divorced, and is not much help. My processor is working for 3 different companies. I just keep wondering WHY I am doing this again. Then I remember: It's all about the Benjamins!!!

We're expecting another ice storm tomorrow. Weird, I'm only writing when there's a chance of frozen precip here lately! This time, it might be for real. It looks ookie on the weather maps, and all the Weather Channel folks have their panties in a wad about it-- so we shall see how it all goes.

And by the way, what the heck happened to all the pretty weather women? They used to all be young, then they were all preggo, and now they are all old and hideous. And NO it's not cause they had kids... they got all new women and they are just hags. Come on people-- it's not for my sake!! My Jeffie gets all hot and bothered for the weather women- or used to. I'm never gonna get any nookie at this rate. I'm going to have to let him start watching Sandra Lee on Semi-Homemade again (Food Network). He swears he didnt know she cooked on that show "like forever". More like til I pointed it out. The only things in that show that are "semi-homemade" are her massive boobs... think "25% homemade/75% implant". Oh well, at least she's non-stick with all that silicone.

Trust me, I'm not knocking the store bought blouse-bunnies here (that sounded mildly obscene, hehe!), I'm just biding my time til I can have some too. Maybe I will get my own cooking show after that... hummmm!!!!

Have fun gang!!!~~~

Bad weather thats not so bad

In this part of Georgia ice storms are just a part of life. We usually get only one per winter, but when they blow thru they tend to be brutal. We're still pretty rural, so we can always expect power to be out for days. The last storm that came thru left us without power for almost a week. This morning we were expecting the roads to ice over and have some nasty weather, but other than a little bit of icing on bridges and overpasses, there's nothing here to speak of (unless you count the icecycles on jef's VW bus).

Jef also has a Porsche 928. I know, what a spoiled little hubby! The windshield got busted a long while back, and since he doesnt drive it much we've let it sit. Plus, we have a running joke about it being a very expensive paperweight-- it always seems to have something wrong with it, and doesnt make it out of the driveway much. It's such a fickle car that someone once described it as being like "having a pregnant wife and a pregnant girlfriend at the same time, and both of them are bitching at you".

Long story short, Jef has decided to sell it. He's had his fun, it still has a payment attached, and it hasnt been driven in months. So, considering Porsche windshields are $1200+, we called our insurance company and they hooked us up for $250! Tonite, we clean it out, and goodbye paperweight!

Well, that's about all the news that is news for now.

Shout out to My Pal Tracey

Life is too short not to appreciate your friends... and although I have never met Tracey in person, she is one of the best friends I have ever had! She made the first contact- offering to keep everyone up to date on the message boards we frequent as to when and how Ava made her grand appearance. She did just that- and I am so thankful.

Flashback: My water broke at around 10:15 on a Monday night... I showered and called Tracey. Keep in mind that this is the first time we ever spoke in person! She was all like "Who is this Southern voice I hear?! (She had such a great Valley Girl Accent)" I immediately became intimidated (Never told you that-- I guess you know now, right T?) because of all my attributes, my deep Southern drawl is my least favorite. We chatted a few, I told her the details I knew at the time (something like "oh dookie my water broke, I'm heading to the hospital, tell everyone!") and I signed off. Ava was born, and four months later here we are- still jabbering like we've known each other forever.

Let me tell you this: I am such a social little butterfly. I was a shy kid, but now- I'll talk to anyone! On the other hand, I'm still such a shy little chickie, it's almost pathetic. What a condundrum, ey? Nonetheless, Tracey and I have carried on an online friendship to the point that it's unreal how much we know each other and how much we are alike.

Here's the skinny: Her sister is named Debbie-- Jef had a sister named Deby (who knows less about me than Debbie!). I was a single mom (although I was married technically, but when you see that person less than once a week it doesn't count). Tracey is a go getter-- and when I can overcome my bouts of shyness so am I! We love animals- Sassy T has a dog and a cat (and they are SOOO cute- check out her post!) and so do I! Although my mom has the yorkie in the family, mom's dog Gidget and Tracey's dog Bessie are just so similar... more than a co-inkie-dink I believe. I always saw mom's dog as my "seester". Haha! Cats are so me too-- just ask Chip, my gato. Then there is the inherent love of cloves... ok, so maybe that's an inside joke! By any means- Sassy T is my kindred spirit. And doggone her butt, she's a west-coastie and I'm an east-coastie. I guess brillance needs to be kept at a certain distance!! Heaven knows we'd take over the world if we were meshed together!

Well chickie-poo, this blog is for you (Glass clinks, my hand holds a nice, yet affordable, glass of white wine high in the sky up to you!). CHEERS!!

Although we have never met face to face, you are such an inspiration to me. You dare to go where I have feared to tread. You believe in yourself where I cannot see myself as going. You are a sister, a friend, and a wonderful kindred-spirit to me. You're my better half, set free in wine country with the willpower not to drink all the fruit of the vine. You are a true friend- Thank you, for all you are and all you do!

Aradia

27 + One For The Road

Welcome to a new year and another birthday for yours truly. I'm the big 2-8! Ok, so there's nothing big about 28, but I'm cool with that. Time just seems to be zipping by- and I feel soooo out of the loop sometimes.

Well, big J is crusin along at his new job. He hates it... but hey, it'll pay the bills (we hope). And on the bright side (smell the sarcasm?) I got the brainy idea to get a job. At a conveniant store. What the hell am i thinking? I just filled out an application today, so we'll see. At least it's part-time. I know they will hire anyone who can pass a background check. Considering how many years I did mortgage, that's not a prob (they check them yearly or more). Good grief, I never even got written up in school (like- ever!). I am such a goodie two shoes. Or, maybe I just dont get caught.

Well, I hope berrymom and Ethan Earl are resting well, bonding, and generally falling in love with each other! It's been a long road for her with the GD, etc.-- but I'm sure she feels it's worth it all now!

I got some laundry done today! I know, major accomplishment there right?! I made the effort and I feel better about it- at least something felt complete. Also, I took the gift card mom gave me and bought the chest of drawers at wally-world I have been needing. My closet is OUT of room. Even if it just held my stuff, it'd be a tight fit. Add big J's crap (I mean nice stuff) and it's packed like 10 lbs of dookie in a 5 lb bag! This will definately help me out!

I even helped my dad out today (mom watched Ava) at his booth at the flea market. He sells ice cream there, and he unplugged the coolers to thaw them. We used the wet-vac and cleaned them good, then mopped the floor (we made a mess). We were done in less than an hour, and it felt great to get out and do a little hard work.

I keep wondering why I'm so pooped out today... then I remember-- after all that I came home, made a pot of chili from scratch and let it simmer, took Faith to tutoring, got gas for the car, bought a S'mores Cappuccino, got Faith from the tutor, then did homework with Faith for an hour! I've nursed Ava twice during all this, mind you. I caught up on emails, couldnt get my yahoo messenger to work (still) so I ran to moms (literally, across the yard I jogged with Ava and Faith in tow) then, Jef got home and we ate supper, and Ava nursed again. Now, after Jef asked if I had blogged lately (in all my spare time-- wink!) so I jumped back on the computer and here I am. Whew- I think I will take a nice warm shower and head to bed early tonite! I deserve it~

Blinkie of the day (all for Sassy T!!):

007.... The Year 007, that is!

What a difference a year makes!

2006:
The question was, "Will we ever have a baby?"
2007:
The answer is, "YES!". Ava is here, growing like a crazy little weed (in 6-9 months size clothes at 3 months), and is the blessing of my life!

Tomorrow is the end of an era here... big J goes back to work. Sure, I can insert a boo and a hiss here, but I suppose we do have to pay some bills in the near future. I'm gonna miss my guy... he's been such a big help to me with Ava and in general around the house. He's my best friend- I'm going to have to stay really busy to keep from being lonely. I suppose the house will be clean for a while - on the upside.

We had a rather uneventful New Years Eve... Jef went to sleep around 11 and we didnt crack open the nice bottle of bubbly we had bought. That's ok though- sometimes sleep is more important, and 2007 managed to find its way here without our help!

Ava has started sleeping in her big-girl bed. She fills up the bassinet, so it was off to her room. She's sleeping most of the way through the nite... from about 8-9 pm until 5-6am. The only problem with this is that my boobs haven't gotten the memo that they are "off duty" during the long spans of slumber. I have officially stopped wearing a nursing bra to bed (3 months in a bra for 24/7 and I'm on strike folks). Usually, I can make it through the nite without a "blow out". However, lately I have been sleeping on my side and the shear force of gravity encourages my milk to let down. This inevitably leads to me waking up thinking I've either fell into a puddle, or that I am one of the fountains at the Bellagio in Las Vegas. If I do manage to wake up and discover that my adult film star breasts aren't leaking yet, I go pump. I tend to get company in the kitchen when I make my 4am pump... Jef seems to have a radar for engorgement. There's nothing like being tormented and oogled in the coldness of the kitchen at that gosh-awful time of the morning.

I've been slack at blogging lately... I just feel like the last of '06 slipped by so fast. I'm ready to start off 2007 with my birthday. I'm turning 28 this year... or in "Aradia-Time" I'm 22 again (You count to 25, then start going backwards)!

My New Years Resolution: All the usual ones apply to me I guess... Lose weight, exercise more, etc. My real goal is to see 2008 in as a "still breastfeeding" mom. Hopefully, Ava wont wean herself too soon. I was of the mindset to wean at around 1 year, but I'm just going to let her ride the boobie-wave as long as she wants. I never knew such hard work could be so much fun!

Happy New Year to All!!!

White Christmas!

A white Christmas... here? Haha- Yeah, right! Only if it's like this:



My Christmas Spirit is improving, but only slightly. The gift (the one and only gift) I ordered Jef will probablly NOT make it by Christmas. I would tell you, my loyal readers, what I got that sweet man-o-mine, but he reads here too. So you will all have to wait in suspense with him!

Faith and my dad are on their way back from Universal Studios today. She has slept most of the car ride, which is good for dad. Ava has been sleeping less and less during the day, and recently learned a new trick- fighting sleep! She's finally down for the afternoon (maybe) and I'm catching up here, wrapping the gifts I do have, and the like.

I got into a baking mood yesterday. I am normally not a baker- measuring is my achillies heel. But, with a little Betty Crocker cookie mix, I can be a pro too! I used cookie cutters to make stars, snowmen, Santa, angels, trees, etc. I also frosted and sprinkled them up with colored sugar. Then I ate half of them... Chef's priviledge!

If I don't make it back to the blog by Christmas, I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday! May you and yours enjoy the peace of the season, eat your fill, and maybe even sneak an afternoon nap in with your favorite snuggle bunny!

MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL!

Aradia

Ho-Hum

Just another day here gang-

Jef will be starting work again after the 1st of the year. I'm gonna miss that sucker- I just had gotten used to him being away so much, and now I'll have to do it all over again. He's heading back into the world of cars again at another local dealership. I'm happy, really I am. I'm just ready for a set schedule for a change. He'll work every Saturday, but be off Sundays and Mondays... Not too shabby!

I had a great facial today with Konetta. She sent me home with a "mushy" x-mas card. She said something about new adventures and had "Utah" in parenthesis... does this mean she's off towards the west coast permanatly, or for a mini-vacation? I guess I'm gonna have to call that chickie and ask her what's up. It's a long drive to Utah for a facial and reflexology!

The weather turned off awful again. Ok, so in all fairness, it's not awful. It's 50 and cool and might rain. But compared to mid 70's, clear skys and a light breeze like yesterday, it's pretty dissapointing. My mood is suffering with the weather... I'm feeling partly cloudy myself.

Dad and Faith are off to Universal Studios in Orlando. She's having a ball, and so is dad. I'm ready for her to be home. Maybe her bright little self can throw me into the x-mas spirit.

I got the lights on my tree... and that's probablly as dressed as it will get (with the exception of the ornament that mom gave Ava for 1st Christmas). I just dont have the will-power to make myself decorate a tree this year. It sounds terrible, but I really don't feel too bad about it. I'm a mean one, Mr. Grinch!

Tracey- Haven't heard from ya girlie. I should email, but I'm a slacker. Just know I'm thinking about ya!!

Berrymom- I am right on the same page with you about the griping that goes on with those other boards! Sheish- Some people, ey? How are you feeling (other than ready!!). Did any of your other little ones come early- hehe?

Konetta- if you move to Utah, then I'm coming too doggone it!! What was it I said about us being friends today for over 10 years? That my other buds flake on me?! Not that you'd be flaking, but you cant leave me! Haha- You must come visit if you are going away though!

Soaps Not Used for Bathing

I have managed to avoid getting caught in the trap of soap operas for almost 28 years. But eventually, they will suck you in. And there's nothing you can do about it!

My grandmother always watched the Young and the Restless when I was growing up. My cousins and I would go outside, or sit around and play with toys while she caught up on her soaps. My younger cousin Amanda would sometimes watch Y&R with grandmother, but I would have much rather played in a tree or in the sandbox or polished silver- anything!

My mom would make time each summer when she was out of work to watch the soaps... and by the time she caught up with each of them it was time for her to go back to school. Now that she's retired, she gets in her hour of the Y&R daily. Before Jef became happily unemployed I would go visit her everyday (she's within walking distance for those who didn't know) and we'd watch Food Network until 12:30- then it was time for Y&R.

So now that Jef is home we've wandered into the land of Y&R. It started as a joke- we always say the name "Jack Abbot" like Forrest Gump would have said it (Jaak-Abuuut!). We have a whole routine set up with just the name Jack Abbot! It's too much to try to explain here, but it's like 2 drunken sounding Forrest Gumps saying "Jaak-Abbuuut" and "Jabot" (Juhh-Bow) and then laughing like heyenas. Faith thinks we've lost our minds when we do this.

The worst part about all of this is that I cant remember all the characters names yet. I know Jack and Victor- they're easy. Then there's Jack's dead father (Mr. Abbot?) and his wife Gloria. Someone killed a lady named Carmen, but I dont remember Carmen. They think it's the little deaf guy, but his name escapes me. Then there is the pregnant lady- I just call her blonde pregnant girl or Jef's eye-candy (he thinks she's hot). There's a professor (Korbel) who's about to get his butt into trouble with that young whiney girl who is his student. She told the deaf guys sister she kissed him. And now flat-haired blonde bimbo chick is courting Professor Korbel and whiney girl is jealous, even though she has a cute blonde boyfriend at home. Cute blonde boyfriend is a P.I. with older cute blonde guy. They did work with Michael, the attorney for deaf guy. Michael is married to psycho lady who has a new little baby. She's all freaked out and cant leave the house for some reason.

And if any of the above made perfect sense to you... then welcome to the world of Y&R addiction!

I've not fallen off the end of the earth...

Not yet anyways! I've been keeping busy around here with a spoiled rotten cutie (that's Jef, not Ava- hehe!). Christmas time is coming... and I'm trying to make it's appearance as slow as possible.

I'm just not in the holiday spirit. I can't think of a single thing I want or need, and neither can Jef. He's still unemployed so we're not having a big shebang (we weren't going to have a big x-mas anyway). It just doesn't feel like it should be this time of year. Where has the time gone?

I did manage to put the tree up- our "Charlie Brown" tree. I've had this poor thing for 10 years, and although it's pretty, it's kinda showing its age. But then again, so am I!

Well, in Faith's world... She's improving already in her reading and comprehension! The teacher said she'd caught up about a year's worth of school time, and was now only 6 months behind. By the end of the year she should be at (or above) grade level.

Jef keeps having job offers roll in, but he isn't ready to commit yet. He so doesn't want to be a car guy any more. I can't blame him. I guess that will just have to pan out in time.

Ava is the boobie-princess. We occassionally give her a few ounces of formula for times when I have't pumped a bottle or if we go out for a few drinks. I suppose I should say we "try" to give her formula... she has been spitting it out lately. Only the good stuff for Miss Ava! And the little devil has learned to smile as she is eating now. That will just totally steal your heart and make you laugh! She was comfort nursing this afternoon, just eating a little, playing, holding my fingers... and she looked up at me, laughed and grinned with a mouth full of boob, and then resumed her meal. What a girl!

Jef's daughter, Paige, is coming buy tonite before her trip to Argentina. She went to school down there for a few years, found her a boyfriend, and is heading off to that side of the world for her holidays. Jef doesn't like Niko her boyfriend. Actually, neither do I! He's cocky, needy, and a bit of a liar. But Paige is smitten, so asi es la vida (such is life).

Guess that about catches things up for now.... Thanks for all those of ya who checked in on me!

Another day~

Jef went to the dentist yesterday, and much to our surprise he had to have a crown on one of his teeth. It had been hurting him a while, but he wasn't expecting this. Well- today the dentist calls and has an opening for today so he goes in and gets set up for the crown. In a few weeks he will have his new perm tooth and be all O-TAY! It's a tooth way in the back, so you cant tell it's even different. His jaw is hurting, and he's snoozing it off on the sofa. He wouldn't take an Rx for pain either. I think he regrets that now, but that's my tuff guy!

Faith's conference came out well today! Her teacher could see marked improvement over the past few weeks and was pleased with her as a student in general. Faith's 1st grade teacher dropped the ball on phonics, and what reading Faith does is from basic phonic skills or memorization. They all agree that she's one smart cookie to have gotten this far on memory alone. She's excitied about reading again, and to me that's all that matters.

Ava has been asleep since 5pm. It's now 8:56pm! She didn't nap until then, but I am about to go wake the booger up. She loves to fight sleep... Which makes her like sister and mom! Bless her little heart- hehe!

I am considering (again) taking massage school classes. I almost signed up the month I got preggo with Ava (OMG- almost a year ago now) but I just didn't. I want to do something that I can have some pull over my schedule with, and I think that massage would be it. I can also get into healing touch and other "arts" like my great pal Konetta! I would croak without that woman! She just rocks! She does a healing touch, reflexology, massage, etc. session for me about once a month, and it just does wonders for me. I want to be that person helping others to heal... I am such a care taker/worry-wart after all... it would be so me. I guess that is up to the stars for now!

We didn't go... :-(

We never made it to St. Augustine. Blame it on the rain, but it just wasn't the day. I was so bummed out for the weekend, but felt a little better by Monday. There are so many babies due on NW and so many good vibes from all my pals, how could I stay down for long?!

How bout a new Ava pic to cheer us all up, huh? Ok, I feel betta already!



We feel better? No.... Now?....


Yeah!

C'mon- her Mommy is a Rock Star- I feel better!

Of course, I bought the onesie... So I guess I should feel pretty good!

Tomorrow morning is Faith's student/parent/teacher/principal council meeting. She's having a heck of a time reading, and they've called a conference to "help" her. Her grades have been falling gradually since 1st grade, and now (that they must pass the 3rd grade CRCT Test) they are concerned. We have a tutor, I go over the phonetics of reading daily, and now this. I hate to sound cynical, but is this what I get for marrying a D.A. (that doesnt stand for "Darling Angel" either) for Faith's so-called father?

For those who don't know: When I was 18 I got pregnant with Faith, married her "father" and divorced him almost 5 years later. He was a doofus... he could barely read at a 9th grade level (didnt know THAT when I was dating him). Now, after getting remarried to my hero, and the man of my dreams who took Faith in as his own, I am left with the aftermath of a child who is falling behind in school.

Can't say all this is genetic- I think she had crappy teachers in 1st and 2nd grade. Now that she's in 3rd, we're playing "ketchup" (better that mustard she says). Ironically enough its with a girl I went to school with in high school! Heather is a sweetie. Too sweet, in fact. She was a cheerleader, yearbook editor (beat yours truly) and an all around goodie-goodie. Sigh- And now she's the one who I am relying on to bring Faith up to speed. Life is full of Tom-Foolery, huh?!

My youngest calls, so I must dash...